Advising men and women to stay with cheating spouses, why?

[Anonymous]

I noticed some posters encouraging a wive or husband to stay in a marriage with a cheating spouse. I keep reading comments like " seek counseling" " work it though" and "don't get divorced"

Why would anyone advice a person to stay in a marriage with someone who cheated on them regardless if they are children involved? Some people just donot understand what cheating is and its impact to any relationship? Are the people encouraging this miserable and just want company?
Is this a self-esteem problem? I have always believed you lower self-worth staying in a relationship with a cheater. It's accepting mediocrity into your life.It's settling for the lowest. A person who cheats is a coward. Why would you want be with a coward? It's welcoming misery into you life. We have too many single men and women on the planet to have settle for a cheater. Why lower your standards?

[Anonymous]

For the average family divorce can be a financial catastrophe.

[Anonymous]

Because there can be more to marriage than just monogamy. If your spouse is a wonderful partner, roommate, coparent, friend, it might be worth overlooking a transgression or two here and there.

As a single 44-year-old woman, the dating world is really tough. I don't advise anyone to divorce without really good reasons. Lots of cheaters out there, and worse.

[Anonymous]

Because life isn't always black and white. It is very easy to say what you would do prior to it happening but there are so many situations where forgiveness can happen and people can move on. The other option might not be so great.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. I did divorce-- and my children thank me for it. Their dad was erratic in every way: he cheated, he was moody, he smoked pot, drank, would hit me, etc. and while I understand people make allowances for abuse, I will admit I married and divorced a second time. It was a very short marriage. I found out husband #2 either cheated or tried to cheat PLUS he quit his job and wanted me to support him. Nope! Not this woman!

I'm single and the dating world may be tough but it's better than being with someone who is using you or taking advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed some posters encouraging a wive or husband to stay in a marriage with a cheating spouse. I keep reading comments like " seek counseling" " work it though" and "don't get divorced"

Why would anyone advice a person to stay in a marriage with someone who cheated on them regardless if they are children involved? Some people just donot understand what cheating is and its impact to any relationship? Are the people encouraging this miserable and just want company?
Is this a self-esteem problem? I have always believed you lower self-worth staying in a relationship with a cheater. It's accepting mediocrity into your life.It's settling for the lowest. A person who cheats is a coward. Why would you want be with a coward? It's welcoming misery into you life. We have too many single men and women on the planet to have settle for a cheater. Why lower your standards?

The poster who said the world isn't black and white had it right. I never thought cheating was a deal breaker for me. But it might be. I don't know. Physical abuse definitely is. But I can see almost everything else as symptoms of other problems.

It isn't so bad to be financially secure, have a friend, have a co-parent, all under one roof. If my husband was cheating on me, I'd know we had problems. It is worth it sometimes to figure out what those problems are. It wouldn't be just him. There are always circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I am the opposite of you, OP. I don't get the anger over cheating and what that, of all reasons, leads to divorce if the marriage is otherwise good.

Hypothetically, if my wife cheated, it wouldn't really be close to the worst thing she could do. It's sex. Big whoop. We have both had sex with others before marriage. I would be far more pissed if she gambled away our finances, or was an abusive mom.

[Anonymous]

It's no different than alcoholism ... If they stop drinking then work it out. If they don't divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's one of those things that you don't exactly know how you'll handle until you face the specific situation. Your age, finances, health, and whether you have children at home all matter. You can have a good idea of what your tolerance might be for dealing with someone who'd betrayed your trust, but it's not black and white when you get there.

If you're 30 and have no kids, by all means, I'd divorce and start over. If you're 50, with kids, it's different.

For me, the fact that we have kids to consider, that we'd be wiped out financially if we split and the kids would lose their home, their schools/friends, and be reduced to FARMS level, was a huge thing. Could I be a grown-up and work through my feelings while I continued to do what it takes to create a stable home for my kids? The least I can do is try. Kids don't actually care about their parents' love lives. They want home, school, friends, and family to stay stable, barring actual abuse.

Another thing was that I also discovered that I didn't suddenly stop loving him because of what he'd done. He hadn't stopped loving me. These factors made me feel I should stay and give us a chance to work through it, as long as he put in the work to make huge changes and deal with the issues that had lead him to do the things he'd been doing.

I don't know what the future holds. As long as he keeps working on things, so do I. Maybe once the kids are grown, it will no longer feel worth it for me to continue with him. Maybe we'll be able to rebuild and keep growing.

[Anonymous]

Because misery loves company.

Because someone making a choice different than theirs makes them worry whether or not they did the right thing.

Because some people would do and deal with anything to say they have someone.

And, every now and then, because sometimes people make mistakes and may deserve a second chance. In my experience I've found the first three reasons more common though.

[Anonymous]

I have ZERO desire to get out and date again. For what? Breakup my family to find another man than might end up doing the same thing? My husband is an excellent provider, father, and partner. I would never in a million years tell him this but I wouldn't divorce over cheating (and I've been cheated on by a long term ex bf but he was very shitty in other ways so it wasn't worth staying).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have ZERO desire to get out and date again. For what? Breakup my family to find another man than might end up doing the same thing? My husband is an excellent provider, father, and partner. I would never in a million years tell him this but I wouldn't divorce over cheating (and I've been cheated on by a long term ex bf but he was very shitty in other ways so it wasn't worth staying).

Quality men can chase pussy with no consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have ZERO desire to get out and date again. For what? Breakup my family to find another man than might end up doing the same thing? My husband is an excellent provider, father, and partner. I would never in a million years tell him this but I wouldn't divorce over cheating (and I've been cheated on by a long term ex bf but he was very shitty in other ways so it wasn't worth staying).

Quality men can chase pussy with no consequence.

^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the opposite of you, OP. I don't get the anger over cheating and what that, of all reasons, leads to divorce if the marriage is otherwise good.

Hypothetically, if my wife cheated, it wouldn't really be close to the worst thing she could do. It's sex. Big whoop. We have both had sex with others before marriage. I would be far more pissed if she gambled away our finances, or was an abusive mom.

So there is a study that was being discussed on the radio which said that on average we only spent .45% of our total time on earth having sex. From that standpoint I'd agree. BUT what happens when they have sex and fall in love ? Not much of your selfish POS partner left for you right.

[Anonymous]

I would rather my wife cheat on me than end up as one of those brand-obsessed women that spends our money on worthless crap. Not everyone sees extra-marital sex as some massive catastrophe.