Whitman Teacher and Crew Coach Arrested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former competitive rower (D1 and clubs after college), it's an incredibly intense sport. If you want to be competitive, you have to train very, very hard. And if you buy into that culture, that aspect of what Shipley did would be a feature, not a bug. I'm honestly not sure I want my kids rowing in HS, if they express any interest, because of how intense it is--I worry it would be too much for young kids.

As for the parents who claim they didn't see it: most parents don't want to believe something like this could happen to their kids. Many don't have any kind of experience, personally or professionally, with sexual predators. And plenty are SO horrified by the thought that they bury their heads in the sand rather than learn the signs. Couple that with the uber-competitive nature of many parents in this area, and, yeah, it's easy to see how it happened.

People seem to be making the assumption that parents who push their kids into the "best" academics and the most competitive sports are caring, observant parents, but usually, they're doing so out of their own self-interest.

Thanks for the insights, PP. Maybe you could help answer a question I think many of us have: why would anyone put this much time into a sport in HS unless they were gunning for an admissions boost or college scholarship or had Olympic dreams? One of my kids plays a D1 sport now, and I felt like the amount of time he spent training in HS was borderline unbalanced, but it sounds like these girls were spending twice as much time on rowing per week throughout the year, if not more. It really does sound almost cult-like both in terms of training to the exclusion of almost all else and the control exerted over the kids by a single charismatic individual. When you were in HS did you have one very powerful coach like this who controlled all aspects of the program?

I do understand that a lot of people fall in love with a sport and put a lot of time into it in the pursuit of excellence, and I understand the camaraderie that develops on teams. But there should be limits on how much training or competing time a coach can ask of HS kids in a HS-affiliated club sport, the same way there are for JV and Varsity HS sports and in college. If there are currently no rules established by the school or county re training time for club teams, that should change going forward. That’s just one of the structural problems that made it easier for Shipley to isolate these kids, but it seems like one of the easiest problems to fix.

Thanks for your questions, PP. I actually didn't row in HS (am old enough that athletic kids could row in college, i.e., before the explosion of rowing as a varsity sport)--but I have had coaches who were as obsessive as Shipley, if not sexually inappropriate, at least that I saw. That they weren't coaching very young girls is part of it; there's only so much most adults will tolerate from a coach.

I think the answer to your question is complicated, but probably a combination of various factors, in no particular order:
-Rowing is a highly technical sport, and not one that kids typically do prior to high school, so it takes a LOT of time and effort to improve quickly
-Ditto strength needs, although kids who were, say, swimmers from a young age, would have a physiological advantage in some ways
-Probably most of these kids were hoping that excelling in crew in HS would help them get into HYPS; these schools value rowing highly, so if you won at Stotesbury in HS, for example, that would be a big deal
-Some of these kids almost certainly were pressured by their parents to stay and to excel; crew is seen as a prestige sport by many
-Even kids who weren't in top boats might have been sucked into the cult-like aspects of the team, and wanted to participate as a sign of their own status
-These are kids, and kids are susceptible to peer pressure (and manipulation from charismatic adults like Shipley) in ways most adults are not

Of the various sports I've played in life (running, swimming, soccer, softball), crew is by far the most cult-like. Some of it is pride in doing a sport that's highly technical and extremely painful, and often requires you to wake up very early in the morning, no less! Some of it is sheer love of the sport. When you're in a fast boat, it's an incredible feeling, physically and emotionally. You do get very close to your teammates, because you go through so much together. Most people, even athletes, think crew is too intense, and so you do feel special because you do it.

And all of those reasons make it especially difficult to balance for teenagers. As I said, if my kids express interest when they get to HS, I'll vet the coaches and program very, very carefully. It can also lead to pretty significant physical injuries if done incorrectly or without proper strength training, so that needs monitoring. The fact that it typically occurs far from school grounds is problematic, as it affords too much time alone with a potential predator, and with not enough oversight. That the parent board is feigning ignorance is no excuse; if you're going to serve on a board like that, you have GOT to take it seriously and be aware of the risks to the kids. It's clear that the kids were not the priority here.

