How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If any of you idiots think you are hiding anything you are just that - idiots. One of the owners of my company is having an affair with one of the glorified assistants in my office. EVERYONE KNOWS. Even the INTERNS KNOW. To make this easy let's call her the "tramp" and let's call him the "ass." He has fucked anything and everything he ever could - he has even hired assistants from strip clubs. True story. He impregnated one and forced her to have an abortion. The "tramp" somehow thinks she is different and thinks the "ass" is going to leave his wife for her. "The tramp" is a single mom with a son who has issues. The son may very well be gay. Who knows. That is irrelevant to this topic. She struggles with money issues, self-esteem issues, she has no girl friends, she has delusions of grandeur and gets drunk frequently and tells people about her affair with the boss (and then doesn't remember). Yet there she is in church EVERY Sunday! What a JOKE. Then the two of them are constantly photographed in the local "shiny sheet" together. Pathetic. I hope she is praying very hard every Sunday.

Do you think all "cheaters" are like the situation that you outlined?

Would consider two people "cheaters" if they only had sexual relations with each other and no one else including their respective spouse?

[Anonymous]

Have some balls and post your name instead of posting anonymous, if you're so proud of wanting to cheat. Leave your spouse if you're that unhappy, but don't force your disgusting behavior into someone else's life. Nobody deserves a spouse like you. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If any of you idiots think you are hiding anything you are just that - idiots. One of the owners of my company is having an affair with one of the glorified assistants in my office. EVERYONE KNOWS. Even the INTERNS KNOW. To make this easy let's call her the "tramp" and let's call him the "ass." He has fucked anything and everything he ever could - he has even hired assistants from strip clubs. True story. He impregnated one and forced her to have an abortion. The "tramp" somehow thinks she is different and thinks the "ass" is going to leave his wife for her. "The tramp" is a single mom with a son who has issues. The son may very well be gay. Who knows. That is irrelevant to this topic. She struggles with money issues, self-esteem issues, she has no girl friends, she has delusions of grandeur and gets drunk frequently and tells people about her affair with the boss (and then doesn't remember). Yet there she is in church EVERY Sunday! What a JOKE. Then the two of them are constantly photographed in the local "shiny sheet" together. Pathetic. I hope she is praying very hard every Sunday.

You're right about one thing. This is irrelevant to the topic.

[Anonymous]

I’m the one married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. Regarding falling in love with someone, there must be boundaries.

I’m not convinced that monogamy is human nature. Physiologically, we are most like Chimps and Bonobos, which are very promiscuous, even using sex as a social bonding tool. We all have rather large genitalia for our body size. Less promiscuous apes have extremely small genitalia. (Count your blessings everyone.) When humans were still hunter/gatherers, they were nomadic. Tools and property was shared, because it was impractical for everyone to have their own. And this was extended to mates as well. There are even theories as to why men get sleepy after sex while women remain on a high, as well as her being vocal in climax - because it would cause the man to leave to go sleep it off, while the woman’s vocalizations attracted the next man to take his turn. May the best sperm win, and advance the species.

So, what happened? As humans settled down to engage in agriculture, it became more practical to own property, including land. And what better way for man to pass his property to his heirs than to know and control who his heirs were. So women became just more of his property. And man made it oh so conveniently enforced through his religion. In some cultures, man was randy enough and inventive enough to provide for multiple wives or concubines in his religion.

Today, society constricts us into this man-made monogamy. And people stray – it is their nature after all – and cause all sorts of grief because of societal expectations.

As for myself, I don’t think our spouses – our soul mates – are anything more than an extremely close friend. All our relationships are simply plotted on a spectrum, enemies toward one end, loved ones toward another, perhaps no one right on either end. Our own parents are right up there with our spouses, but we generally don’t have sex with them. But we do have some very closes friends up near the top. Whether we choose to have sex with just one person up there, or a very select group should really be up to those involved.

