Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Op ,
The house is in the lowest middle class. The kitchen and outdoors of this house clearly depicts that. It would be hard to live in a house / atmosphere like this for a month after living here all your life.
Having said that, your husband should have been preparing you / telling you about this kind of scenario before you went there.

However , having been brought up here and gone to college here, I can’t understand how clueless and helpless you seem to be.
If you and your husband had a love marriage , there should be a lot more communication also here.

You should also be able to eat a lot of the home cooked foods.


Lastly, Dhaka is not all sand and rocks.
A good percentage of people have lots of money there and they live in the richer suburbs with very modern restaurants from many different cuisines, ultra modern salons, modern hospitals, cafes that are highly Instagram worthy and so on.
So please dont paint a horrible picture pf Dhaka by going to a small town far out of Dhaka.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you had me curious about the places you mentioned so I checked youtube.

Aarong looks like any retail store you would find in India. It looks similar to one in my village. Serene Gardens looks okay. Not the best, but for that place I bet it is.

If anyone else was curious, here it is:

Aarong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA7rXXJ45fc

Serene Garden:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7eOBoIruW0

Op here but it was only recently built here and there aren't any other shops that look this modern. There aren't any other restaurants like Serene Garden around. Those are considered fancy places and they only go there occasionally. My MIl has probably only been one time. I would love to go there again to have coffee but they just aren't interested in going. I'm going to post pictures of those house. It's surrounded by concrete walls. It feels sort of like a prison compared to US living.

https://ibb.co/KsKHjtJ
https://ibb.co/NtxW994
https://ibb.co/j8XjFWh
https://ibb.co/jw4g775

Op here. The green house is around 6-7 years old. The other one is DHs family house... Where he grew up and stayed before coming to the US. For US standards it seems very bad but the poor people here live in Bamboo houses. Dh clarified today that they do indeed only pay the cleaning who does the dishes and cleans the floor $7 a month. There aren't any servants making anyone tea. No one has drank any tea while I am here. I will post a picture of where the dishes are done and a picture of my MILs room. We sleep with a mosquito net. I will also show a picture of the door and how it's very different from US standards. It lets air in even when closed. I can't be certain but I feel like Bangladesh is an ancient version on India.. Maybe India like 20 years ago?

This looks like a poor Indian village, sorry.

I'd have been out of there after the first 4 hours. I would have stayed long enough to appear as though I at least tried, but my asthma just couldn't take it; fake wheezing and coughing to make it look good. hell, I might have even faked a seizure due to some unknown something in the house just to get out of there, and then the kids and I would been chilling at the closest tourist/business hotel.

I haven't read the entire thread. Does this place have an indoor toilet? I bet it smells like excrement everywhere, with piles of excrement, trash, and urine puddles just outside the gates. That place is just dirty!

That isn't acceptable, and I would divorce my DH immediately if he tried to suggest I slum it like that, doubly so if he has a decent job, he should have built his parents a nice home. Even if they didn't want to leave the neighborhood, tear that mess down and build them a decent home. You aren't a 20-year-old in the Peace Corps or slumming it for the exciting stories you can tell about how cool and bohemian you were in your 20s

You are a better woman than I could ever be. I hope you got all of your shots and get yourself de-wormed as soon as you get home.

[Anonymous]

Many 3rd world countries/cities get UN grants for high speed internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

seriously- seems super weird and selfish of your dh to build a superfluous mosque to show off to the neighborhood and leave his parents -who you say are the kindest most unassuming ppl who would be mortified at how miserable you are- to live like 1970's servants quarters. its shameful, he should provide his family with a nicer home with more amenities and some money to travel to the more posh areas if they dont want move out of teh neighborhood. You should yell at him about that- isn't he ashamed of how much better his quality of life is? And Dhaka doesnt need more masjids.

[Anonymous]

OP, Agree with the others you should have a blog.

Enjoy the rest of your trip.

I'm happy that the family and SIL are very nice to you.

[Anonymous]

Wow what a raging bish. Next time stay at a resort. Guess what I have to go to country bumpkinville to see my in-laws. We all have something annoying. Make the best of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just saw the pictures. This is very different from India . India has a very different vibe with a much larger middle and upper middle class . While their grand parents may have stayed in houses like this the current middle class is very comfortably off with all amenities like cars , air conditioning and washing machines . I wish you could get out and make a short trip to Calcutta which is just across the border and a short 45 minute ride away . Your kids would love it and it’s really cheap compared to other cities in India .

All you posters touting India as some kind of utopia are forgetting that Bangladesh used to be part of India.

India is technically poorer per capita than Bangladesh

But being Islamic and poor makes Bangladesh express poverty worse if that makes sense

[Anonymous]

To be fair to op, she’s actually doing more and getting out into “real Bangladesh” more than any foreign service officer posted in Dhaka would

Impressive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair to op, she’s actually doing more and getting out into “real Bangladesh” more than any foreign service officer posted in Dhaka would

Impressive

Op here. Thank you. I am getting frustrated with myself for even having these thoughts. Dh even said I could suggest ideas to his mom but I refused. I don't want to make her feel like I am trying to change their situation because that would come off as judging them. Dh needs to do that. He says they are used to this lifestyle and they are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is your DH's family of origin's SES issue. It is not a Bangladesh issue.

This is basically an extremely rural and lower MC home in Bangladesh.

I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually, the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

Op here. The house was newly built about 6 or so years ago so during my first trip it appeared a lot nicer. They haven't been keeping up if you compare it to US standards. The walls are stained. There is a lot of dust. There are also a lot of random steel small sheds on the property. Their land is scattered so it's hard to know how much they have. The entire block is all his family. There are probably at minimum 10 houses on this block that are all his family. Dh's dad died when he was in high school so I'm sure that had an impact. His mom doesn't work outside the house. I spoke to him today about improving things by getting a space heater and washer. He said his mom doesn't want a washer. I don't know where they would put it honestly. There is a huge concrete wall around the property. I was trying to get out yesterday to take a picture but there is. a padlock.

So essentially you are imprisoned there .


What do the Bangladesh women do to socialize

Op here. Here is what google define the city as.

Faridpur is a major city located in the Faridpur District, Dhaka Division, Bangladesh. It is a major commercial hub in Southern Bangladesh. It is the largest municipality in Dhaka Division in city proper. It has an area of 66.24 km2 and a population of 557,632.

Bengali women socialize with family. I don't think it's typical after marriage to go to restaurants with friends. My SIL specializes with other mom's in the school yard I believe. I remember during our last trip we dropped DH's niece off at a very expensive international school in Dhaka and all of the moms were sitting around outside the gates socializing. Dh said some stay there the whole day doing that!!! I feel my SIL of DH's brother loves our visits because she can socialize with me. When other people on here were saying they probably hate me it caught me off guard because they seem so friendly and happy to see me. Last time I bought a ton of new underwear and gave it to them because Dh said women didn't wear underwear in his culture. It got me thinking how do they dry it without a dryer? They can't do it in the open yard. On this trip I brought them lots of underwear and bras too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am actually very surprised that your DH has not constructed a nice house for his family in his home town. Usually the family member who is abroad will send money to update the family home and make it more comfortable for the family that has been left behind.

This.
I come from a state in India where a lot of people migrate to the Middle East to work in low-level jobs like maids, drivers, construction and so on. They all send money back to their families and there are entire small villages full of neat homes with all modern amenities. The families of those who migrate to the West do even better.