[Anonymous]

^^one other point: the Whitman crew parent's defense of "we just couldn't imagine it" is like what Joe Paterno said in defending his continued support of Jerry Sandusky well after he knew about the allegations. That is, he just couldn't conceive as possible. And again: if you are a parent with oversight of children, *it is your job* to educate yourself and to force yourself to consider these kinds of scenarios. Mandated reporters don't get to say they just couldn't believe something could happen, so they ignored the signs. Ignorance is a poor defense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey Whitman rowing parent: I believe you.

I believe this:

It was because normal people cannot imagine the kind of behavior described

A decade ago, I sent my ex-husband packing when I learned that he had carried on an affair of many years with another woman.

Five years.

I wasn't "willfully blind."

I was intentionally and deliberately misled.

I was deceived and lied to.

and because I am a decent-enough person -- and sure, a little naive, still -- I don't imagine the worst about people.

I believed my ex-husband was at work.

This coach... There is a reason we call them "predators." They are cunning. They have tried, true methods. They operate by stealth and are skilled at covering their tracks. The longer they evade detection, the more effective they become: Because there is nothing out of the ordinary. It's just how he is. How he has always been. It's normal.

They are master manipulators. That is how they operate. They are charming and charismatic and very skilled at identifying and exploiting others' vulnerabilities. And creating vulnerability -- the better to exploit you all with, my dear.

Whitman rowing parent, everyone loves to think that it wouldn't happen to them, that they would have been the wiser, would not have been so easily duped.

You know better. So do I.

You would never in a million years intentionally put your child in danger (for a scholarship?? Are people mad?)

You were deceived, you were manipulated, you were lied to. You were intentionally and deliberately misled.

You were blind, yes. And now that everything is out in the open -- well, of course it seems unfathomable that you couldn't see it before.

We have an astonishing ability to see things in ways that match up with our expectations. And I know how awful it feels to have missed such a danger, knowing he was hiding in plain sight, all along.

Focus on healing, now. Sending love to you and your community.

You saw signs too and it also was easier to look past them.., for the kids, for the money, for your self esteem. Nobody has no clue.

To the poster who sent your ex-husband packing, I am so sorry about what happened to you.

Thank you so much for you good wishes.

To the poster who said "nobody has no clue," that is a very unkind reply. Show a little humanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still stuck on letting a grown man take all these girls to Airbnb’s for out of town trips with no other adults/parents present. No one working with children should be given this kind of access. There were signs that he was inappropriate and the signs were completely ignored because parents wanted the status and success and scholarship money more than safety for their children. Period.

The problem with this thinking is that it allows you -- us -- to imagine that we are all sooo different from those Whitman parents, that different parents -- better parents -- would have noticed the signs and put a stop to things long ago.

Forget the part where that's a pretty uncharitable caricature of the Whitman community -- but it doesn't keep anyone safer. The fact is -- and this is backed up by research, feel free to google -- that we're all susceptible to manipulation. Predators show up in all kinds of communities. We are all vulnerable, to different degrees. All of our communities are full of individuals and families that are goal-driven, hardworking, that are achieve this or that. Our kindness makes us vulnerable. Our tendency to believe the best of people makes us vulnerable.

There's a litany of human psychological traits that make us easy prey for the most nefarious among us.

So yes to safeguards, yes to learning lessons. But the blame/shame thing here is, at best, not very constructive. And at worst, it's cruel.

Stop wagging your fingers and open your ears. Every community has voices that are marginalized and not listened to. Find the voices at your school. trust me they are there.

Wow! You need therapy that you need this much mental gymnastics to justify that you looked past all the evidence to keep “good admissions “ and left unwitting parents in a position to put their horns in the hands of a predator.

The board held back evidence, justified his actions, protected their interests and created a situation ripe for abuse.

I know a ton of people in high level sports. NOBODY sends students with a coach and no parental oversight. NOBODY.

I'm not a Whitman parent, let alone a Whitman rowing parent.

My point is that what is happening here psychologically is that you and many others in this thread are imagining that Whitman rowing parents are so different from the rest of us, and those essential differences are what accounts for the objectively inappropriate choices, e.g. coach staying in an Airbnb with the kids.

