Reply to Advising men and women to stay with cheating spouses, why?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it's one of those things that you don't exactly know how you'll handle until you face the specific situation. Your age, finances, health, and whether you have children at home all matter. You can have a good idea of what your tolerance might be for dealing with someone who'd betrayed your trust, but it's not black and white when you get there.

If you're 30 and have no kids, by all means, I'd divorce and start over. If you're 50, with kids, it's different.

For me, the fact that we have kids to consider, that we'd be wiped out financially if we split and the kids would lose their home, their schools/friends, and be reduced to FARMS level, was a huge thing. Could I be a grown-up and work through my feelings while I continued to do what it takes to create a stable home for my kids? The least I can do is try. Kids don't actually care about their parents' love lives. They want home, school, friends, and family to stay stable, barring actual abuse.

Another thing was that I also discovered that I didn't suddenly stop loving him because of what he'd done. He hadn't stopped loving me. These factors made me feel I should stay and give us a chance to work through it, as long as he put in the work to make huge changes and deal with the issues that had lead him to do the things he'd been doing.

I don't know what the future holds. As long as he keeps working on things, so do I. Maybe once the kids are grown, it will no longer feel worth it for me to continue with him. Maybe we'll be able to rebuild and keep growing. [/quote]

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