Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

Exactly, it's one of the things that requires the least amount of effort and some of the "feminists" in this board can't even do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

I get it, you’re a typical third wave #girlboss “feminist” with zero understanding of what true equality would actually look like. So you keep leaning into that patriarchy while failing to understand that you have been completely hoodwinked.

It would be pointless to lecture the average self-proclaimed feminist American woman about feminism because she is too far gone; the patriarchy has infested her mind and soul. (The majority of ya’ll can’t be reached. But maybe some of your daughters will actually “get it” someday.)

[Anonymous]

This thread has made me less of a feminist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t change my name and I never would. It’s my name. And women do t have to justify it with a “big fancy career” either. I love my name. My husband doesn’t care. OP tell why women should change their name? It’s a relic of a time when women were property of their husbands.

Whose last name do your kids have? Their Dad’s? Just like you?

Newsflash: unless last names start being passed down the maternal side, your last name is STILL just the name of a man who has “owned” you.

DP. Please stop with this sad excuse of an "argument". Yes, most people in the US have their father's name, which they were given at birth with no input of their own, so why do women, but not men, are expected to make yet another name change to that of their father in law's?

By the way, I have my mom's and my dad's and if I have children I will give them my husband's and one of mine.

It’s not a sad excuse for an argument, it’s reality. If you’re really a feminist you’ll give your kids YOUR last name. Go on, smash the patriarchy!

Or continue to take the path of least resistance (keep your name) while not making any meaningful change (because that would actually be difficult to get your kids’ father/society onboard) and pat yourself on the back for being such a dutiful little “feminist”.

Please

Did you read my comment? I would give my children BOTH surnames like they do in Spanish speaking countries. Feminism is about equality, not about substituting the man's name for the woman's.

And guess what? The last surname is still the last name in this country. Which surname will that be?

Also, LOL to your super strong opinion on this when you don’t even have kids.

Do you mean to say that women still pass their paternal and not maternal name? Maybe they do, but my point is that I don't have to do it. I can pick my maternal name or mix the names of my mom and dad in some way. This is the beauty of living in the US, where you can literally give your child any surname you want.

As for loling my opinion, this is a thread about married women changing their name. You asked a question about how would women who keep their names name their children and I replied. If you don't want to hear a person's opinion then stop asking questions.

You sound like a college student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

You are assigning a value to this whereas I am not. You see it as sexist. I don’t. There are real things to get upset about in this world and this simply isn’t one of them.

I’m fighting against sexist values by making sure my daughters are independent, educated, strong, and confident. Guess what? I won’t feel like I failed if they take their husbands’ names. Not at all.

This isn't me assigning value. Gender-based expectations are sexist by definition, plain and simple. Congrats one raising your children well and I'm sure they'll grow up to be great. It's not a failure if they take they eventually take your husband's name, but this doesn't mean that the expectation that women, but not men, take their spouses name isn't sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has made me less of a feminist.

An anonymous forum thread, and on dcum? That was enough?

Weak sauce, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

And another woman’s big decision on a personal level may be to change her name.

She can respect your choice and you can respect hers. Isn’t it great we live in a time when we can make our own choices rather than having actions dictated to us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

I get it, you’re a typical third wave #girlboss “feminist” with zero understanding of what true equality would actually look like. So you keep leaning into that patriarchy while failing to understand that you have been completely hoodwinked.

It would be pointless to lecture the average self-proclaimed feminist American woman about feminism because she is too far gone; the patriarchy has infested her mind and soul. (The majority of ya’ll can’t be reached. But maybe some of your daughters will actually “get it” someday.)

You (or other posters) keep talking about "true equality", throwing strawmen about #girlbosses and other things nobody is this board has mentioned and accusing women of not understanding what feminism is, but can't manage to enlighten us about what "true" feminism is supposed to look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

It’s not a big decision, though. With the exception of a few weirdos in this very thread literally no one cares and it has zero importance to anyone or anything.