Not saying that is ok. What i am saying is, by imagining that the Whitman rowing parents are so different from the rest of us, that they were uniquely fixated on life's rewards or avoiding life's risks in a way that nobody else is, ignores the fact that the pattern of predation in this story is CLASSIC and happens in every kind of community, rich, poor, white, black, gay, straight. Everywhere.

It is dangerous to assume that the predator was successful because of the unique characteristics of his victims' parents.

It is safer to analyze and become VERY AWARE of HOW they came to trust him, HOW they came to allow things that should not have been allowed.

Knowing ourselves, our vulnerabilities, and becoming very aware of our blind spots is part of how we protect ourselves. Assuming we are "good parents" and it couldn't happen to US is precisely how we let our guard down and give predators the advantage.

Seriously, folks who don't like what I'm saying: Google social predation. Time after time, people report the same thing: We knew him. We trusted him. We had known him for years. His reputation preceded him. Pillar of the community. It was always done this way. Everyone loved him.

And on and on. It may feel good to preach at the shitty Whitman Rowing parents -- and who knows, maybe they all suck, I dunno, don't know them personally -- but personally I am much more interested in how to catch the next guy.

And I am in total agreement that we need to listen to kids and enforce rules of basic safety, e.g. no one-on-one adult-kid interactions, extra safety measures for overnight travel, etc. etc.

And we need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that it wouldn't have happened to US. It would. It very well could.

I understand that no parent should assume predation couldn't happen to their kid, but these parents created excessive risk by not listening and by allowing this coach on fettered access w/ no other chaperones. No. My kids would not have been at risk in this situation because I would have pulled the over their feedback or the AirBNB situation.

I can't speak to what year Shipley stayed at the AirBNB, but in my time as a Whitman crew parent, chaperones were recruited for the Tennessee trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so interesting hearing from all the crew/rowing parents and athletes. I knew very little about this sport until the Shipley news broke. Does anyone who has been involved with rowing have experience with HS programs that they thought were entirely positive and fun for their kids with no cult-like aspects? If so, what were the type of best practices that separated the good program from Whitman’s or other unhealthy ones described here? Is it all just down to whether you luck into a good coach or coaches who have the kids’ well-being at heart?

For now, I’m adding crew to my list of sports I hope my kids and other loved ones avoid, like ballet or gymnastics due to the body dysmorphia issues and similar intensity of training.

There are TONS of programs that aren't like Whitman's. There are plenty where the kids love it, may not have the best results but are dedicated to it like any other sport in high school and don't plan on rowing in college. If you ever drive by the either boathouse in the morning and see high school kids out there those are the programs you want to stay away from since they are tend to be on the crazy side. Rowing isn't like hockey where there is limited ice time so kids have to practice at 5 am. The river is always there, the docks are always there so getting on the water in the early morning is because the program is demanding. Most high schools only practice after school because it is a sport and not a cult like what was going on at Whitman. There are other intense programs but for the most part the kids love the sport. It is a great workout. I have had both boys and girls row and it keeps them in shape and active. Plus there is a huge social aspect, like any other team their friends tend to row also. It is funny that a PP mentioned that the rowing girls only hung out with rowing girls. I think in most hs sports you hang out with your teammates (or whatever activity you are doing like theater or choir too) or at least that is how is was when I was in hs and now with my kids. In general there is limited high level coaches in the area who all know each other. There was a problem one a few years ago who was belittling to the girls and let go from one program only to show up at another local ones. The girls took care of that in a hot minute since they all talk and most won't stand for that. Which is why I am shocked at how Whitman handled this problem. The girls had no one to turn to for help and that is really sad and alarming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey Whitman rowing parent: I believe you.

I believe this:

It was because normal people cannot imagine the kind of behavior described

A decade ago, I sent my ex-husband packing when I learned that he had carried on an affair of many years with another woman.

Five years.

I wasn't "willfully blind."

I was intentionally and deliberately misled.

