husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I would divorce you so fast your head would spin. Heartless.

I would too. It is absolutely OP’s choice, but that doesn’t not mean her decision is free of consequences. Likely very damaging consequences. And your daughter will know, if not now then someday, why her dad left you.

THIS. I agree it's 100% her choice. But, I have to say, I would have never forgiven my mother if she had aborted my brother that was born 11 years after me. I know it was a possibility, because I found a heartfelt letter my dad wrote to her begging to keep HIS child. She has no regrets. My brother is amazing and will be the one with the money taking care of them in their senior years. I am a teacher, and while I think I am very successful, the salary would beg to differ.

I'm sure that's what she's told you kids.

Excuse me, I am only 15 years younger than my mother, so we are very close and she probably tells me too much. I know she doesn't regret having my brother and marrying his father. If anything, her regret would be me and getting pregnant at 15. But, in the south and with her mom and dad, it was kind of expected for her to have kids young. My mom has a disability and can't work and my dad (not bio, but he adopted me and he is more of father than the POS that is really my dad) does his best, but he never went to college, and both of us kids paid our own through college with merit aid, scholarships and loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every child should have at least one sibling. Being an only-child is lonely. The daughter will thank you later in life.

Stop.

The is not about siblings. OP already expressed her opinion on that subject. She has the absolute right to choose.

+1

Off topic, but then so is the first post above: There is zero guarantee that any sibling born to prevent a first child from being "lonely" is going to do that. There is no guarantee that siblings will get along or become lifelong closest friends and mutual supporters. Sure, it happens, it's great. But this assumption that siblings are always "there for each other" is naive.

This myth of "Only children are pitiful and lonely! Children without siblings are deprived of friendship/family/help with parents as parents age!" etc. keeps cropping up on thread after thread. You have siblings and it's great? Fine! So do I, and yes, it's great. Yet that is not a universal assurance that "every child should have at least one sibling." You and I can't dictate what's ideal for "every" child based on what we have experienced.

[Anonymous]

I bet you're regretting telling him now OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every child should have at least one sibling. Being an only-child is lonely. The daughter will thank you later in life.

Stop.

The is not about siblings. OP already expressed her opinion on that subject. She has the absolute right to choose.

+1

Off topic, but then so is the first post above: There is zero guarantee that any sibling born to prevent a first child from being "lonely" is going to do that. There is no guarantee that siblings will get along or become lifelong closest friends and mutual supporters. Sure, it happens, it's great. But this assumption that siblings are always "there for each other" is naive.

This myth of "Only children are pitiful and lonely! Children without siblings are deprived of friendship/family/help with parents as parents age!" etc. keeps cropping up on thread after thread. You have siblings and it's great? Fine! So do I, and yes, it's great. Yet that is not a universal assurance that "every child should have at least one sibling." You and I can't dictate what's ideal for "every" child based on what we have experienced.

+1

Four siblings we don’t get along. Will not support each other, we are very far apart in age. Three years for first two then ten for next one and 15 for last one.

My mother hated being a mother for the last one. She was so done. My youngest sister suffers from my mothers lack of feelings for her to this day as an adult and a mother her self.

There is magic formula. What works for some does not work for others. We are women should not judge another person’s decision on this. We do not walk in there shoes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every child should have at least one sibling. Being an only-child is lonely. The daughter will thank you later in life.

Stop.

The is not about siblings. OP already expressed her opinion on that subject. She has the absolute right to choose.

+1

Off topic, but then so is the first post above: There is zero guarantee that any sibling born to prevent a first child from being "lonely" is going to do that. There is no guarantee that siblings will get along or become lifelong closest friends and mutual supporters. Sure, it happens, it's great. But this assumption that siblings are always "there for each other" is naive.

This myth of "Only children are pitiful and lonely! Children without siblings are deprived of friendship/family/help with parents as parents age!" etc. keeps cropping up on thread after thread. You have siblings and it's great? Fine! So do I, and yes, it's great. Yet that is not a universal assurance that "every child should have at least one sibling." You and I can't dictate what's ideal for "every" child based on what we have experienced.

+1

Four siblings we don’t get along. Will not support each other, we are very far apart in age. Three years for first two then ten for next one and 15 for last one.

