My husband died from alcoholism

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife dies from drinking at the age of 52, Just like her father before her. Fortunately I divorced her 7 years before then and the kids all knew she would likely drink herself to death. There isn't anything you can do to force an alcoholic to stop. They love their alcohol more than life itself. More than their spouse, children, family, friends or way of life. They only quit when they want to. Oh you can force them into counseling or AA but it means nothing to them unless they are ready. For some, that never happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

NP. Just be glad you’ve never seen this kind of acute alcoholism up close. Something very similar happened with my friend’s boyfriend. He’s still alive but somehow plunges so suddenly into extreme addiction that he has to be medically detoxed. This repeated several times after years of apparent sobriety. And yes the amount he was drinking was immense, not a bottle of wine. (a bottle of wine is a lot tho.)

[Anonymous]

My BIL passed away similarly four years ago although it wasn’t quite as fast. Like you, we had no idea how bad it was as he held down a job and appeared pretty normal.
I’m sorry for your loss, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

I truly hope that this PP gets a wake-up call and finds out that a bottle of wine a day is, indeed, extremely damaging physically, and will eventually have a mental, emotional, and social toll. No one should drink a bottle of wine a day.

PP, your focus on "defined quantities" misses the point entirely. You seem unaware that saying it "isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you" sets a very, very low bar. It may not kill you--yet--but it'll destroy your life from the inside out.

The statement about how many drinks "a healthy man" would need to kill him is both insensitive and uninformed. You cannot generalize like that. Every body is different. But for any body, being a bottle-a-day wine drinker, is alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

NP. Just be glad you’ve never seen this kind of acute alcoholism up close. Something very similar happened with my friend’s boyfriend. He’s still alive but somehow plunges so suddenly into extreme addiction that he has to be medically detoxed. This repeated several times after years of apparent sobriety. And yes the amount he was drinking was immense, not a bottle of wine. (a bottle of wine is a lot tho.)

I did see it and live it up close. My father was a daily beer drinker. From the moment he got off work until the time he went to bed, there was a beer in his hand. He'd buy 15-20 cases at a time and dtack them in the garage next to the beer fridge.

He managed a very successfull business, went to law school at 40, practiced law, made a lot of money, coached a bunch of mew and my brothers baseball teams, never abused me our our mom, never wrecked a car or got a DUI, etc. But he was most certainly an alcoholic who drank 10ish beers a day, everyday, for decades. He died of Alzheimers at 84.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. Thank you for sharing your story. It is helpful to me, and reminds me I have so much to lose.

I am a recovering alcoholic, and as a woman was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a day for years. I could easily be your husband and it reminds me to continue to prioritize my sobriety. Any amount of drinking is not safe for me, because it’s never just one. One turns into two turns into five and more, despite my intentions.

I am sorry your DH did not get out of alcohol’s clutches, and I will not drink with you today. Hugs and do seek out support groups. Your kids might also need them…there are some for ACOAs (adult children of alcoholics) even if they are grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted to share my story in case it helps someone else. My husband passed away four months ago at 48 years old. He had struggled with alcohol in the past, but I truly thought he had it under control. What we initially thought was a stomach bug escalated so quickly—within days, he was in full liver and kidney failure. Weeks later, I found several vodka bottles hidden in his boots, closet, and car. It turns out he had been secretly drinking a ridiculous amount of liquor. He was still working full-time and doing all the things he always did. It seems like his body was hanging on by a thread, but eventually, it just couldn’t take it anymore.

He leaves behind two children who will now grow up without a father. From the outside, everything seemed perfect—he had a great job, a nice home, and so many friends and colleagues who cared about him. No one suspected how bad things really were, including me.

I’m feeling so many emotions—grief, anger, guilt, disbelief. I had considered leaving him in the past, but like I said, it seemed like things were getting better. Through talking to addiction counselors, I learned that it was more likely end-stage alcoholism. His body had become so dependent on alcohol that he didn’t even get drunk.

If you suspect a loved one is drinking in secret, please don’t ignore those instincts. I just wish I had known. I had no experience with alcoholism or addiction.