I was deceived and lied to.

and because I am a decent-enough person -- and sure, a little naive, still -- I don't imagine the worst about people.

I believed my ex-husband was at work.

This coach... There is a reason we call them "predators." They are cunning. They have tried, true methods. They operate by stealth and are skilled at covering their tracks. The longer they evade detection, the more effective they become: Because there is nothing out of the ordinary. It's just how he is. How he has always been. It's normal.

They are master manipulators. That is how they operate. They are charming and charismatic and very skilled at identifying and exploiting others' vulnerabilities. And creating vulnerability -- the better to exploit you all with, my dear.

Whitman rowing parent, everyone loves to think that it wouldn't happen to them, that they would have been the wiser, would not have been so easily duped.

You know better. So do I.

You would never in a million years intentionally put your child in danger (for a scholarship?? Are people mad?)

You were deceived, you were manipulated, you were lied to. You were intentionally and deliberately misled.

You were blind, yes. And now that everything is out in the open -- well, of course it seems unfathomable that you couldn't see it before.

We have an astonishing ability to see things in ways that match up with our expectations. And I know how awful it feels to have missed such a danger, knowing he was hiding in plain sight, all along.

Focus on healing, now. Sending love to you and your community.

You saw signs too and it also was easier to look past them.., for the kids, for the money, for your self esteem. Nobody has no clue.

To the poster who sent your ex-husband packing, I am so sorry about what happened to you.

Thank you so much for you good wishes.

To the poster who said "nobody has no clue," that is a very unkind reply. Show a little humanity.

Funny. Who showed humanity to the girls that were victims?

Nobody has no clue! They told you you ignored them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was also shocked that the board took the letter the girls had written and handed it over to the coach. This is a HUGE no no when it comes to abuse allegations. Insane how easily some of them threw these girls under the bus and tried to blame them.

The Washington Post article states specifically that the board members involved apologized for this. According to the article, the board members involved mistakenly believed the letter was meant to be an on-the-record statement and not confidential.

That is far from "[throwing] these girls under the bus and [trying] to blame them."

To the contrary, Shipley was immediately suspended, according to the Post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also shocked that the board took the letter the girls had written and handed it over to the coach. This is a HUGE no no when it comes to abuse allegations. Insane how easily some of them threw these girls under the bus and tried to blame them.

The Washington Post article states specifically that the board members involved apologized for this. According to the article, the board members involved mistakenly believed the letter was meant to be an on-the-record statement and not confidential.

That is far from "[throwing] these girls under the bus and [trying] to blame them."

To the contrary, Shipley was immediately suspended, according to the Post.

He was suspended WITH pay and then while suspended:
talked to parents and board members about the letter
asked former rowers to rally on his behalf
asked people to reach out to the investigator on his behalf
met with board members where he picked apart the girls who signed the letter and called them mentally ill

And then what did the board do? Oh yes, renewed his contract. Um.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was also shocked that the board took the letter the girls had written and handed it over to the coach. This is a HUGE no no when it comes to abuse allegations. Insane how easily some of them threw these girls under the bus and tried to blame them.

That is the MCPS way. Watch out. You will be deleted on this forum for pointing that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone given a good reason why the Board handed over the letter of complaint to the Coach this past summer (before he was arrested)? Anyone had to know that would chill further complaints. The justifications in the article, such as that the girls had not requested confidentiality, seemed pretty weak. I believe that many of the crew parents did not have all the facts, but that one fairly recent decision by the Board members seems pretty indefensible given that these concerns had been raised before.

It is truly amazing. He was calling the athletes he coached names to the board members regarding the letter and then they renewed his contract!

I have(had) multiple rowers who row out of TBC. Shipley being a creeper wasn't a secret even for the female athletes on other teams. What non-rowing parents may not know is that there are tons of teams down at TBC everyday during the fall and spring seasons. The kids generally know each other from neighborhoods, elementary school, other sports, friends of friends, etc. They see each other every day down on the water and most weekends at regattas. They all talk and gossip. It was well known on our team that Shipley was an asshole to the kids but got results so everyone put up with him. He was openly abusive to his athletes which made a lot the the females from other teams feel uncomfortable. Yes rowing is intense but he was definitely an outlier in his public treatment of his athletes. Our teams travel a lot too. Never would it just be a coach and the kids. Never. We would see Whitman at the travel locations and do just assumed parents had gone too-- like every other team! The whole program is completely toxic.

