Advising men and women to stay with cheating spouses, why?

[Anonymous]

It's not really up to you to decide how consenting adults structure their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here if anything I'm more apt to tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander and if that's how he wants things to be, I might just not rebuff the next guy who hits on me by saying "Thanks, I'm flattered but I'm married." I actually think if an agreement like that could be reached between spouses that occasionally each one has a dalliance if they want but the family unit remains the main priority, it could actually make for a pretty nice setup.

But as it is much easier for a woman to find a sex partner, why would a husband go along with this?

For the same reason as the woman would - not to lose at least half the time with kids, half of marital assets, nice house, great neighborhood, social status..

Great. Agree to her getting plowed by other guys and thinking about her next meeting with them to keep up appearances.

Children, money, property, assets - not the same as appearances. Why take 50% when you can have access to 100%? And it's not like you have to stay celibate, either. Much better to be civilized about these things.

Yet when I read about open marriages and swinging, the percentages of married couple with these arrangements is very low, albeit in a county the size of the US even if it was 5%, that's a lot of people. Tells me that it sound great discussing on a forum, but real life is not nearly as easy.

Two issues with your statement:

The amount of people who ADMIT to an open marriage may be 5% but reality is probably higher.
And, Americans are notoriously sexually prim and proper. Just because your average American couple won't indulge in an open marriage doesn't mean plenty of others aren't doing just that.

The problem with straying outside the marriage is really only if it's one sided. If one partner is giving their all exclusively and the other isn't, that's obviously an unfair imbalance that will create strife. But if both agree that they enjoy being married, love the family unit, and want to preserve those and lifestyle but seek a little excitement from others from time to time, well, what doesn't sound good about that?

Probably much lower but a dysfunctional lifestyle is just that, it usually blows up. If you have kids it beyond wrong, no different than having an addiction or other problem. If you have kids you have a obligation to be a role model, and teach good values. That means living that way too. Stay single and date if you want that kind of thing.

LOL ok. Do your kids know the details of your sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here if anything I'm more apt to tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander and if that's how he wants things to be, I might just not rebuff the next guy who hits on me by saying "Thanks, I'm flattered but I'm married." I actually think if an agreement like that could be reached between spouses that occasionally each one has a dalliance if they want but the family unit remains the main priority, it could actually make for a pretty nice setup.

But as it is much easier for a woman to find a sex partner, why would a husband go along with this?

For the same reason as the woman would - not to lose at least half the time with kids, half of marital assets, nice house, great neighborhood, social status..

Great. Agree to her getting plowed by other guys and thinking about her next meeting with them to keep up appearances.

Children, money, property, assets - not the same as appearances. Why take 50% when you can have access to 100%? And it's not like you have to stay celibate, either. Much better to be civilized about these things.

Yet when I read about open marriages and swinging, the percentages of married couple with these arrangements is very low, albeit in a county the size of the US even if it was 5%, that's a lot of people. Tells me that it sound great discussing on a forum, but real life is not nearly as easy.

Two issues with your statement:

The amount of people who ADMIT to an open marriage may be 5% but reality is probably higher.
And, Americans are notoriously sexually prim and proper. Just because your average American couple won't indulge in an open marriage doesn't mean plenty of others aren't doing just that.

The problem with straying outside the marriage is really only if it's one sided. If one partner is giving their all exclusively and the other isn't, that's obviously an unfair imbalance that will create strife. But if both agree that they enjoy being married, love the family unit, and want to preserve those and lifestyle but seek a little excitement from others from time to time, well, what doesn't sound good about that?

Probably much lower but a dysfunctional lifestyle is just that, it usually blows up. If you have kids it beyond wrong, no different than having an addiction or other problem. If you have kids you have a obligation to be a role model, and teach good values. That means living that way too. Stay single and date if you want that kind of thing.

You sound like one of the women who won't let their husband see them naked. You are no role model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here if anything I'm more apt to tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander and if that's how he wants things to be, I might just not rebuff the next guy who hits on me by saying "Thanks, I'm flattered but I'm married." I actually think if an agreement like that could be reached between spouses that occasionally each one has a dalliance if they want but the family unit remains the main priority, it could actually make for a pretty nice setup.

But as it is much easier for a woman to find a sex partner, why would a husband go along with this?

For the same reason as the woman would - not to lose at least half the time with kids, half of marital assets, nice house, great neighborhood, social status..

Great. Agree to her getting plowed by other guys and thinking about her next meeting with them to keep up appearances.

Children, money, property, assets - not the same as appearances. Why take 50% when you can have access to 100%? And it's not like you have to stay celibate, either. Much better to be civilized about these things.

Yet when I read about open marriages and swinging, the percentages of married couple with these arrangements is very low, albeit in a county the size of the US even if it was 5%, that's a lot of people. Tells me that it sound great discussing on a forum, but real life is not nearly as easy.