My thoughts, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have some balls and post your name instead of posting anonymous, if you're so proud of wanting to cheat. Leave your spouse if you're that unhappy, but don't force your disgusting behavior into someone else's life. Nobody deserves a spouse like you. Ugh.

And just where are your balls, Mr. (or Ms.) posting anonymous. It's not a matter of pride, or balls for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have some balls and post your name instead of posting anonymous, if you're so proud of wanting to cheat. Leave your spouse if you're that unhappy, but don't force your disgusting behavior into someone else's life. Nobody deserves a spouse like you. Ugh.

And just where are your balls, Mr. (or Ms.) posting anonymous. It's not a matter of pride, or balls for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the one married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. Regarding falling in love with someone, there must be boundaries.

I’m not convinced that monogamy is human nature. Physiologically, we are most like Chimps and Bonobos, which are very promiscuous, even using sex as a social bonding tool. We all have rather large genitalia for our body size. Less promiscuous apes have extremely small genitalia. (Count your blessings everyone.) When humans were still hunter/gatherers, they were nomadic. Tools and property was shared, because it was impractical for everyone to have their own. And this was extended to mates as well. There are even theories as to why men get sleepy after sex while women remain on a high, as well as her being vocal in climax - because it would cause the man to leave to go sleep it off, while the woman’s vocalizations attracted the next man to take his turn. May the best sperm win, and advance the species.

So, what happened? As humans settled down to engage in agriculture, it became more practical to own property, including land. And what better way for man to pass his property to his heirs than to know and control who his heirs were. So women became just more of his property. And man made it oh so conveniently enforced through his religion. In some cultures, man was randy enough and inventive enough to provide for multiple wives or concubines in his religion.

Today, society constricts us into this man-made monogamy. And people stray – it is their nature after all – and cause all sorts of grief because of societal expectations.

As for myself, I don’t think our spouses – our soul mates – are anything more than an extremely close friend. All our relationships are simply plotted on a spectrum, enemies toward one end, loved ones toward another, perhaps no one right on either end. Our own parents are right up there with our spouses, but we generally don’t have sex with them. But we do have some very closes friends up near the top. Whether we choose to have sex with just one person up there, or a very select group should really be up to those involved.

My thoughts, anyway.

Exactly the point. Up to those involved. The spouse of a cheating husband or wife is involved. You are disgusting if you seriously think you have the right to cheat. You have the right to tell your spouse "Hey, I am going to have sex with other people." Absolutely! Go for it! But give your spouse the chance to agree or disagree, leave you or stay with you. You do NOT have the right to betray someone's trust like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the one married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. Regarding falling in love with someone, there must be boundaries.

I’m not convinced that monogamy is human nature. Physiologically, we are most like Chimps and Bonobos, which are very promiscuous, even using sex as a social bonding tool. We all have rather large genitalia for our body size. Less promiscuous apes have extremely small genitalia. (Count your blessings everyone.) When humans were still hunter/gatherers, they were nomadic. Tools and property was shared, because it was impractical for everyone to have their own. And this was extended to mates as well. There are even theories as to why men get sleepy after sex while women remain on a high, as well as her being vocal in climax - because it would cause the man to leave to go sleep it off, while the woman’s vocalizations attracted the next man to take his turn. May the best sperm win, and advance the species.

So, what happened? As humans settled down to engage in agriculture, it became more practical to own property, including land. And what better way for man to pass his property to his heirs than to know and control who his heirs were. So women became just more of his property. And man made it oh so conveniently enforced through his religion. In some cultures, man was randy enough and inventive enough to provide for multiple wives or concubines in his religion.

Today, society constricts us into this man-made monogamy. And people stray – it is their nature after all – and cause all sorts of grief because of societal expectations.

As for myself, I don’t think our spouses – our soul mates – are anything more than an extremely close friend. All our relationships are simply plotted on a spectrum, enemies toward one end, loved ones toward another, perhaps no one right on either end. Our own parents are right up there with our spouses, but we generally don’t have sex with them. But we do have some very closes friends up near the top. Whether we choose to have sex with just one person up there, or a very select group should really be up to those involved.