The good news this that the girls rowing out of TBC did really well this fall. So glad to see them loving the sport....and not being humiliated in public or worse!

there is so much misinformation being tossed around on this thread, and what is most upsetting to me to read are the parents of rowers in other HS programs who seem so quick to throw the whitman rowing parent community under a bus and allege the community as a whole cares more about winning than their own children’s or any child’s safety. I am the parent of 2 whitman rowers (boy/girl, but the team travels together), and I have never observed a regatta involving overnight travel where there have not been parent chaperones. I can’t speak to what happened in 2018, but for the past few years that has been true (and there are very few overnight regattas). Many teams practice year round as you know if you are the parent of rowers at another area high school - bcc, wj, wilson, etc. - and many teams have culture issues, including there were some on area teams this past fall but I don’t view it as appropriate to start calling out other teams nor would I pretend to know the inner workings. To be clear, Shipley is clearly a predator and with hindsight should have been removed and arrested long ago, I doubt anyone feels otherwise on that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former competitive rower (D1 and clubs after college), it's an incredibly intense sport. If you want to be competitive, you have to train very, very hard. And if you buy into that culture, that aspect of what Shipley did would be a feature, not a bug. I'm honestly not sure I want my kids rowing in HS, if they express any interest, because of how intense it is--I worry it would be too much for young kids.

As for the parents who claim they didn't see it: most parents don't want to believe something like this could happen to their kids. Many don't have any kind of experience, personally or professionally, with sexual predators. And plenty are SO horrified by the thought that they bury their heads in the sand rather than learn the signs. Couple that with the uber-competitive nature of many parents in this area, and, yeah, it's easy to see how it happened.

People seem to be making the assumption that parents who push their kids into the "best" academics and the most competitive sports are caring, observant parents, but usually, they're doing so out of their own self-interest.

Thanks for the insights, PP. Maybe you could help answer a question I think many of us have: why would anyone put this much time into a sport in HS unless they were gunning for an admissions boost or college scholarship or had Olympic dreams? One of my kids plays a D1 sport now, and I felt like the amount of time he spent training in HS was borderline unbalanced, but it sounds like these girls were spending twice as much time on rowing per week throughout the year, if not more. It really does sound almost cult-like both in terms of training to the exclusion of almost all else and the control exerted over the kids by a single charismatic individual. When you were in HS did you have one very powerful coach like this who controlled all aspects of the program?

I do understand that a lot of people fall in love with a sport and put a lot of time into it in the pursuit of excellence, and I understand the camaraderie that develops on teams. But there should be limits on how much training or competing time a coach can ask of HS kids in a HS-affiliated club sport, the same way there are for JV and Varsity HS sports and in college. If there are currently no rules established by the school or county re training time for club teams, that should change going forward. That’s just one of the structural problems that made it easier for Shipley to isolate these kids, but it seems like one of the easiest problems to fix.

Thanks for your questions, PP. I actually didn't row in HS (am old enough that athletic kids could row in college, i.e., before the explosion of rowing as a varsity sport)--but I have had coaches who were as obsessive as Shipley, if not sexually inappropriate, at least that I saw. That they weren't coaching very young girls is part of it; there's only so much most adults will tolerate from a coach.

