Anyone find it hard not to be judgy of low status family?
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Anonymous
| Not to be mean spirited - obviously I know where I came from - but the stupid things my brothers and sisters do over and over amazes me. They're stressed, they have no savings, they hate their lifestyle, wish they could give their kids x y and z. I'm always there for advice - and bend over backwards to help with the nieces and nephews - but none of it is ever followed though on. It's just wasting my breath because they make the same stupid decisions over and over and over. Now that our kids are getting older the differences are stark; theirs have little to be hopeful for while mine are polished and prepared. Not bragging, I wish all of their cousins were on the same track. :// |
Anonymous
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I don't find it hard to be judgy, because when I am, it serves as a stark reminder that I am insecure in some way. If I weren't insecure, I wouldn't need to dwell on that distinction. It would just be what it is, and I could be fully compassionate.
So yeah, no. |
Anonymous
| It's always easy to make good decisions with your Platinum Amex. |
Anonymous
| Gosh so nice that you have it all figured out. #blessed |
Anonymous
| If they have love, basic education and health care, and basic needs met, they are ahead of the vast majority of children in this world. I'm glad that my children are "polished and prepared" to help others, OP; not to summer in the Hamptons. |
Anonymous
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Wow. Wait until your son, dizzy with the false sense of power that comes from being drunk and in a fraternity, rapes someone. Wait until your daughter, striving to present that polished and perfect image you value, is admitted to the emergency room with problems stemming from an eating disorder.
I am poor. Really poor. No, my daughter doesn't get regular haircuts and tutors and shopping sprees. No, we don't eat dinner together at the table each night. Hell, I don't even HAVE a table (and only got a couch two years ago). I don't have a car, or life insurance, or a retirement account. But guess what? My daughter will get to college. I hope she makes friends with your daughter and corrupts her, with all our low status ways. |
Anonymous
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No. I only dislike it when people have the money but opt to choose to spend it on other "wants" and then complain when they can't pay for their children's textbooks - "Oh, we can't afford them!!" Not when I see other kids and their parents choosing to spend their money on the textbooks instead of the fun stuff - like the pp above who doesn't have a dining room table but is making sure that her child will be going to college.
The whole business of wishing bad things (like rape and corruption) on other college kids is really sad though. Just realize that if your dream for your child comes true and your child becomes very successful - maybe even rich - one day, there will be less fortunate people wishing bad things on your kid. No one likes to be judged like that. |
Anonymous
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Hmm. What's particularly difficult, and apparently impossible for you, is to step into somebody else's shoes and really understand why they're making these "wrong" decisions. Either you'd find out that there actually is a good reason, or you'll have a lot more compassion for their foibles. Either way, you'll judge less! |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Look, I'm not perfect, my husband isn't perfect, my kids aren't perfect, but at least I'm giving my kids a good shot at success. The rest of my family never left the economically depressed region we grew up in and it's becoming clear their kids will suffer the same fate. They're trapped due to lack of education and low skills and perpetual poor decisions. I don't expect 40-50 year old adults to boil the ocean and modify their life, but it's disgusting to see their ignorant and lazy parenting dooming another generation. And they can't claim ignorance because they saw the way my husband and I did it and I'm always giving sage advice. It's honestly hard to even go home for holidays because I hate to see it. It's like watching a slow motion car wreck. |
Anonymous
| No, I don't. I have a sibling who has significantly downgraded from the SES we grew up in, and I find it sad but I don't really fault for it. |
Anonymous
A hundred bucks is a hundred bucks. If you choose to splurge on $100 jeans and now can't afford gas money, don't begrudge the kid who opted to buy the $40 jeans keep $60 to use as gas money. Kid A will be a fashion plate. Kid B will have less fun clothes but will be able to get to/from school or a job - vitally important for getting ahead. When you see someone do that over and over and over again it gets old. |
Anonymous
| I get it OP, but I think your subject title is off. It's not about "low" status family, but about people who don't take responsibilities for their bad decisions, and keep making the same bad decisions. If as a parent, you don't have an education, and you're struggling, I would think you'd want better for your kids, and push your kids to get an education for a better chance at life. And I disagree that if a parent doesn't have an education then they don't know better for their kids. There are plenty of parents who are not educated but encourage their kids to get an education for a better chance at life. |
Anonymous
| OP, I know how you feel. My brother, who has a decent job, has made poor personal and financial decisions. He is college educated, but lives in the moment and wastes money on unnecessary stuff. I worry about his retirement because I don't think he's saved for it. It's hard to watch people you care about make poor choices. |
Anonymous
Yea, sadly there are too many who are like this, and then they blame the gov't for their lot in life. |
Anonymous
Exactly. At the same time, I also don't think there is any shame in living a more modest, "Blue collar" sort of life. Not everyone WANTS to be an ivy league scholar. In fact, they would be miserable in that sort of role. Just own your choices and make good choices for yourself. That's all you can do. |