My thoughts, anyway.

Exactly the point. Up to those involved. The spouse of a cheating husband or wife is involved. You are disgusting if you seriously think you have the right to cheat. You have the right to tell your spouse "Hey, I am going to have sex with other people." Absolutely! Go for it! But give your spouse the chance to agree or disagree, leave you or stay with you. You do NOT have the right to betray someone's trust like that.

Is it better to destroy an entire marriage? To throw away everything? Or to find a solution outside? Or to accept going through the rest of your life without sex? One could argue that she has already betrayed him by not informing him up front that she intended to enter into the marriage expecting to not have sex.

Is 100% honesty the way to go? When a wives get together with their girlfriends and complain about their husbands, pure honesty would dictate that she should tell her husband all that was discussed, to tell him exactly what she told her friends about him. I'm sure that would go over real well.

It's not that black and white. Sometimes it is better to refrain from honesty to do the least harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the one married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. Regarding falling in love with someone, there must be boundaries.

I’m not convinced that monogamy is human nature. Physiologically, we are most like Chimps and Bonobos, which are very promiscuous, even using sex as a social bonding tool. We all have rather large genitalia for our body size. Less promiscuous apes have extremely small genitalia. (Count your blessings everyone.) When humans were still hunter/gatherers, they were nomadic. Tools and property was shared, because it was impractical for everyone to have their own. And this was extended to mates as well. There are even theories as to why men get sleepy after sex while women remain on a high, as well as her being vocal in climax - because it would cause the man to leave to go sleep it off, while the woman’s vocalizations attracted the next man to take his turn. May the best sperm win, and advance the species.

So, what happened? As humans settled down to engage in agriculture, it became more practical to own property, including land. And what better way for man to pass his property to his heirs than to know and control who his heirs were. So women became just more of his property. And man made it oh so conveniently enforced through his religion. In some cultures, man was randy enough and inventive enough to provide for multiple wives or concubines in his religion.

Today, society constricts us into this man-made monogamy. And people stray – it is their nature after all – and cause all sorts of grief because of societal expectations.

As for myself, I don’t think our spouses – our soul mates – are anything more than an extremely close friend. All our relationships are simply plotted on a spectrum, enemies toward one end, loved ones toward another, perhaps no one right on either end. Our own parents are right up there with our spouses, but we generally don’t have sex with them. But we do have some very closes friends up near the top. Whether we choose to have sex with just one person up there, or a very select group should really be up to those involved.

My thoughts, anyway.

Exactly the point. Up to those involved. The spouse of a cheating husband or wife is involved. You are disgusting if you seriously think you have the right to cheat. You have the right to tell your spouse "Hey, I am going to have sex with other people." Absolutely! Go for it! But give your spouse the chance to agree or disagree, leave you or stay with you. You do NOT have the right to betray someone's trust like that.

Is it better to destroy an entire marriage? To throw away everything? Or to find a solution outside? Or to accept going through the rest of your life without sex? One could argue that she has already betrayed him by not informing him up front that she intended to enter into the marriage expecting to not have sex.

Is 100% honesty the way to go? When a wives get together with their girlfriends and complain about their husbands, pure honesty would dictate that she should tell her husband all that was discussed, to tell him exactly what she told her friends about him. I'm sure that would go over real well.

It's not that black and white. Sometimes it is better to refrain from honesty to do the least harm.

What will you do when you find a good sex partner that you fall in love with and who loves you back, and you both want to spend all your time together rather than having "an affair"? Obviously then there will be nothing that will keep you in your sexless marriage and you will move on to a real marriage with the OW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the one married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. Regarding falling in love with someone, there must be boundaries.

