For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

[Anonymous]

I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Lol fantasy world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Lol fantasy world

? You really think it’s a fantasy to not make male validation your identity? Dream bigger sweetheart!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Lol fantasy world

? You really think it’s a fantasy to not make male validation your identity? Dream bigger sweetheart!

It’s a fantasy world you think his family will be on your side. You are cray cray.

And if your identity is not wrapped up in your husband, why do you care how much time he spends with his adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

And? My identity isn’t wrapped around being validated by men’s . I have a great career, great kids, great life. As it happens my husband and I are happily and deeply in love, but if it should come to pass, I’ll enjoy many wine tastings in Spain with my kids. And my sister. And frankly also my ex MIL because DH comes from a culture that is very harsh to men who abandon their family. My cousin-in-law was disowned by my husband’s aunt and uncle and they bought a house for his ex wife and grandkids adjacent to their estate.

Yeah, you aren’t going to be doing wine vacations with your kids when they are in their twenties. But good for you for having a great imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

Second wives come from such disordered an abusive backgrounds they tell their own story as if it’s great and normal people read it and think how incredibly awful it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

What fantasy world do you live in? Is this how you justify cutting your kids dad out of their life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

Second wives come from such disordered an abusive backgrounds they tell their own story as if it’s great and normal people read it and think how incredibly awful it is.

Where do you get this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. My husband’s children in their 30’s decided we were just a bank. My DH did the best he could to stay in touch. They didn’t see him before he died of stage 4 cancer. Yet, they were shocked he left me his entire estate. We commingled a lot of money.

Parents have the relationship they earn. You people don’t even realize you’re telling on yourself with these stories.

Kids also earn the relationship in terms of money, vacations and inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear, Americans are all mentally sick. This is nothing new, it's been happening for forever, and in the old times usually because the 1st wife died during childbirth.
You are an independent adult with your own life, money, SO, friends, career, and interests. Your dad moved on, has a new life, and it's his choice to have more kids. Your feelings are irrelevant - European here from a family with no divorces or second families. It's also SO weird to vacation with your parents. No wonder you have such incredibly messed up family lives.

My European family (happy family, no divorces, stable kids and relationships) vacation together all the time. Don’t pretend you represent us with your angry miserable nonsense.

We are talking about divorced families. Very different. You don’t seem to get that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up.

How are the second set messed up? They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home. In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice. She got to move on. He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad.

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true. In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young.

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc. It's all over this thread.

Abandonment issues because their dads… abandoned them? Wow what winners you later wives are scooping up. But I’m sure he won’t do it you you. Men never discard the mothers of their children for younger prettier women *twice.*

You know this can happen to you, too, right? It wouldn’t be the first time a same-aged husband cheats on his menopausal 45 yo wife with a 20-something. Life happens.

Or, the wife cheats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear, Americans are all mentally sick. This is nothing new, it's been happening for forever, and in the old times usually because the 1st wife died during childbirth.
You are an independent adult with your own life, money, SO, friends, career, and interests. Your dad moved on, has a new life, and it's his choice to have more kids. Your feelings are irrelevant - European here from a family with no divorces or second families. It's also SO weird to vacation with your parents. No wonder you have such incredibly messed up family lives.

My European family (happy family, no divorces, stable kids and relationships) vacation together all the time. Don’t pretend you represent us with your angry miserable nonsense.

We are talking about divorced families. Very different. You don’t seem to get that.

The PP I was responding to was talking about their family with no divorces and how weird it is to vacation together.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life.

Perhaps your perspective is a little bit skewed, since you don’t really have a close relationship with your father. Have you ever thought that other people have really close relationships with their father and they don’t just see them occasionally for holidays?

All the more reason you should want them to be happy. If you’re living your own life, building your own career, pursuing your own adult relationships, you should be mature enough to allow your single father the same grace without causing guilt. For what? You’re a grown person!

All the more reason a 2nd wife should want them to be happy. These children have built a life and a career and have strong adult relationships which includes their dad.

A 2nd wife should be mature enough to allow their fully grown adult husband the same grace without causing guilt for … flying to Paris to enjoy a cafe, or Spain to taste wine, or Arizona for a long weekend golfing? You’re a grown person, you should understand These are normal positive ways adults interact with their father (even if you are at home watching tv with toddlers) … you’ll have your day in Europe with daddy when your kid is 20+.

This is absurd. It sounds very incestuous. If my husband went wine tasting or to Paris with an adult child and left me home with a toddler I’d be meeting with a divorce lawyer and ready to serve him when he returned. He could forever continue his incestuous relationship with his adult kid for all I care. He would owe me so much in child support and a property settlement that his trips to Arizona and Europe would be over forever, and he’d never be able to retire.

People with terrible parents nothing terrible parents. The fact that you think that adults going to Europe together is incestuous is quite frankly insane. No joke girlfriend. You really need some therapy.

Taking your adult kids wine tasting in Europe is text book incest. This is where daddy issues come from. It’s not my problem because DH takes me to Paris, not his adult kids. If that changes we’ll both know that it’s time to move on. My affairs are in order.

I traveled with my parents including tastings and I promise it did not end in an orgy, what is wrong with you? Do you just have no idea what a happy functional family looks like?

You traveled with your “parents”, not your dad. Who left your mom home with younger siblings.

My parents are divorced you dimwit! I travel with them both. And no one is doing anything incestuous. It’s called being family

Yes be family - your dad should be bringing along his wife and kids too. After all you are family no?

Don’t worry my dad divorced #2, and #3 too. They don’t want to come.

You have ivanka syndrome lol

What does that mean? That I’m tall rich and blonde? Because that’s all true.

Firstly I doubt you are that rich because you wouldn't be crying over daddy's inheritance and begging for trips to Europe. Nor would you be insecure over your new siblings.
Ivanka syndrome is mini wife syndrome

Do you actually think that the dads are paying for these trips? Omg

You have literally been crying over inheritance and not getting trips and daddy paying for grand kids. Mini wife syndrome
And agree with pp

No we are not talking about that. We are simply talking about our yearly family vacation that dad normally goes to but all of a sudden he can’t because his new wife won’t let him go like he’s not an adult anymore who can make his own decisions.

I also think it’s weird he can’t go visit his new grandchild for the weekend because his new wife won’t let him and yes he tells us that it’s causing a big fight.

This is bizzare. Why can’t you invite all of them? If you want to be treated like their family, you also need to treat them like family. Why can’t you go visit them! If it is a family vacation and includes young kids that’s is bizzare your kids can come but your half siblings cannot You are creating an impossible situation.

Exactly