My mother hated being a mother for the last one. She was so done. My youngest sister suffers from my mothers lack of feelings for her to this day as an adult and a mother her self.

There is magic formula. What works for some does not work for others. We are women should not judge another person’s decision on this. We do not walk in there shoes!

I’m not close with three of my much younger siblings, but I don’t wish they had been aborted to save me the trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every child should have at least one sibling. Being an only-child is lonely. The daughter will thank you later in life.

Stop.

The is not about siblings. OP already expressed her opinion on that subject. She has the absolute right to choose.

+1

Off topic, but then so is the first post above: There is zero guarantee that any sibling born to prevent a first child from being "lonely" is going to do that. There is no guarantee that siblings will get along or become lifelong closest friends and mutual supporters. Sure, it happens, it's great. But this assumption that siblings are always "there for each other" is naive.

This myth of "Only children are pitiful and lonely! Children without siblings are deprived of friendship/family/help with parents as parents age!" etc. keeps cropping up on thread after thread. You have siblings and it's great? Fine! So do I, and yes, it's great. Yet that is not a universal assurance that "every child should have at least one sibling." You and I can't dictate what's ideal for "every" child based on what we have experienced.

+1

Four siblings we don’t get along. Will not support each other, we are very far apart in age. Three years for first two then ten for next one and 15 for last one.

My mother hated being a mother for the last one. She was so done. My youngest sister suffers from my mothers lack of feelings for her to this day as an adult and a mother her self.

There is magic formula. What works for some does not work for others. We are women should not judge another person’s decision on this. We do not walk in there shoes!

I’m not close with three of my much younger siblings, but I don’t wish they had been aborted to save me the trouble.

Good for you, but the law of the land currently says women have a choice. According to Justice Kavanaugh, " It's settled law". Unless he lied, I don't see this changing.

Stop judging others who make those choices. It's not your business what another woman decides to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I would divorce you so fast your head would spin. Heartless.

I would too. It is absolutely OP’s choice, but that doesn’t not mean her decision is free of consequences. Likely very damaging consequences. And your daughter will know, if not now then someday, why her dad left you.

THIS. I agree it's 100% her choice. But, I have to say, I would have never forgiven my mother if she had aborted my brother that was born 11 years after me. I know it was a possibility, because I found a heartfelt letter my dad wrote to her begging to keep HIS child. She has no regrets. My brother is amazing and will be the one with the money taking care of them in their senior years. I am a teacher, and while I think I am very successful, the salary would beg to differ.

Your father has every right to have feelings about it but you really don't. It's awfully presumptuous of you to claim any right to forgive or not forgive your mother. She doesn't owe you a sibling. It's an adult decision, children don't get to vote. Your brother is amazing but you bore no cost of his birth or his life so shut up with the stupid forgiveness talk. Grow up.

Bolded for truth. I was steaming about this post, and you said what I was thinking much better than I could have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to terminate because your DD won’t get as much of an inheritance if you have the baby? No wonder your husband is threatening divorce. You guys need to talk to a therapist. It seems odd to me that an inheritance, many decades from now, is the first reason you cite.

I’d rather have siblings than a big inheritance. My own kids are over a decade apart and my older one was thrilled to get a sibling despite understanding the financial impact.

Everyone I know who was one and done got surgically sterilized after the one. Either the H got the snip or the wife got her tubes tied. In a couple cases, they both did it.

OP is going to do what she wants. It just comes with a cost.

You can have mine. I'll take the inheritance. I would get vastly more satisfaction out of the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of people would give anything to adopt your baby.

Foster homes are full. Take your pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s your body.

And her husband's baby and her DD's sibling.

You think her 13 yo kid has a say in this woman’s bodily choices? Wow, next thing you know her kid will be voting in 2020 for her.

Neither the child nor the DH carries more weight than her own. Period.

The alternatives are not great here: have the baby and roll the dice you won't resent him/her and your DH (esp for being a controlling prick issuing ultimatums for something he won't have to endure for 40 weeks) or abortion and divorce. Frankly, I would not want to stay with anyone issuing threats to me in any event. So, I'd opt for the latter if i really was sure I didn't want to have another child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every child should have at least one sibling. Being an only-child is lonely. The daughter will thank you later in life.

Stop.