I think the answer to your question is complicated, but probably a combination of various factors, in no particular order:
-Rowing is a highly technical sport, and not one that kids typically do prior to high school, so it takes a LOT of time and effort to improve quickly
-Ditto strength needs, although kids who were, say, swimmers from a young age, would have a physiological advantage in some ways
-Probably most of these kids were hoping that excelling in crew in HS would help them get into HYPS; these schools value rowing highly, so if you won at Stotesbury in HS, for example, that would be a big deal
-Some of these kids almost certainly were pressured by their parents to stay and to excel; crew is seen as a prestige sport by many
-Even kids who weren't in top boats might have been sucked into the cult-like aspects of the team, and wanted to participate as a sign of their own status
-These are kids, and kids are susceptible to peer pressure (and manipulation from charismatic adults like Shipley) in ways most adults are not

Of the various sports I've played in life (running, swimming, soccer, softball), crew is by far the most cult-like. Some of it is pride in doing a sport that's highly technical and extremely painful, and often requires you to wake up very early in the morning, no less! Some of it is sheer love of the sport. When you're in a fast boat, it's an incredible feeling, physically and emotionally. You do get very close to your teammates, because you go through so much together. Most people, even athletes, think crew is too intense, and so you do feel special because you do it.

And all of those reasons make it especially difficult to balance for teenagers. As I said, if my kids express interest when they get to HS, I'll vet the coaches and program very, very carefully. It can also lead to pretty significant physical injuries if done incorrectly or without proper strength training, so that needs monitoring. The fact that it typically occurs far from school grounds is problematic, as it affords too much time alone with a potential predator, and with not enough oversight. That the parent board is feigning ignorance is no excuse; if you're going to serve on a board like that, you have GOT to take it seriously and be aware of the risks to the kids. It's clear that the kids were not the priority here.

My friend injured his knee at football in college and ruled the rest of his college career and never did so in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also shocked that the board took the letter the girls had written and handed it over to the coach. This is a HUGE no no when it comes to abuse allegations. Insane how easily some of them threw these girls under the bus and tried to blame them.

The Washington Post article states specifically that the board members involved apologized for this. According to the article, the board members involved mistakenly believed the letter was meant to be an on-the-record statement and not confidential.

That is far from "[throwing] these girls under the bus and [trying] to blame them."

To the contrary, Shipley was immediately suspended, according to the Post.

THE BOARD MEMBER IS LYING! How do you fall fir this BS.

I didn’t know a letter, addressed to us, not the coach that you waited to send after you felt far away and safe was not supposed to be shared with your predator.

ffs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still stuck on letting a grown man take all these girls to Airbnb’s for out of town trips with no other adults/parents present. No one working with children should be given this kind of access. There were signs that he was inappropriate and the signs were completely ignored because parents wanted the status and success and scholarship money more than safety for their children. Period.

The problem with this thinking is that it allows you -- us -- to imagine that we are all sooo different from those Whitman parents, that different parents -- better parents -- would have noticed the signs and put a stop to things long ago.

Forget the part where that's a pretty uncharitable caricature of the Whitman community -- but it doesn't keep anyone safer. The fact is -- and this is backed up by research, feel free to google -- that we're all susceptible to manipulation. Predators show up in all kinds of communities. We are all vulnerable, to different degrees. All of our communities are full of individuals and families that are goal-driven, hardworking, that are achieve this or that. Our kindness makes us vulnerable. Our tendency to believe the best of people makes us vulnerable.

There's a litany of human psychological traits that make us easy prey for the most nefarious among us.

So yes to safeguards, yes to learning lessons. But the blame/shame thing here is, at best, not very constructive. And at worst, it's cruel.

Stop wagging your fingers and open your ears. Every community has voices that are marginalized and not listened to. Find the voices at your school. trust me they are there.

Wow! You need therapy that you need this much mental gymnastics to justify that you looked past all the evidence to keep “good admissions “ and left unwitting parents in a position to put their horns in the hands of a predator.

The board held back evidence, justified his actions, protected their interests and created a situation ripe for abuse.

I know a ton of people in high level sports. NOBODY sends students with a coach and no parental oversight. NOBODY.

I'm not a Whitman parent, let alone a Whitman rowing parent.

My point is that what is happening here psychologically is that you and many others in this thread are imagining that Whitman rowing parents are so different from the rest of us, and those essential differences are what accounts for the objectively inappropriate choices, e.g. coach staying in an Airbnb with the kids.

Not saying that is ok. What i am saying is, by imagining that the Whitman rowing parents are so different from the rest of us, that they were uniquely fixated on life's rewards or avoiding life's risks in a way that nobody else is, ignores the fact that the pattern of predation in this story is CLASSIC and happens in every kind of community, rich, poor, white, black, gay, straight. Everywhere.