A big personal decision, for example, is choosing to leave your infant children with low paid daycare workers while you go back to your corporate job and earn some money for you and even more for “the man” because… that’s the feminist choice in your twisted worldview. Plus, not doing so would require actual sacrifice on your part and you’re not really prepared to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t change my name and I never would. It’s my name. And women do t have to justify it with a “big fancy career” either. I love my name. My husband doesn’t care. OP tell why women should change their name? It’s a relic of a time when women were property of their husbands.

Whose last name do your kids have? Their Dad’s? Just like you?

Newsflash: unless last names start being passed down the maternal side, your last name is STILL just the name of a man who has “owned” you.

DP. Please stop with this sad excuse of an "argument". Yes, most people in the US have their father's name, which they were given at birth with no input of their own, so why do women, but not men, are expected to make yet another name change to that of their father in law's?

By the way, I have my mom's and my dad's and if I have children I will give them my husband's and one of mine.

It’s not a sad excuse for an argument, it’s reality. If you’re really a feminist you’ll give your kids YOUR last name. Go on, smash the patriarchy!

Or continue to take the path of least resistance (keep your name) while not making any meaningful change (because that would actually be difficult to get your kids’ father/society onboard) and pat yourself on the back for being such a dutiful little “feminist”.

Please

Did you read my comment? I would give my children BOTH surnames like they do in Spanish speaking countries. Feminism is about equality, not about substituting the man's name for the woman's.

And guess what? The last surname is still the last name in this country. Which surname will that be?

Also, LOL to your super strong opinion on this when you don’t even have kids.

Do you mean to say that women still pass their paternal and not maternal name? Maybe they do, but my point is that I don't have to do it. I can pick my maternal name or mix the names of my mom and dad in some way. This is the beauty of living in the US, where you can literally give your child any surname you want.

As for loling my opinion, this is a thread about married women changing their name. You asked a question about how would women who keep their names name their children and I replied. If you don't want to hear a person's opinion then stop asking questions.

You sound like a college student.

And you sound like someon who just ran out of arguments, but is still interested in interacting with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

It’s not a big decision, though. With the exception of a few weirdos in this very thread literally no one cares and it has zero importance to anyone or anything.

A big personal decision, for example, is choosing to leave your infant children with low paid daycare workers while you go back to your corporate job and earn some money for you and even more for “the man” because… that’s the feminist choice in your twisted worldview. Plus, not doing so would require actual sacrifice on your part and you’re not really prepared to do that.

And while you’re at that corporate job, figuring out how to advocate for a salary similar to the men working a comparable role. (Speaking from experience)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

It’s not a big decision, though. With the exception of a few weirdos in this very thread literally no one cares and it has zero importance to anyone or anything.

A big personal decision, for example, is choosing to leave your infant children with low paid daycare workers while you go back to your corporate job and earn some money for you and even more for “the man” because… that’s the feminist choice in your twisted worldview. Plus, not doing so would require actual sacrifice on your part and you’re not really prepared to do that.

If it's not a big decision, why don't men do it? Why it's only not a big deal when women have to change their surname?
Flash news: if you don't work a corporate job to stay home with your children, then your husband has to sacrifice his time with his children to provide for your lifestyle. The fact that you don't find this problematic says a lot about you. I personally know many couples who both have flexible jobs and raise their children as partners, not as provider and dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

It’s not a big decision, though. With the exception of a few weirdos in this very thread literally no one cares and it has zero importance to anyone or anything.

A big personal decision, for example, is choosing to leave your infant children with low paid daycare workers while you go back to your corporate job and earn some money for you and even more for “the man” because… that’s the feminist choice in your twisted worldview. Plus, not doing so would require actual sacrifice on your part and you’re not really prepared to do that.

If it's not a big decision, why don't men do it? Why it's only not a big deal when women have to change their surname?
Flash news: if you don't work a corporate job to stay home with your children, then your husband has to sacrifice his time with his children to provide for your lifestyle. The fact that you don't find this problematic says a lot about you. I personally know many couples who both have flexible jobs and raise their children as partners, not as provider and dependent.

It’s sad to see that feminism = judging other women for their decisions.

If you really care about fighting sexism, why don’t you start by changing your form of attack. Going after women for decisions you don’t like isn’t going to be successful.