Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

I can't wait to stop by the Bangladesh embassy if they participate in this year's Around the World Embassy Tour! I would love to visit the country itself.... but not with my young kids because then it would be more work than adventure. Thanks for sharing all these interesting details!

[Anonymous]

I appreciate this thread. I can't afford to travel. I enjoy hearing about what it's like there. It gives me more empathy overall. I'm sure it's difficult to cope with, it's totally different! Good for you, OP, for adapting and having your children experience this. Thank you for sharing

[Anonymous]

OP, take notes and write a book about your experiences . You are funny and have a good eye for detail. You can dedicate it to DCUM posters who supported you in your mosquito net.

[Anonymous]

Also decorate your room there, with random things around the house as DH wouldn't let you find another reason to shop.

Get pencil and paper to sketch things, people and house. Let kids draw as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you had me curious about the places you mentioned so I checked youtube.

Aarong looks like any retail store you would find in India. It looks similar to one in my village. Serene Gardens looks okay. Not the best, but for that place I bet it is.

If anyone else was curious, here it is:

Aarong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA7rXXJ45fc

Serene Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7eOBoIruW0

Op here but it was only recently built here and there aren't any other shops that look this modern. There aren't any other restaurants like Serene Garden around. Those are considered fancy places and they only go there occasionally. My MIl has probably only been one time. I would love to go there again to have coffee but they just aren't interested in going. I'm going to post pictures of those house. It's surrounded by concrete walls. It feels sort of like a prison compared to US living.

https://ibb.co/KsKHjtJ
https://ibb.co/NtxW994
https://ibb.co/j8XjFWh
https://ibb.co/jw4g775

Op here. The green house is around 6-7 years old. The other one is DHs family house... Where he grew up and stayed before coming to the US. For US standards it seems very bad but the poor people here live in Bamboo houses. Dh clarified today that they do indeed only pay the cleaning who does the dishes and cleans the floor $7 a month. There aren't any servants making anyone tea. No one has drank any tea while I am here. I will post a picture of where the dishes are done and a picture of my MILs room. We sleep with a mosquito net. I will also show a picture of the door and how it's very different from US standards. It lets air in even when closed. I can't be certain but I feel like Bangladesh is an ancient version on India.. Maybe India like 20 years ago?

This looks like a poor Indian village, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, take notes and write a book about your experiences . You are funny and have a good eye for detail. You can dedicate it to DCUM posters who supported you in your mosquito net.

Pp Jewish from Boston here... I'd follow your blog! You're a good writer.

[Anonymous]

Seriously - OP it sounds like you have a few weeks left there. Start a blog. DCUM's patience with this has worn thin as they just compare it to India or say they'd never go or divorce DH or whatever - but there are enough here that are curious that we'd read and it'd get picked up via social media etc.

[Anonymous]

This is an amazing thread! OP, after looking at the photos, I feel your pain. PPs telling you to get out and look at flowers or whatever are being ridiculous. You are in a poor, unattractive area - not really anything redeeming about the situation (other than QT with your inlaws). I have been in poor, developing areas of countries before . . . I think people who have not spent time in such regions don't realize the prevalent trash, pollution, bad food, etc. are just the way people live there. Cannot turn a sow's ear into a silk purse .. . . hang in there until you can get home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I'm enjoying this thread, as a Jewish mom in Boston. It feels very genuine and I'm learning a lot about life in rural Bangladesh. I especially enjoyed the pictures. I cannot imagine cooking in that kitchen. Thanks op for the entertainment. I hope your trip goes smoothly and you don't get sick and you enjoy more of it as time goes on. A fascinating experience.

+1

So many people here are being willfully obtuse acting like they wouldn't have a single negative feeling in the same situation. As though they've never heard of the extremely common and normal phenomenon called culture shock. Op is making the best of it and it makes an interesting story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously - OP it sounds like you have a few weeks left there. Start a blog. DCUM's patience with this has worn thin as they just compare it to India or say they'd never go or divorce DH or whatever - but there are enough here that are curious that we'd read and it'd get picked up via social media etc.

OP here. Before the last trip I watched you tube videos and read blogs. Before the trip I think I read some basic details but I think I didn't pick up on the hot water issue because most people traveling here stay in nice hotels with hot water access. There was one blog in particular that had a big impact on me. The writer spent and year or two living in Bangladesh and when she was leaving she said she still felt overwhelmed and sad.

https://www.traveltomtom.net/destinations/asia/bangladesh/my-trip-to-bangladesh


OP here. Before the last trip, I watched YouTube videos and read blogs. Before the trip, I read some basic details on websites to get general information, maybe the Loney plant and the US embassy website. However, I didn't pick up on the hot water issue because most people here stay in nice hotels with hot water access. There was one blog in particular that had a big impact on me. The writer spent a year or two living in Bangladesh, and when she was leaving, she said she still felt overwhelmed and sad.

I started reading this blog today. The guy has traveled a lot more and was still having a hard time initially. Also, note that I can't wear my typical American clothes because DH says his family would judge me harshly. You have to cover your butt here. Right now, I am wearing a three-piece dress. It's also super important to cover your chest. Remember, all the cultural norms get tricky, especially since I have two young kids to care for.

