For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

Perhaps your perspective is a little bit skewed, since you don’t really have a close relationship with your father. Have you ever thought that other people have really close relationships with their father and they don’t just see them occasionally for holidays?

All the more reason you should want them to be happy. If you’re living your own life, building your own career, pursuing your own adult relationships, you should be mature enough to allow your single father the same grace without causing guilt. For what? You’re a grown person!

All the more reason a 2nd wife should want them to be happy. These children have built a life and a career and have strong adult relationships which includes their dad.

A 2nd wife should be mature enough to allow their fully grown adult husband the same grace without causing guilt for … flying to Paris to enjoy a cafe, or Spain to taste wine, or Arizona for a long weekend golfing? You’re a grown person, you should understand These are normal positive ways adults interact with their father (even if you are at home watching tv with toddlers) … you’ll have your day in Europe with daddy when your kid is 20+.

This is absurd. It sounds very incestuous. If my husband went wine tasting or to Paris with an adult child and left me home with a toddler I’d be meeting with a divorce lawyer and ready to serve him when he returned. He could forever continue his incestuous relationship with his adult kid for all I care. He would owe me so much in child support and a property settlement that his trips to Arizona and Europe would be over forever, and he’d never be able to retire.

People with terrible parents nothing terrible parents. The fact that you think that adults going to Europe together is incestuous is quite frankly insane. No joke girlfriend. You really need some therapy.

Taking your adult kids wine tasting in Europe is text book incest. This is where daddy issues come from. It’s not my problem because DH takes me to Paris, not his adult kids. If that changes we’ll both know that it’s time to move on. My affairs are in order.

I traveled with my parents including tastings and I promise it did not end in an orgy, what is wrong with you? Do you just have no idea what a happy functional family looks like?

You traveled with your “parents”, not your dad. Who left your mom home with younger siblings.

My parents are divorced you dimwit! I travel with them both. And no one is doing anything incestuous. It’s called being family.

Time to grow up and have a life and family of your own.

My dad is my family and we are happily visiting Greece this summer with my 2 brothers.

It’s sad people abandon by their parents don’t know it’s normal to vacation with their dads as adults.

You assume the kids want a relationship and want to go. By that age, usually, the mom's have destroyed the relationship. You are also talking about very wealthy families. Most don't regularly take trips like that. We don't. If we rarely vacation, I'm not paying for adults to go on vacation while I stay home.

Yes normal people want a relationship with their parents. I am sad that you don’t understand that. The trip doesn’t have to be to Europe it could be a weekend to Myrtle Beach to go golfing.

Ok, so, go visit them. If we aren’t taking family vacations, why would we pay for you to go on a yearly one because you are entitled and spoiled. You can go to his house for a weekend. You excluding his wife and child and then screaming about family. You are the problem and your mom raised you poorly.

Agree with too

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Remember the delightful step mom who let us all know how much she HATEs when her adult step children visit? Think about it carefully before you make family-ending decisions, folks.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/261995.page

Wow. Digging deep in the archives.

Step mom's comments are... unforgettable.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Lol fantasy world

? You really think it’s a fantasy to not make male validation your identity? Dream bigger sweetheart!

It’s a fantasy world you think his family will be on your side. You are cray cray.

And if your identity is not wrapped up in your husband, why do you care how much time he spends with his adult children?

??? My husband is 37. His oldest child is my 10 yr old.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

Kids also earn the relationship in terms of money, vacations and inheritance.

No. Parents create the relationship by being parents. No crocodile tears when you did a bad job.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Lol fantasy world

? You really think it’s a fantasy to not make male validation your identity? Dream bigger sweetheart!

It’s a fantasy world you think his family will be on your side. You are cray cray.

And if your identity is not wrapped up in your husband, why do you care how much time he spends with his adult children?

??? My husband is 37. His oldest child is my 10 yr old.

Then, why are you posting on a thread about man with a 20 year old children?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Lol fantasy world

? You really think it’s a fantasy to not make male validation your identity? Dream bigger sweetheart!

It’s a fantasy world you think his family will be on your side. You are cray cray.