I’m not convinced that monogamy is human nature. Physiologically, we are most like Chimps and Bonobos, which are very promiscuous, even using sex as a social bonding tool. We all have rather large genitalia for our body size. Less promiscuous apes have extremely small genitalia. (Count your blessings everyone.) When humans were still hunter/gatherers, they were nomadic. Tools and property was shared, because it was impractical for everyone to have their own. And this was extended to mates as well. There are even theories as to why men get sleepy after sex while women remain on a high, as well as her being vocal in climax - because it would cause the man to leave to go sleep it off, while the woman’s vocalizations attracted the next man to take his turn. May the best sperm win, and advance the species.

So, what happened? As humans settled down to engage in agriculture, it became more practical to own property, including land. And what better way for man to pass his property to his heirs than to know and control who his heirs were. So women became just more of his property. And man made it oh so conveniently enforced through his religion. In some cultures, man was randy enough and inventive enough to provide for multiple wives or concubines in his religion.

Today, society constricts us into this man-made monogamy. And people stray – it is their nature after all – and cause all sorts of grief because of societal expectations.

As for myself, I don’t think our spouses – our soul mates – are anything more than an extremely close friend. All our relationships are simply plotted on a spectrum, enemies toward one end, loved ones toward another, perhaps no one right on either end. Our own parents are right up there with our spouses, but we generally don’t have sex with them. But we do have some very closes friends up near the top. Whether we choose to have sex with just one person up there, or a very select group should really be up to those involved.

My thoughts, anyway.

Exactly the point. Up to those involved. The spouse of a cheating husband or wife is involved. You are disgusting if you seriously think you have the right to cheat. You have the right to tell your spouse "Hey, I am going to have sex with other people." Absolutely! Go for it! But give your spouse the chance to agree or disagree, leave you or stay with you. You do NOT have the right to betray someone's trust like that.

Is it better to destroy an entire marriage? To throw away everything? Or to find a solution outside? Or to accept going through the rest of your life without sex? One could argue that she has already betrayed him by not informing him up front that she intended to enter into the marriage expecting to not have sex.

Is 100% honesty the way to go? When a wives get together with their girlfriends and complain about their husbands, pure honesty would dictate that she should tell her husband all that was discussed, to tell him exactly what she told her friends about him. I'm sure that would go over real well.

It's not that black and white. Sometimes it is better to refrain from honesty to do the least harm.

Are you really that delusional? That's exactly what you are doing, when you disregard your spouses trust for you and cheat on her/him behind his/her back. That's what you are doing, throwing away everything. Wake up will you?

And yes, if a wife has a problem with her husband she should tell him. I tell my husband everything I think about him to his face. So does he. We are closer and better people because of it. And yes, it IS that black and white. The one thing marriage is about is being honest to each other. If you can't do that, by all means, get a divorce. It will end that way eventually anyway because NO cheater stays hidden forever. That's the delusion they all fall for and it works for a while, maybe a long while. But eventually it comes out and once it does try telling me again how your solution is better than just telling your spouse upfront that you need to part ways?

Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Both of the last two posters have completely ignored the premise, and are therefore out of context. They assume that sex and love are the same, that everyone is monogamous. The writer has established that this may not be the case. Rather than arguing from your own closed perspective, open you mind to possibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of the last two posters have completely ignored the premise, and are therefore out of context. They assume that sex and love are the same, that everyone is monogamous. The writer has established that this may not be the case. Rather than arguing from your own closed perspective, open you mind to possibilities.

I am one of the posters you mention. I did not say sex and love are the same. I said, what will PP do when he falls in love with a good sex partner. If you don't think that is likely, then maybe you (and PP) have low expectations for yourselves, in which case PP also has no one else to blame for a sexless marriage. Raise your expectations for what life has to offer.

[Anonymous]

That damned HIV ruined everything!!

[Anonymous]

This was such an interesting thread once upon a time. Where have you gone, Rico Suave, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was such an interesting thread once upon a time. Where have you gone, Rico Suave, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Joltin' Joe has left and gone away
Y'all