Personal responsibility counts but so does societal preference. From liquor, sports, hospitality, pharma, retail, travel to entertainment industry, everyone promotes and benefits from it. Alcoholics in making and in denial are big advocates for drinking and very defensive of any criticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

I truly hope that this PP gets a wake-up call and finds out that a bottle of wine a day is, indeed, extremely damaging physically, and will eventually have a mental, emotional, and social toll. No one should drink a bottle of wine a day.

PP, your focus on "defined quantities" misses the point entirely. You seem unaware that saying it "isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you" sets a very, very low bar. It may not kill you--yet--but it'll destroy your life from the inside out.

The statement about how many drinks "a healthy man" would need to kill him is both insensitive and uninformed. You cannot generalize like that. Every body is different. But for any body, being a bottle-a-day wine drinker, is alcoholism.

Good God. So American. A bottle of wine or 4 beers a day is literally commonplace in Europe.

Alcoholism is commonplace in Europe as well. The life expectancy in many countries is artificially low because of alcoholism in many parts of Eastern Europe. In Russia it’s even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your loss, op, and it’s very kind of you to post this psa.

100%. Taking time to put light on this issue shows your empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

I truly hope that this PP gets a wake-up call and finds out that a bottle of wine a day is, indeed, extremely damaging physically, and will eventually have a mental, emotional, and social toll. No one should drink a bottle of wine a day.

PP, your focus on "defined quantities" misses the point entirely. You seem unaware that saying it "isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you" sets a very, very low bar. It may not kill you--yet--but it'll destroy your life from the inside out.

The statement about how many drinks "a healthy man" would need to kill him is both insensitive and uninformed. You cannot generalize like that. Every body is different. But for any body, being a bottle-a-day wine drinker, is alcoholism.

Once I quit drinking 2 bottles of wine per day, my hypertension resolved itself, I lost 40 lbs., my resting heart rate went down forty beats/minute, and I was able to do cardio for the first time in years. I wasn’t going to die imminently as my liver and kidneys were still operating perfectly on tests, but they are the last to go and likely had unseen damage. Luckily the liver can repair itself and mine should be fine long-term now I am sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

I truly hope that this PP gets a wake-up call and finds out that a bottle of wine a day is, indeed, extremely damaging physically, and will eventually have a mental, emotional, and social toll. No one should drink a bottle of wine a day.

PP, your focus on "defined quantities" misses the point entirely. You seem unaware that saying it "isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you" sets a very, very low bar. It may not kill you--yet--but it'll destroy your life from the inside out.

The statement about how many drinks "a healthy man" would need to kill him is both insensitive and uninformed. You cannot generalize like that. Every body is different. But for any body, being a bottle-a-day wine drinker, is alcoholism.

Good God. So American. A bottle of wine or 4 beers a day is literally commonplace in Europe.

Maybe not the right thread for the smugness about how much the sophisticates drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

Reporting this post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean to be cold, but really there’s nothing you could’ve done.

And seriously if nobody noticed, how is this any different than he died of cancer?

Reporting this post

[Anonymous]

So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

NP. Just be glad you’ve never seen this kind of acute alcoholism up close. Something very similar happened with my friend’s boyfriend. He’s still alive but somehow plunges so suddenly into extreme addiction that he has to be medically detoxed. This repeated several times after years of apparent sobriety. And yes the amount he was drinking was immense, not a bottle of wine. (a bottle of wine is a lot tho.)

I did see it and live it up close. My father was a daily beer drinker. From the moment he got off work until the time he went to bed, there was a beer in his hand. He'd buy 15-20 cases at a time and dtack them in the garage next to the beer fridge.

He managed a very successfull business, went to law school at 40, practiced law, made a lot of money, coached a bunch of mew and my brothers baseball teams, never abused me our our mom, never wrecked a car or got a DUI, etc. But he was most certainly an alcoholic who drank 10ish beers a day, everyday, for decades. He died of Alzheimers at 84.

10 beers over a day for a normal sized man is far from what OP is describing. We’re talking about a big bottle of vodka a day.