And if your identity is not wrapped up in your husband, why do you care how much time he spends with his adult children?

??? My husband is 37. His oldest child is my 10 yr old.

Then, why are you posting on a thread about man with a 20 year old children?

Because deep down she's scared she will get replaced when her husband realizes she's a greedy gold digger

[Anonymous]

This question reminds me of Bruce Willis and Emma. It's so weird to see Demi Moore posting about them and I for sure would not like that as a second wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

Parents' job is done when their kids become adults. The adult children should earn the relationship now.

[Anonymous]

This thread is disgusting. The adult children should be independent instead of looking for inheritance. The 2nd wives should marry their peer instead of some old men - looking at Murdoch makes me want to puke.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

Parents' job is done when their kids become adults. The adult children should earn the relationship now.

Yes job is done, time to have a full and healthy adult relationship which includes visits, vacations, and mutual interests.

Going to the NCAA finals with my dad this weekend.

[Anonymous]

This kind of thing is odd.

It’s strange for a 50 or 60 year old man to want to start over with babies. As a woman I was barely interested in stroller shopping and nursery planning for baby #2. I don’t understand why a 60 year old would be up for doing this again at an old age.

I also can’t imagine why any young woman with options would want to sign up for a marriage with someone old enough to be their dad.

It makes me think there is something very wrong with the woman. I assume the man is simply after sex with someone younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing is odd.

It’s strange for a 50 or 60 year old man to want to start over with babies. As a woman I was barely interested in stroller shopping and nursery planning for baby #2. I don’t understand why a 60 year old would be up for doing this again at an old age.

I also can’t imagine why any young woman with options would want to sign up for a marriage with someone old enough to be their dad.

It makes me think there is something very wrong with the woman. I assume the man is simply after sex with someone younger.

This thread has stirred up an amazing amount of vitriol. It seems like a lot of middle aged divorced men with children marry younger women who want their own children. This leaves the first set of children abandoned in terms of time, emotional and financial support that is occasionally required. My children are in their twenties, and while they no longer need me the way they did as little ones, we certainly interact and spend vacations and holidays together. Everyone benefits. It’s very surprising to me that so many second wives on this thread think that their step kids have no call on their husbands time or money. That some would divorce their husbands if they went on a trip with their older children. In my extended family we gather from across the country every year and see each other often. Perhaps not coincidentally, no one among my husband’s relatives is divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This thread is disgusting. The adult children should be independent instead of looking for inheritance. The 2nd wives should marry their peer instead of some old men - looking at Murdoch makes me want to puke.

Murdoch seems to have learned his lesson after Wendy Deng.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear, Americans are all mentally sick. This is nothing new, it's been happening for forever, and in the old times usually because the 1st wife died during childbirth.
You are an independent adult with your own life, money, SO, friends, career, and interests. Your dad moved on, has a new life, and it's his choice to have more kids. Your feelings are irrelevant - European here from a family with no divorces or second families. It's also SO weird to vacation with your parents. No wonder you have such incredibly messed up family lives.

That’s f**** up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing is odd.

It’s strange for a 50 or 60 year old man to want to start over with babies. As a woman I was barely interested in stroller shopping and nursery planning for baby #2. I don’t understand why a 60 year old would be up for doing this again at an old age.

I also can’t imagine why any young woman with options would want to sign up for a marriage with someone old enough to be their dad.

It makes me think there is something very wrong with the woman. I assume the man is simply after sex with someone younger.

It’s more often men in their late forties or early fifties who want to remarry and have more kids. Usually they’re very wealthy. It’s not just about sex because that’s easy to find without having to start a family. They want a young, beautiful wife and a young family. In more modern examples, they end up with intellectual peers as well - women with an md, jd or mba. There are a few successful, long lasting families like this where the man is very committed to his new family and very rich. It’s what he chose and he’s committed. The rest are total disasters - the men end up disappointing everyone. His young wife leaves him because he doesn’t have enough time or money for her and he’s old on top of it all. His adult kids hate him. He ends up broke after two divorces.