It is dangerous to assume that the predator was successful because of the unique characteristics of his victims' parents.

It is safer to analyze and become VERY AWARE of HOW they came to trust him, HOW they came to allow things that should not have been allowed.

Knowing ourselves, our vulnerabilities, and becoming very aware of our blind spots is part of how we protect ourselves. Assuming we are "good parents" and it couldn't happen to US is precisely how we let our guard down and give predators the advantage.

Seriously, folks who don't like what I'm saying: Google social predation. Time after time, people report the same thing: We knew him. We trusted him. We had known him for years. His reputation preceded him. Pillar of the community. It was always done this way. Everyone loved him.

And on and on. It may feel good to preach at the shitty Whitman Rowing parents -- and who knows, maybe they all suck, I dunno, don't know them personally -- but personally I am much more interested in how to catch the next guy.

And I am in total agreement that we need to listen to kids and enforce rules of basic safety, e.g. no one-on-one adult-kid interactions, extra safety measures for overnight travel, etc. etc.

And we need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that it wouldn't have happened to US. It would. It very well could.

The board had all the information. They kept the information from the parents. (Except 2 apparently)

Parents let children stay in an Airbnb without a chaperone.

The board is responsible for mishandling the information… sharing it with the perpetrator, not trusting the girls.

Parents are responsible for letting their desire for a great school allow them to put their child in harms way.

The Washington Post article states that the coach was suspended right after the girls sent their letter outlining the toxic culture they experienced. So that suggests the board did trust the girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still stuck on letting a grown man take all these girls to Airbnb’s for out of town trips with no other adults/parents present. No one working with children should be given this kind of access. There were signs that he was inappropriate and the signs were completely ignored because parents wanted the status and success and scholarship money more than safety for their children. Period.

The problem with this thinking is that it allows you -- us -- to imagine that we are all sooo different from those Whitman parents, that different parents -- better parents -- would have noticed the signs and put a stop to things long ago.

Forget the part where that's a pretty uncharitable caricature of the Whitman community -- but it doesn't keep anyone safer. The fact is -- and this is backed up by research, feel free to google -- that we're all susceptible to manipulation. Predators show up in all kinds of communities. We are all vulnerable, to different degrees. All of our communities are full of individuals and families that are goal-driven, hardworking, that are achieve this or that. Our kindness makes us vulnerable. Our tendency to believe the best of people makes us vulnerable.

There's a litany of human psychological traits that make us easy prey for the most nefarious among us.

So yes to safeguards, yes to learning lessons. But the blame/shame thing here is, at best, not very constructive. And at worst, it's cruel.

Stop wagging your fingers and open your ears. Every community has voices that are marginalized and not listened to. Find the voices at your school. trust me they are there.

Wow! You need therapy that you need this much mental gymnastics to justify that you looked past all the evidence to keep “good admissions “ and left unwitting parents in a position to put their horns in the hands of a predator.

The board held back evidence, justified his actions, protected their interests and created a situation ripe for abuse.

I know a ton of people in high level sports. NOBODY sends students with a coach and no parental oversight. NOBODY.

I'm not a Whitman parent, let alone a Whitman rowing parent.

My point is that what is happening here psychologically is that you and many others in this thread are imagining that Whitman rowing parents are so different from the rest of us, and those essential differences are what accounts for the objectively inappropriate choices, e.g. coach staying in an Airbnb with the kids.

Not saying that is ok. What i am saying is, by imagining that the Whitman rowing parents are so different from the rest of us, that they were uniquely fixated on life's rewards or avoiding life's risks in a way that nobody else is, ignores the fact that the pattern of predation in this story is CLASSIC and happens in every kind of community, rich, poor, white, black, gay, straight. Everywhere.

It is dangerous to assume that the predator was successful because of the unique characteristics of his victims' parents.

It is safer to analyze and become VERY AWARE of HOW they came to trust him, HOW they came to allow things that should not have been allowed.

