Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: A 14 year old who bails on a high school tournament, isn't going to see much playing time the rest of that year, unless he's a super star, which won't set him up with the skills to move up. For my kid, making it varsity is a huge goal of his high school career. He's not a star player, so he puts a lot of effort into that goal, and letting his team down on a major tournament would be a huge set back.

I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

+1000

Oh yea, nephew does not come so her sister does not care about her.
How asinine is that??!
Stuff happens everyone cannot come to every family member's event.
Some of you are truly exacting about what is acceptable .
Geez calm down.. Sister is coming
Try being happy about that

[Anonymous]

I think the sis needs to support her daughter in asking the coach. The daughter will be sad to miss the wedding. I could understand if this was the final match or they were going to regionals or state or something, but the first game of the season? Ridic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: A 14 year old who bails on a high school tournament, isn't going to see much playing time the rest of that year, unless he's a super star, which won't set him up with the skills to move up. For my kid, making it varsity is a huge goal of his high school career. He's not a star player, so he puts a lot of effort into that goal, and letting his team down on a major tournament would be a huge set back.

I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

+1000

Oh yea, nephew does not come so her sister does not care about her.
How asinine is that??!
Stuff happens everyone cannot come to every family member's event.
Some of you are truly exacting about what is acceptable .
Geez calm down.. Sister is coming
Try being happy about that

Honestly, as PP, if someone decided that some damn soccer match was more important then my wedding, I would be greatly offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check:
I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

+1000

Oh yea, nephew does not come so her sister does not care about her.
How asinine is that??!
Stuff happens everyone cannot come to every family member's event.
Some of you are truly exacting about what is acceptable .
Geez calm down.. Sister is coming
Try being happy about that

Honestly, as PP, if someone decided that some damn soccer match was more important then my wedding, I would be greatly offended.

Greatly offended?

I'm with the stuff happens poster. I don't waste my time getting "greatly offended" about things like this. Yes, it would be better if the kid came to the wedding. But "greatly offended"? I would be damned if I would let something so secondary dampen my enthusiasm for my own wedding. It just isn't worth it. I am not the center of my nephew's universe. I offend my SIL all the time, and she me (we have absolutely nothing in common and don't understand each other at all). Isn't it great, though, that the two of us are committed to keep on trying and to keep on being loving? Isn't it great that we just shrug and move on? Life is way, way, way too short for "greatly offended," or to use this as a litmus test of the sister's love.

[Anonymous]

Agree no one should be greatly offended. I still think there's something wrong with kids not being able to talk to coaches and parents deciding no matter what to further their child's career over important family time. I also think it's a shame to raise kids who can't appreciate anything outside of their little world. This is not the character development I thought sports instilled. If this is really what high school sports are like, I'm all for getting rid of high school sports and just having the clubs run these things. In some sports the highest level kids don't even play on their high school team anyway and in Europe it's like this everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree no one should be greatly offended. I still think there's something wrong with kids not being able to talk to coaches and parents deciding no matter what to further their child's career over important family time. I also think it's a shame to raise kids who can't appreciate anything outside of their little world. This is not the character development I thought sports instilled. If this is really what high school sports are like, I'm all for getting rid of high school sports and just having the clubs run these things. In some sports the highest level kids don't even play on their high school team anyway and in Europe it's like this everywhere.

the clubs are WAY worse than the schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check:
I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

+1000

Oh yea, nephew does not come so her sister does not care about her.
How asinine is that??!
Stuff happens everyone cannot come to every family member's event.
Some of you are truly exacting about what is acceptable .
Geez calm down.. Sister is coming
Try being happy about that

Honestly, as PP, if someone decided that some damn soccer match was more important then my wedding, I would be greatly offended.

Greatly offended?

