My husband died from alcoholism

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss op. This happened to my step grandfather when he was 50 years old.

[Anonymous]

OP, thank you for reaching out to all who are here to read. I am sorry for your family's loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's very rare, OP. Most alcoholics develop serious symptoms before they die, and their families' lives are conflict-ridden and stressful for years. In some ways, you're lucky this ended the way it did, with minimal involvement on your part and no witnessing of abuse and strife by your children. You couldn't have saved him anyway.

Yes I have a severe alcoholic in my family. He chokes on his vomit, goes in and out of the ER. It’s awful.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible disease.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

But just know, it doesn't matter if you had known. Unless an alcoholic wants help and acknowledges that they have a problem, anything you do is useless. they have to want it. They have to want the help.

Watching someone kill themselves with alcohol is painful. I have an alcoholic sibling who doesn't acknowledge that they have a problem despite multiple DUIs, stints in jail, court ordered rehabs, etc.

I hope you find peace and do not beat yourself up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

how did you function every day when hungover?

My alcoholic sibling doesn't get hungover. Their body is so used to the alcohol that they get sick if they don't drink. They can't function without drinking. The times when they've been arrested and sent to jail, they get sent to the hospital for alcohol withdrawal, which can be deadly.

[Anonymous]

I want to post on here about naltrexone. I had tried to quit for years, but the cravings were really hard to deal with. Taking Naltrexone really took the edge off of all cravings. It really made it easy to quit. Even after I stopped taking it daily, I can still take one if I'm feeling a bad craving. I feel like no one told me there were drugs that could help and doctors also had no clue about it, so I want to make sure others know that there are tools to help.

Also, regarding hangovers- I never get hungover. I really never have. I rarely drink wine though because I didn't like the headaches, but I had no issues with liquor.

[Anonymous]

Op: nobody has mentioned widowhood without alcoholism. I was widowed and I think, regardless of the alcohol alcoholism quotient you need to think about that part. If you go to counseling right now you’re dealing with the immediate after effects of this situation. Please don’t be surprised if you need to revisit going to therapy after a break that’s a year from now or 18 months or two years. I want to also thank you for starting this thread. I’ve been trying to quit since 2019 and I can’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's very rare, OP. Most alcoholics develop serious symptoms before they die, and their families' lives are conflict-ridden and stressful for years. In some ways, you're lucky this ended the way it did, with minimal involvement on your part and no witnessing of abuse and strife by your children. You couldn't have saved him anyway.

+1 I’m so sorry, op, for you and your kids.

My neighbor’s journey through end stage alcoholism with her then ex husband was what pp writes above. Long, drawn out, in and out of hospitals, dialysis, etc. although they were divorced, her kids were still his kids and she took on a significant load for caring for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to post on here about naltrexone. I had tried to quit for years, but the cravings were really hard to deal with. Taking Naltrexone really took the edge off of all cravings. It really made it easy to quit. Even after I stopped taking it daily, I can still take one if I'm feeling a bad craving. I feel like no one told me there were drugs that could help and doctors also had no clue about it, so I want to make sure others know that there are tools to help.

Also, regarding hangovers- I never get hungover. I really never have. I rarely drink wine though because I didn't like the headaches, but I had no issues with liquor.

Naltrexone did nothing for me. It didn't slow me down at all. I had hoped it would be the magic pill that would work. I'm glad to hear it worked for you. The only thing that ultimately worked for me was AA.

[Anonymous]

Everyone (and of course OP) posting personal stories- thank you. You don’t have to and it matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

My H was like this. I had zero idea he was an alcoholic - he functioned and behaved the EXACT same but was drinking a ton. I still have no clue where he hid all the bottles or where he drank them. I only know because he wanted to get sober after we had DC and confessed to me.

[Anonymous]

Odd question- when you’re drinking that much don’t you just sort of reek of alcohol? How is it even possible to hide it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted to share my story in case it helps someone else. My husband passed away four months ago at 48 years old. He had struggled with alcohol in the past, but I truly thought he had it under control. What we initially thought was a stomach bug escalated so quickly—within days, he was in full liver and kidney failure. Weeks later, I found several vodka bottles hidden in his boots, closet, and car. It turns out he had been secretly drinking a ridiculous amount of liquor. He was still working full-time and doing all the things he always did. It seems like his body was hanging on by a thread, but eventually, it just couldn’t take it anymore.

He leaves behind two children who will now grow up without a father. From the outside, everything seemed perfect—he had a great job, a nice home, and so many friends and colleagues who cared about him. No one suspected how bad things really were, including me.

I’m feeling so many emotions—grief, anger, guilt, disbelief. I had considered leaving him in the past, but like I said, it seemed like things were getting better. Through talking to addiction counselors, I learned that it was more likely end-stage alcoholism. His body had become so dependent on alcohol that he didn’t even get drunk.

If you suspect a loved one is drinking in secret, please don’t ignore those instincts. I just wish I had known. I had no experience with alcoholism or addiction.

Thank you for posting. My heart breaks for you. A close friend's dad died from this kind of alcoholism around the same age as your husband, same thing - very successful in his field and left behind two adolescent children and a ton of empty vodka bottles stashed all over the house.

I'm sober now. My drinking was blatant and I didn't try to hide it but I've heard many, many stories from people in AA who hid their drinking pretty successfully until they couldn't. In the end I knew my drinking was going to kill me and I was somehow able to stop. I think it's a crap shoot, just like with smoking. This kind of alcohol abuse kills some but not all.

I don't know a lot about AlAnon but I wonder if it could be helpful to you. Friends tell me that like AA not all AlAnon groups are the same. You are also welcome to attend any open AA meeting (meeting guides will tell you whether they are open or closed - closed meetings are only for people who identify as alcoholics). Thank you for your post. Please don't blame yourself. There is literally not a thing anyone can do to help an alcoholic if they are not ready/able to get help. It's an awful disease and I'm sorry it took your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Odd question- when you’re drinking that much don’t you just sort of reek of alcohol? How is it even possible to hide it?

Some people do and some people don't.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry for your loss OP, and for your children.