The is not about siblings. OP already expressed her opinion on that subject. She has the absolute right to choose.

+1

Off topic, but then so is the first post above: There is zero guarantee that any sibling born to prevent a first child from being "lonely" is going to do that. There is no guarantee that siblings will get along or become lifelong closest friends and mutual supporters. Sure, it happens, it's great. But this assumption that siblings are always "there for each other" is naive.

This myth of "Only children are pitiful and lonely! Children without siblings are deprived of friendship/family/help with parents as parents age!" etc. keeps cropping up on thread after thread. You have siblings and it's great? Fine! So do I, and yes, it's great. Yet that is not a universal assurance that "every child should have at least one sibling." You and I can't dictate what's ideal for "every" child based on what we have experienced.

+1

Four siblings we don’t get along. Will not support each other, we are very far apart in age. Three years for first two then ten for next one and 15 for last one.

My mother hated being a mother for the last one. She was so done. My youngest sister suffers from my mothers lack of feelings for her to this day as an adult and a mother her self.

There is magic formula. What works for some does not work for others. We are women should not judge another person’s decision on this. We do not walk in there shoes!

I’m not close with three of my much younger siblings, but I don’t wish they had been aborted to save me the trouble.

Good for you, but the law of the land currently says women have a choice. According to Justice Kavanaugh, " It's settled law". Unless he lied, I don't see this changing.

Stop judging others who make those choices. It's not your business what another woman decides to do.

And even if he lied, which is likely, it will still be legal in many states. Abortion is not going away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I would divorce you so fast your head would spin. Heartless.

I would too. It is absolutely OP’s choice, but that doesn’t not mean her decision is free of consequences. Likely very damaging consequences. And your daughter will know, if not now then someday, why her dad left you.

THIS. I agree it's 100% her choice. But, I have to say, I would have never forgiven my mother if she had aborted my brother that was born 11 years after me. I know it was a possibility, because I found a heartfelt letter my dad wrote to her begging to keep HIS child. She has no regrets. My brother is amazing and will be the one with the money taking care of them in their senior years. I am a teacher, and while I think I am very successful, the salary would beg to differ.

Your father has every right to have feelings about it but you really don't. It's awfully presumptuous of you to claim any right to forgive or not forgive your mother. She doesn't owe you a sibling. It's an adult decision, children don't get to vote. Your brother is amazing but you bore no cost of his birth or his life so shut up with the stupid forgiveness talk. Grow up.

Bolded for truth. I was steaming about this post, and you said what I was thinking much better than I could have.

I’m wholeheartedly agreeing with you ladies. Thanks for bolding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every child should have at least one sibling. Being an only-child is lonely. The daughter will thank you later in life.

Stop.

The is not about siblings. OP already expressed her opinion on that subject. She has the absolute right to choose.

+1

Off topic, but then so is the first post above: There is zero guarantee that any sibling born to prevent a first child from being "lonely" is going to do that. There is no guarantee that siblings will get along or become lifelong closest friends and mutual supporters. Sure, it happens, it's great. But this assumption that siblings are always "there for each other" is naive.

This myth of "Only children are pitiful and lonely! Children without siblings are deprived of friendship/family/help with parents as parents age!" etc. keeps cropping up on thread after thread. You have siblings and it's great? Fine! So do I, and yes, it's great. Yet that is not a universal assurance that "every child should have at least one sibling." You and I can't dictate what's ideal for "every" child based on what we have experienced.

+1

Four siblings we don’t get along. Will not support each other, we are very far apart in age. Three years for first two then ten for next one and 15 for last one.

My mother hated being a mother for the last one. She was so done. My youngest sister suffers from my mothers lack of feelings for her to this day as an adult and a mother her self.

There is magic formula. What works for some does not work for others. We are women should not judge another person’s decision on this. We do not walk in there shoes!

NP here, yes different for everyone. I'm an only, it does suck.

[Anonymous]

I can’t understand for the life of me how a woman who already has birthed a child could abort the next one. I could not.

Legally it may be her choice, but it’s his baby too. She has the legal right to the procedure, and he has the legal right to divorce someone who kills his baby.

[Anonymous]

And yes, when that 11 yo DD finds out, she’ll be impacted. Maybe for the better and she’ll cherish life and not weigh a human life against her own convenience