I'm with the stuff happens poster. I don't waste my time getting "greatly offended" about things like this. Yes, it would be better if the kid came to the wedding. But "greatly offended"? I would be damned if I would let something so secondary dampen my enthusiasm for my own wedding. It just isn't worth it. I am not the center of my nephew's universe. I offend my SIL all the time, and she me (we have absolutely nothing in common and don't understand each other at all). Isn't it great, though, that the two of us are committed to keep on trying and to keep on being loving? Isn't it great that we just shrug and move on? Life is way, way, way too short for "greatly offended," or to use this as a litmus test of the sister's love.

OP here. Agree with your last two sentences and that's how we've done it so far (always striving and I'd say successful) and will do it moving forward. Hiccups are expected in what will be my only cradle to grave relationship. Again thank you to everyone who commented. It's all been helpful for me.

[Anonymous]

My DS plays football and he's crazy good. He currently plays D1 on scholarship for a school that makes DCUM'ers swoon. His HS coach always said that family comes first. His exact words were family, school, football - that's the order. His college coach has the same message. You will be dedicated to football but you also have to attend class and be part of your family.

During HS, DS occasionally missed a few football things so we could go on a long vacation, attend a funeral and attend his uncles wedding in San francisco. If your sister is truly distraught, she should talk to the coach. Chances are he would say family comes first. The coach can go a long way with diffusing pressure on the athlete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: A 14 year old who bails on a high school tournament, isn't going to see much playing time the rest of that year, unless he's a super star, which won't set him up with the skills to move up. For my kid, making it varsity is a huge goal of his high school career. He's not a star player, so he puts a lot of effort into that goal, and letting his team down on a major tournament would be a huge set back.

I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

+1000

Oh yea, nephew does not come so her sister does not care about her.
How asinine is that??!
Stuff happens everyone cannot come to every family member's event.
Some of you are truly exacting about what is acceptable .
Geez calm down.. Sister is coming
Try being happy about that

Honestly, as PP, if someone decided that some damn soccer match was more important then my wedding, I would be greatly offended.

Spoken like a true bridezilla! Okay, okay, just your run-of-the-mill drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry OP. You sound like a great aunt. But a 14 year old boy will honestly be bored to tears at a wedding so having him there just to say he was there seems silly. I would let it go.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: A 14 year old who bails on a high school tournament, isn't going to see much playing time the rest of that year, unless he's a super star, which won't set him up with the skills to move up. For my kid, making it varsity is a huge goal of his high school career. He's not a star player, so he puts a lot of effort into that goal, and letting his team down on a major tournament would be a huge set back.

I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

+1000

Oh yea, nephew does not come so her sister does not care about her.
How asinine is that??!
Stuff happens everyone cannot come to every family member's event.
Some of you are truly exacting about what is acceptable .
Geez calm down.. Sister is coming
Try being happy about that

Honestly, as PP, if someone decided that some damn soccer match was more important then my wedding, I would be greatly offended.

Spoken like a true bridezilla! Okay, okay, just your run-of-the-mill drama queen.

...and I'll add- someone who probably doesn't have kids yet.

[Anonymous]

The sister should break off all contact with this horrible OP. What ever happened to wedding being about the people getting married? The wedding culture enablers are a serious problem as shown in this thread. What a bunch of losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sister should break off all contact with this horrible OP. What ever happened to wedding being about the people getting married? The wedding culture enablers are a serious problem as shown in this thread. What a bunch of losers.

You seem to be a real interpersonal winner. Good lord you're nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sister should break off all contact with this horrible OP. What ever happened to wedding being about the people getting married? The wedding culture enablers are a serious problem as shown in this thread. What a bunch of losers.

Yes even though her daughter was in the wedding, already said they could all go, invites sent and now are bailing because of a pre-season soccer tournament. Sure she should break off with the horrible OP who is upset. How dare she have a wedding planned that OP's sister already said she would go and her daughter would be a part of. But..... a pre-season tournament came up. Sports comes first. How does she not know this????

[Anonymous]

OP, you will have to work around them. My sister and her son bailed on the rehearsal for my wedding because of a dedicated sport. They attended the wedding, albeit half heartedly (sister had issues).

Are you sure this isn't about something else? Maybe a statement by your sister, not having to do with you? Could she be jealous, perhaps?