Reply to How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the one married over 20 years to a wonderful woman.  Regarding falling in love with someone, there must be boundaries.

I’m not convinced that monogamy is human nature.  Physiologically, we are most like Chimps and Bonobos, which are very promiscuous, even using sex as a social bonding tool.  We all have rather large genitalia for our body size.  Less promiscuous apes have extremely small genitalia.  (Count your blessings everyone.)  When humans were still hunter/gatherers, they were nomadic.  Tools and property was shared, because it was impractical for everyone to have their own.  And this was extended to mates as well.  There are even theories as to why men get sleepy after sex while women remain on a high, as well as her being vocal in climax - because it would cause the man to leave to go sleep it off, while the woman’s vocalizations attracted the next man to take his turn.  May the best sperm win, and advance the species.

So, what happened?  As humans settled down to engage in agriculture, it became more practical to own property, including land.  And what better way for man to pass his property to his heirs than to know and control who his heirs were.  So women became just more of his property.  And man made it oh so conveniently enforced through his religion.  In some cultures, man was randy enough and inventive enough to provide for multiple wives or concubines in his religion.

Today, society constricts us into this man-made monogamy.  And people stray – it is their nature after all – and cause all sorts of grief because of societal expectations.

As for myself, I don’t think our spouses – our soul mates – are anything more than an extremely close friend.  All our relationships are simply plotted on a spectrum, enemies toward one end, loved ones toward another, perhaps no one right on either end.  Our own parents are right up there with our spouses, but we generally don’t have sex with them.  But we do have some very closes friends up near the top.  [b]Whether we choose to have sex with just one person up there, or a very select group should really be up to those involved.[/b]

My thoughts, anyway.[/quote]

Exactly the point. Up to those involved. The spouse of a cheating husband or wife is involved. You are disgusting if you seriously think you have the right to cheat. You have the right to tell your spouse "Hey, I am going to have sex with other people." Absolutely! Go for it! But give your spouse the chance to agree or disagree, leave you or stay with you. You do NOT have the right to betray someone's trust like that.[/quote]

[b]Is it better to destroy an entire marriage?  To throw away everything?[/b]  Or to find a solution outside?  Or to accept going through the rest of your life without sex?  One could argue that she has already betrayed him by not informing him up front that she intended to enter into the marriage expecting to not have sex.

Is 100% honesty the way to go?  When a wives get together with their girlfriends and complain about their husbands, pure honesty would dictate that she should tell her husband all that was discussed, to tell him exactly what she told her friends about him.  I'm sure that would go over real well.

It's not that black and white.  Sometimes it is better to refrain from honesty to do the least harm.[/quote]

Are you really that delusional? That's exactly what you are doing, when you disregard your spouses trust for you and cheat on her/him behind his/her back. That's what you are doing, throwing away everything. Wake up will you?

And yes, if a wife has a problem with her husband she should tell him. I tell my husband everything I think about him to his face. So does he. We are closer and better people because of it. And yes, it IS that black and white. The one thing marriage is about is being honest to each other. If you can't do that, by all means, get a divorce. It will end that way eventually anyway because NO cheater stays hidden forever. That's the delusion they all fall for and it works for a while, maybe a long while. But eventually it comes out and once it does try telling me again how your solution is better than just telling your spouse upfront that you need to part ways?

Unbelievable.[/quote]

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