Here is the blog:

https://www.traveltomtom.net/destinations/asia/bangladesh/my-trip-to-bangladesh

I have a lot of reading for work to do here, and I can't do it well because YouTube cartoons are always on full blast, and people are constantly visiting us. DH needs complete silence when he's working, so I find it very hypocritical and unsupportive that he's telling me not to pull out my laptop. He knew I had to do some work here. I can't do my usual work because it's done in person, but I am taking a college course now for work, and I have an exam to take as soon as we return. I am hundreds of pages behind, and I can only go to a library or Starbucks or whatever to study here if those amenities are available. I also don't have as much PTO as him, so I am taking leave without pay for two weeks. DH gets more PTO off and saves it for trips like this. I can't work from home, so PTO is more important because that's how I go to the doctor, see my family when they visit etc, etc. DH works from home 3 days, so he doesn't take as much PTO for doctor appointments, etc. He can slip away for an hour or two.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Before the last trip, I watched YouTube videos and read blogs. Before the FIRST trip, I read some basic details on websites to get general information, maybe the Loney plant and the US embassy website. However, I didn't pick up on the hot water issue because most people TOURISTS stay in nice hotels with hot water access. I think but can't be sure their shower experience may be like the US. There was one blog in particular that had a big impact on me. The writer spent a year or two living in Bangladesh, and when she was leaving, she said she still felt overwhelmed and sad.

I started reading this blog today. The guy has traveled a lot more and was still having a hard time initially. Also, note that I can't wear my typical American clothes because DH says his family would judge me harshly. You have to cover your butt here. Right now, I am wearing a three-piece dress. It's also super important to cover your chest. Remember, all the cultural norms get tricky, especially since I have two young kids to care for.

Here is the blog:

https://www.traveltomtom.net/destinations/asia/bangladesh/my-trip-to-bangladesh

I have a lot of reading for work to do here, and I can't do it well because YouTube cartoons are always on full blast, and people are constantly visiting us. DH needs complete silence when he's working, so I find it very hypocritical and unsupportive that he's telling me not to pull out my laptop. He knew I had to do some work here. I can't do my usual work because it's done in person, but I am taking a college course now for work, and I have an exam to take as soon as we return. I am hundreds of pages behind, and I can only go to a library or Starbucks or whatever to study here if those amenities are available. I also don't have as much PTO as him, so I am taking leave without pay for two weeks. DH gets more PTO off and saves it for trips like this. I can't work from home, so PTO is more important because that's how I go to the doctor, see my family when they visit etc, etc. DH works from home 3 days, so he doesn't take as much PTO for doctor appointments, etc. He can slip away for an hour or two.

op here. fixed the bold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


OP here. Before the last trip, I watched YouTube videos and read blogs. Before the FIRST trip, I read some basic details on websites to get general information, maybe the Loney plant and the US embassy website. However, I didn't pick up on the hot water issue because most people TOURISTS stay in nice hotels with hot water access. I think but can't be sure their shower experience may be like the US. There was one blog in particular that had a big impact on me. The writer spent a year or two living in Bangladesh, and when she was leaving, she said she still felt overwhelmed and sad.

I started reading this blog today. The guy has traveled a lot more and was still having a hard time initially. Also, note that I can't wear my typical American clothes because DH says his family would judge me harshly. You have to cover your butt here. Right now, I am wearing a three-piece dress. It's also super important to cover your chest. Remember, all the cultural norms get tricky, especially since I have two young kids to care for.

Here is the blog:

https://www.traveltomtom.net/destinations/asia/bangladesh/my-trip-to-bangladesh

I have a lot of reading for work to do here, and I can't do it well because YouTube cartoons are always on full blast, and people are constantly visiting us. DH needs complete silence when he's working, so I find it very hypocritical and unsupportive that he's telling me not to pull out my laptop. He knew I had to do some work here. I can't do my usual work because it's done in person, but I am taking a college course now for work, and I have an exam to take as soon as we return. I am hundreds of pages behind, and I CAN'T go to a library or Starbucks or whatever to study here as those amenities AREN'T available. I also don't have as much PTO as him, so I am taking leave without pay for two weeks. DH gets more PTO off and saves it for trips like this. I can't work from home, so PTO is more important because that's how I go to the doctor, see my family when they visit etc, etc. DH works from home 3 days, so he doesn't take as much PTO for doctor appointments, etc. He can slip away for an hour or two.

op here. fixed the bold.

second fix. this is OP. Now back to reading while bluey is on in the background. I need to get ear plugs ASAP. Now that I mentioned that, I have noticed no one seems to have ear buds in here.

[Anonymous]

OMG. Sorry OP. This is really shocking. You were not kidding.

[Anonymous]

OP: I hope you get to a morning fish market at some point. There should be one nearby.

[Anonymous]

Op, sorry to read your latest update. I really don't think you should tolerate this again. It sounds awful. Is there a long term impact to your job,?