Two issues with your statement:

The amount of people who ADMIT to an open marriage may be 5% but reality is probably higher.
And, Americans are notoriously sexually prim and proper. Just because your average American couple won't indulge in an open marriage doesn't mean plenty of others aren't doing just that.

The problem with straying outside the marriage is really only if it's one sided. If one partner is giving their all exclusively and the other isn't, that's obviously an unfair imbalance that will create strife. But if both agree that they enjoy being married, love the family unit, and want to preserve those and lifestyle but seek a little excitement from others from time to time, well, what doesn't sound good about that?

Probably much lower but a dysfunctional lifestyle is just that, it usually blows up. If you have kids it beyond wrong, no different than having an addiction or other problem. If you have kids you have a obligation to be a role model, and teach good values. That means living that way too. Stay single and date if you want that kind of thing.

You sound like one of the women who won't let their husband see them naked. You are no role model.

You sound like someone who needs to get more perspective and balance in their life.

You could raise the bar quite a big higher too fyi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here if anything I'm more apt to tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander and if that's how he wants things to be, I might just not rebuff the next guy who hits on me by saying "Thanks, I'm flattered but I'm married." I actually think if an agreement like that could be reached between spouses that occasionally each one has a dalliance if they want but the family unit remains the main priority, it could actually make for a pretty nice setup.

But as it is much easier for a woman to find a sex partner, why would a husband go along with this?

For the same reason as the woman would - not to lose at least half the time with kids, half of marital assets, nice house, great neighborhood, social status..

Great. Agree to her getting plowed by other guys and thinking about her next meeting with them to keep up appearances.

Children, money, property, assets - not the same as appearances. Why take 50% when you can have access to 100%? And it's not like you have to stay celibate, either. Much better to be civilized about these things.

Yet when I read about open marriages and swinging, the percentages of married couple with these arrangements is very low, albeit in a county the size of the US even if it was 5%, that's a lot of people. Tells me that it sound great discussing on a forum, but real life is not nearly as easy.

Two issues with your statement:

The amount of people who ADMIT to an open marriage may be 5% but reality is probably higher.
And, Americans are notoriously sexually prim and proper. Just because your average American couple won't indulge in an open marriage doesn't mean plenty of others aren't doing just that.

The problem with straying outside the marriage is really only if it's one sided. If one partner is giving their all exclusively and the other isn't, that's obviously an unfair imbalance that will create strife. But if both agree that they enjoy being married, love the family unit, and want to preserve those and lifestyle but seek a little excitement from others from time to time, well, what doesn't sound good about that?

Probably much lower but a dysfunctional lifestyle is just that, it usually blows up. If you have kids it beyond wrong, no different than having an addiction or other problem. If you have kids you have a obligation to be a role model, and teach good values. That means living that way too. Stay single and date if you want that kind of thing.

LOL ok. Do your kids know the details of your sex life?

Your kids will find out when their older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here if anything I'm more apt to tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander and if that's how he wants things to be, I might just not rebuff the next guy who hits on me by saying "Thanks, I'm flattered but I'm married." I actually think if an agreement like that could be reached between spouses that occasionally each one has a dalliance if they want but the family unit remains the main priority, it could actually make for a pretty nice setup.

But as it is much easier for a woman to find a sex partner, why would a husband go along with this?

For the same reason as the woman would - not to lose at least half the time with kids, half of marital assets, nice house, great neighborhood, social status..

Great. Agree to her getting plowed by other guys and thinking about her next meeting with them to keep up appearances.

Children, money, property, assets - not the same as appearances. Why take 50% when you can have access to 100%? And it's not like you have to stay celibate, either. Much better to be civilized about these things.

Yet when I read about open marriages and swinging, the percentages of married couple with these arrangements is very low, albeit in a county the size of the US even if it was 5%, that's a lot of people. Tells me that it sound great discussing on a forum, but real life is not nearly as easy.

Two issues with your statement:

The amount of people who ADMIT to an open marriage may be 5% but reality is probably higher.
And, Americans are notoriously sexually prim and proper. Just because your average American couple won't indulge in an open marriage doesn't mean plenty of others aren't doing just that.

The problem with straying outside the marriage is really only if it's one sided. If one partner is giving their all exclusively and the other isn't, that's obviously an unfair imbalance that will create strife. But if both agree that they enjoy being married, love the family unit, and want to preserve those and lifestyle but seek a little excitement from others from time to time, well, what doesn't sound good about that?

Probably much lower but a dysfunctional lifestyle is just that, it usually blows up. If you have kids it beyond wrong, no different than having an addiction or other problem. If you have kids you have a obligation to be a role model, and teach good values. That means living that way too. Stay single and date if you want that kind of thing.

