Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

Is she NT? Has she had dangerous experiences?
Can she go to school, visit friends, go places with other teens?

Yes, she's neurotypical and has not had any dangerous experiences. She goes to school but is on guard and is afraid of her classmates. She's fine going places with other teens and visiting friends as long as she's not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her go to a friend’s house. It would be very strange for you to skip a local wedding because you didn’t have childcare for your teenager.

At age 14 I had three families that Idid babysitting for.

my parents would leave us at home at age 14 if they had a social function.

Do you and your husband not have a date night once a week?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s kind of a long time, especially being alone. I don’t think it’s a safety risk but I don’t think I would have enjoyed being alone the whole time into the night. Like others said, can she go to a friend’s house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Phobias are certainly common to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go to a wedding if my kid wasn't invited. I think it's rude for them to not invite your child.

Maybe they’ve never met the kid . Maybe it’s a small wedding. You’d be a jerk to stand on ceremony this way.

How am I the jerk if I politely decline? I wouldn't ask for an invitation. A wedding isn't a summons!

You'd be the jerk to decline because your special sunshine wasn't invited. Your kids are only special to YOU, not to the whole world. Your kids should learn the world doesn't revolve around them, and their parents have their own friends and interests and social gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Phobias are certainly common to have.

A 16 yr old should be driving and having a part time job and basically, using home as a place to sleep, shower, eat and store their stuff. They shouldn't be incapable of being home alone, or afraid of their classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

I would tell her she has a choice- either go to therapy, or you'll hire one of those people who dress like clowns and follow/ kidnap people for a day. She won't know when it will happen. Therapy is much better than that.

Also, 16 is a child. A child doesn't get to refuse. You are coddling her. Hire the clown.

How can she not refuse at 16? I'm guessing you don't have much experience with teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. It’s one day that’s not about her. Tell her to clean her room, watch Netflix and FaceTime lonely relatives. She can put other people first by age 14.

This. Unless she has special needs, she can be home alone. Heck, I used to babysit babies and toddlers when I was 12 and 13 when parents went to weddings.

[Anonymous]

I remember when my mom went to Vegas for the weekend when I was 15 or 16. I loved feeling like a grownup and cooking whatever I wanted. One night I ate cereal for dinner. Those were good times. I only wish my mother had left the car keys. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Have your husband go. If you are close with them, just go for a few hours in separate cars. Its crummy not to invite a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Phobias are certainly common to have.

A 16 yr old should be driving and having a part time job and basically, using home as a place to sleep, shower, eat and store their stuff. They shouldn't be incapable of being home alone, or afraid of their classmates.

You can do all that and still have Phobias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

I am a mom of a now young adult with mental health issues and I say this from a place of kindness and compassion. You really need to help her move past this. You aren’t going to be around forever and able to shield her. Given that level of anxiety I’d probably be looking at medication.

[Anonymous]

Go to the wedding in separate cars. Attend the ceremony and make an appearance at the reception. DH stays since he is closer to the couple, while you head home early in the evening. Your daughter should be fine for 3-4 hours on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have my child stay home and I would call and text throughout the time I was gone. I do think you're overthinking this. She needs to learn to be independent. I would make sure she has stuff to do. Like if she was into any sort of craft, I'd buy it. Or I'd buy a new book for her.

For a 14 year old? You’d call and text multiple times?! Why? And you’d buy her crap? Let kids mature! At 14 mine has a part time job and babysits.

I text with my kids multiple times every day - initiated by all, not driven by parents. It would be totally natural for us to text about things like who’s there and what they are wearing and what food is being served and what the song is for the first dance.

And I wouldn’t buy crap. If I’m going out to do something fun, I’d want my kid also to have a good day. Not like at that age they can drive to Michael’s or CVS if they run out of supplies for a project - we’re not much of a screen family and prefer projects. And what I said I’d buy was their hobby materials or a book, not crap.

At 14, for a long period of aloneness, I’d certainly want to make sure they had thought about how to spend their day and help them plan, including food. They’re kids and new at figuring out stuff like this.

What I wouldn’t do is skip any part of the event or ask someone else to invite my kid over or anyone to stop in and check on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your husband go. If you are close with them, just go for a few hours in separate cars. Its crummy not to invite a teen.

Maybe the couple getting married doesn’t know this teen. Maybe their venue limits guests. Maybe it is for adults only. There are many reasons not to invite the daughter. It’s so strange that people think this is the solution.