My husband died from alcoholism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP. Part of my job is working with people struggling with addiction and I think people don't realize how many don't fit the stereotype of what an addict looks like. So many people are able to fly under the radar. I still remember the first time I was having a full on normal conversation with a man whose BAC level was high enough where most people would be dead. His body was so used to it, he barely even seemed tipsy.

I know you're talking to addiction counselors, but I hope you're seeing someone to process your own thoughts too. It's so easy to look back and think of the things you wish you could have done differently and that can lead you down a dark spiral.

Quoting the post above because I hope you'll re-read it, OP, and follow its advice. Please, if your'e not already, get into therapy or grief counseling, if possible with a professional who has some experience in grief after deaths caused by addictions. One reason to start therapy now is so that you don't, as the PP notes, go into a spiral later. Sometimes it takes many months or even years for things to really hit hard, and if you start getting support now, you may be better prepared down the road. Don't hesitate. If you can't afford therapy, there are also self-help groups for people who are grieving. I'm so sorry for your loss.

+2

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Take especially good care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. Thank you for raising awareness and sharing your story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

OP, I’m sorry you’re getting these pushback posts. I am so sorry for your loss and appreciate you opening people’s eyes that this is how alcoholism can present.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing your story, as devastating as it is.

My dad died from alcoholism at 48. Same with vodka bottles hidden throughout the house. I felt guilt for many, many years that we as a family didn't do more to stop him from drinking. Through therapy and the ACOA program, I have learned there is nothing I could have done to change the situation.

I think talking about it openly with your kids is beneficial. My mother swept it under the rug, and I had to figure it out on my own.

My sister is also a high-functioning alcoholic, and there is nothing I or her kids can do to help her. Her health is "fine," until it's not. And then it will be too late, just like your husband.

Again, I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

When you drink for a reason, and the reason doesn't change, it is hard for people to get sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

When you drink for a reason, and the reason doesn't change, it is hard for people to get sober.

Yes, I drank for the numbing effect. Once I quit I had to learn to deal with all the feelings again, which is tough and why a support group is really helpful. Stress is everywhere. I now have better coping mechanisms, but in times of high stress I still prioritize making it to meetings because when I am most busy is when I need my AA friends the most. They get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

OP here- completely fully functioning. He had the same job for 15 years and was very well respected. We’ve taken a weeklong vacations with no issues whatsoever. No car crashes or DUIs. No blackouts. Occasional episodes but just at home and mostly picking fights and being petty or argumentative. No yelling or physical violence of any kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

OP, I’m sorry you’re getting these pushback posts. I am so sorry for your loss and appreciate you opening people’s eyes that this is how alcoholism can present.

+1. I am also a recovering alcoholic, sober now for over two years. I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night and had moved to vodka at the time I quit. A lot of vodka. I don't have any crashed cars, lost jobs or friends, or DUIs. Only my immediate family knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

OP, I’m sorry you’re getting these pushback posts. I am so sorry for your loss and appreciate you opening people’s eyes that this is how alcoholism can present.

+1. I am also a recovering alcoholic, sober now for over two years. I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night and had moved to vodka at the time I quit. A lot of vodka. I don't have any crashed cars, lost jobs or friends, or DUIs. Only my immediate family knew.

OP, I forgot to add that I am so sorry for your loss, and for your children's loss. Take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

Reporting this post

I'm reporting you. How dare you grand stannd on someone sharing something so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

how did you function every day when hungover?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

OP here- completely fully functioning. He had the same job for 15 years and was very well respected. We’ve taken a weeklong vacations with no issues whatsoever. No car crashes or DUIs. No blackouts. Occasional episodes but just at home and mostly picking fights and being petty or argumentative. No yelling or physical violence of any kind.

Any advice for those dealing with a similar spouse?

[Anonymous]

OP again - of course I can’t tell for sure how much he was drinking but I was able to access his credit card statements after he died. He was going to the liquor and beer/wine store every 3 to 5 days. He spent about $150 a month just on alcohol. I suspect he was drinking a fifth of vodka every few days plus about a bottle of wine every night.

[Anonymous]

How kind that in your sadness, confusion and anger that your instinct was to help other families!

🤗

This is not your fault. Your husband’s sickness caused him to lie and deceive. You are a good woman and a great mom. Thank God your children have you. I promise that you will all be fine. In time.