Knowing ourselves, our vulnerabilities, and becoming very aware of our blind spots is part of how we protect ourselves. Assuming we are "good parents" and it couldn't happen to US is precisely how we let our guard down and give predators the advantage.

Seriously, folks who don't like what I'm saying: Google social predation. Time after time, people report the same thing: We knew him. We trusted him. We had known him for years. His reputation preceded him. Pillar of the community. It was always done this way. Everyone loved him.

And on and on. It may feel good to preach at the shitty Whitman Rowing parents -- and who knows, maybe they all suck, I dunno, don't know them personally -- but personally I am much more interested in how to catch the next guy.

And I am in total agreement that we need to listen to kids and enforce rules of basic safety, e.g. no one-on-one adult-kid interactions, extra safety measures for overnight travel, etc. etc.

And we need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that it wouldn't have happened to US. It would. It very well could.

The board had all the information. They kept the information from the parents. (Except 2 apparently)

Parents let children stay in an Airbnb without a chaperone.

The board is responsible for mishandling the information… sharing it with the perpetrator, not trusting the girls.

Parents are responsible for letting their desire for a great school allow them to put their child in harms way.

The Washington Post article states that the coach was suspended right after the girls sent their letter outlining the toxic culture they experienced. So that suggests the board did trust the girls.

No. It suggests the board realized they were going to be sued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone given a good reason why the Board handed over the letter of complaint to the Coach this past summer (before he was arrested)? Anyone had to know that would chill further complaints. The justifications in the article, such as that the girls had not requested confidentiality, seemed pretty weak. I believe that many of the crew parents did not have all the facts, but that one fairly recent decision by the Board members seems pretty indefensible given that these concerns had been raised before.

It is truly amazing. He was calling the athletes he coached names to the board members regarding the letter and then they renewed his contract!

I have(had) multiple rowers who row out of TBC. Shipley being a creeper wasn't a secret even for the female athletes on other teams. What non-rowing parents may not know is that there are tons of teams down at TBC everyday during the fall and spring seasons. The kids generally know each other from neighborhoods, elementary school, other sports, friends of friends, etc. They see each other every day down on the water and most weekends at regattas. They all talk and gossip. It was well known on our team that Shipley was an asshole to the kids but got results so everyone put up with him. He was openly abusive to his athletes which made a lot the the females from other teams feel uncomfortable. Yes rowing is intense but he was definitely an outlier in his public treatment of his athletes. Our teams travel a lot too. Never would it just be a coach and the kids. Never. We would see Whitman at the travel locations and do just assumed parents had gone too-- like every other team! The whole program is completely toxic.

The good news this that the girls rowing out of TBC did really well this fall. So glad to see them loving the sport....and not being humiliated in public or worse!

there is so much misinformation being tossed around on this thread, and what is most upsetting to me to read are the parents of rowers in other HS programs who seem so quick to throw the whitman rowing parent community under a bus and allege the community as a whole cares more about winning than their own children’s or any child’s safety. I am the parent of 2 whitman rowers (boy/girl, but the team travels together), and I have never observed a regatta involving overnight travel where there have not been parent chaperones. I can’t speak to what happened in 2018, but for the past few years that has been true (and there are very few overnight regattas). Many teams practice year round as you know if you are the parent of rowers at another area high school - bcc, wj, wilson, etc. - and many teams have culture issues, including there were some on area teams this past fall but I don’t view it as appropriate to start calling out other teams nor would I pretend to know the inner workings. To be clear, Shipley is clearly a predator and with hindsight should have been removed and arrested long ago, I doubt anyone feels otherwise on that point.

No one has thrown the entire Whitman parent rowing community under the bus. Board which is parents yes but the whole group? Nope.

Sure I know of other teams who have had problems but none to the extent which the Post has reported on where parents in the community (your community) were speaking out only to be shut down by parents in the same community. The program -- board, coach and whomever at Whitman had connection to it are toxic. The Whitman parents we know who have kids rowing out of TBC were just as shocked as the rest of us but frankly, not shocked that other kids noticed the coaching issue which were happening in public.