You sound like one of the women who won't let their husband see them naked. You are no role model.

You sound like someone who needs to get more perspective and balance in their life.

You could raise the bar quite a big higher too fyi.

I was a NP. My bar is good

[Anonymous]

For the Pps that are okay with husband sleeping around as long as he maintains your lifestyle and you keep hiding it from your children for image reasons,
Read this : Husband cheated and gave wife HIV. Some of you have the most flawed logic when it comes to justifying cheating. Anyway, I'm sure psychologists and psychiatrists are happy about the never ending business. Keep telling yourself lies for now, you'll eventually have a mental breakdown later on in life.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15830.0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the Pps that are okay with husband sleeping around as long as he maintains your lifestyle and you keep hiding it from your children for image reasons,
Read this : Husband cheated and gave wife HIV. Some of you have the most flawed logic when it comes to justifying cheating. Anyway, I'm sure psychologists and psychiatrists are happy about the never ending business. Keep telling yourself lies for now, you'll eventually have a mental breakdown later on in life.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15830.0

Those who cannot control their own feelings feel the need to control the actions of others. Good advice for you, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the Pps that are okay with husband sleeping around as long as he maintains your lifestyle and you keep hiding it from your children for image reasons,
Read this : Husband cheated and gave wife HIV. Some of you have the most flawed logic when it comes to justifying cheating. Anyway, I'm sure psychologists and psychiatrists are happy about the never ending business. Keep telling yourself lies for now, you'll eventually have a mental breakdown later on in life.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15830.0

I know of cases where a cheating husband has given a wife hepatitis. And these are upper middle class and above people. I am not hear to tell anyone how to live their lives, but that is tragic on several levels. The reality is, in today's US we are obsessed with lifestyle and image perception (gotta look good on FB) and some people will rationalize to the furthest extent to justify their status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the Pps that are okay with husband sleeping around as long as he maintains your lifestyle and you keep hiding it from your children for image reasons,
Read this : Husband cheated and gave wife HIV. Some of you have the most flawed logic when it comes to justifying cheating. Anyway, I'm sure psychologists and psychiatrists are happy about the never ending business. Keep telling yourself lies for now, you'll eventually have a mental breakdown later on in life.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15830.0

I divorced my cheating husband. People have been cheating on their spouses since Eve ate the apple and it doesn't mean they are headed for a mental breakdown. You sound crazy though. Simma down now.

[Anonymous]

Look the couples who are open to overlooking a spouse who has dalliances know they are opening themselves to potential STIs and such. Do you think they havent considered that and decided it is still worth it to them? Why do you care so much about the level of sexual health risk they introduce to their marriage? Mind your business and let them tend to theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look the couples who are open to overlooking a spouse who has dalliances know they are opening themselves to potential STIs and such. Do you think they havent considered that and decided it is still worth it to them? Why do you care so much about the level of sexual health risk they introduce to their marriage? Mind your business and let them tend to theirs.

New poster here. I divorced a cheating husband too. I'm very lucky I didn't get AIDS or Herpes, given the people my ex-husband was messing around with. Very high risk, in DC, which has the highest rates of HIV infection in the nation.

I know two women who just got herpes from recently divorced men in the DC area. I don't know the herpes rate in DC, but the city leads the nation in HIV, gonorrhea, and syphilis. On top of that, 1-in-6 Americans has genital herpes.

I think that your lecture to the PP is ridiculous. She brings up very valid points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look the couples who are open to overlooking a spouse who has dalliances know they are opening themselves to potential STIs and such. Do you think they havent considered that and decided it is still worth it to them? Why do you care so much about the level of sexual health risk they introduce to their marriage? Mind your business and let them tend to theirs.

Haven't you ever heard of condoms? There's ways to have safe sex. Let's just say I opened up my marriage - obviously we would both be practicing safe sex. Not riding bareback with all of Washington and taking our chances. Come on. Believe it or not you can have sex with many people in a lifetime and never get an STD!

[Anonymous]

In the span of a long marriage lots of things happen. Most couples with a cheating spouse don't recover. I think maybe 25% stay together? And I doubt that anyone on a message board has that much influence as to what couples do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look the couples who are open to overlooking a spouse who has dalliances know they are opening themselves to potential STIs and such. Do you think they havent considered that and decided it is still worth it to them? Why do you care so much about the level of sexual health risk they introduce to their marriage? Mind your business and let them tend to theirs.

Haven't you ever heard of condoms? There's ways to have safe sex. Let's just say I opened up my marriage - obviously we would both be practicing safe sex. Not riding bareback with all of Washington and taking our chances. Come on. Believe it or not you can have sex with many people in a lifetime and never get an STD!

Condoms don't entirely protect against herpes or other stds, including those that cause cancer