Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't the sister ask the coach what the ramifications would be for missing the game up front/essentially ask for son to be excused? I think the son can deal with the fallout. Challenges and frustrating situations are part of life. So are family and celebrations!

HS coaches don't talk to parents in general. The kids are suppose to do all the negotiating for themselves. They are in HS not Kindergarten.

So parents are expected to spend all this time fundraising, paying for stuff, going to games, supporting the team...and they can't talk to the coach??? Is s/he a King?? That is seriously effed up. This no pain, no gain mentality is bad for kids and creates assholes with screwed up priorities. Seriously sad. I feel bad for the nephew missing his aunt's wedding. That's a hole in his life that being present at just another game of hundreds is never going to fill. Seriously distorted priorities here. Sorry OP. You'll be fine. The loss is to your nephew. I think you should talk to your sister and let her know how you feel. Ask her if she and her son can talk to the coach. Plan and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous



No one said the teen was more interested in sports or his sporting event. There were no posts about the teen's perspective, except conjecture. He may have rather gone to the wedding or really wanted to go to both.

Yep I think the OP and sister have some other issues going. Bet it has to do with a 40 year old bridezilla.

Love you! Keep posting this on every page. Keeps you busy, being you have no life and this is the source of your joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14 yr old boys do not give a damn about weddings. Don"t be insulted or hurt, it's just life.

This is my other favorite poster. The "teenage kids will get bored about anything that doesn't revolve around them poster." They can handle hours of grueling training, buses to places across the country, sports teams and camps where they know no one, and watch mom and dad hanging out for hours for their activities, but can't handle one wedding with good food family and dancing. I particularly like that this person keeps saying boys feel this way when OP is posting about a girl. 21:46 For the last time, OP is posting about a girl who likes her aunt a lot, had already picked out her outfit, and had practiced her reading without complaint.

[Anonymous]

Meant to address to 21:36

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14 yr old boys do not give a damn about weddings. Don"t be insulted or hurt, it's just life.

This is my other favorite poster. The "teenage kids will get bored about anything that doesn't revolve around them poster." They can handle hours of grueling training, buses to places across the country, sports teams and camps where they know no one, and watch mom and dad hanging out for hours for their activities, but can't handle one wedding with good food family and dancing. I particularly like that this person keeps saying boys feel this way when OP is posting about a girl. 21:46 For the last time, OP is posting about a girl who likes her aunt a lot, had already picked out her outfit, and had practiced her reading without complaint.

You recognize that OP started the thread saying it was a boy, correct? And this poster isn't the only one to say teenagers don't care about weddings because I shared a similar sentiment earlier on as well. This point of view is not so out there that only one person could hold it, you know that right?

[Anonymous]

The term bridezilla has been used by more than one poster.

[Anonymous]

I completely disagree and have boys. You make your children sound like they have some sort of disability instead of being the varsity sports player they are. The main issue I have with this comment that keeps popping up though is that it doesn't match OP's description at all, so why repeat it ad nauseam? Do you ever ask yourself why your boys are so unable to handle an event that is so joyous for many others? I'm sure they would prefer to play soccer but being bored to me signifies a problem with them. It's perplexing especially since you have such a talented athlete with such dedication to their sport and to their team. A wedding with it's family centered focus is somewhat similar to a celebration of a win by a team. You might want to read an article like this one. Children's reactions often have a lot to do with parents expectations and culture. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/07/02/spoiled-rotten

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The term bridezilla has been used by more than one poster.

Or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The term bridezilla has been used by more than one poster.

Or not.

As one of the posters who used the term, I can assure you there are others. Talk about projecting.

I don't see anything wrong with the term bridezilla. Pretty much sums up the level of self-absorbtion displayed in this thread. American girls are still brainwashed to believe the day of their wedding is the most important day of everybody's life. God forbid others' kids have their priorities. I mean get a grip. It's not the sister or a parent who's not coming. It's a 14-year old to whom your "big day" is as significant as his "high school career" is to you.

[Anonymous]

A wedding is one day. A wedding is not your marriage. Your marriage is not dependent on who attends the wedding ceremony. Be a bride -- make it about you and not about your guests. As long as the groom shows up, you're good.

My kids don't play sports, but I would carefully weigh the importance of something like this over something that is important to someone else. Grandmother's funeral? Skip the tournament. Aunt's wedding? Go to the tournament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: A 14 year old who bails on a high school tournament, isn't going to see much playing time the rest of that year, unless he's a super star, which won't set him up with the skills to move up. For my kid, making it varsity is a huge goal of his high school career. He's not a star player, so he puts a lot of effort into that goal, and letting his team down on a major tournament would be a huge set back.

I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The term bridezilla has been used by more than one poster.

Or not.

As one of the posters who used the term, I can assure you there are others. Talk about projecting.

I don't see anything wrong with the term bridezilla. Pretty much sums up the level of self-absorbtion displayed in this thread. American girls are still brainwashed to believe the day of their wedding is the most important day of everybody's life. God forbid others' kids have their priorities. I mean get a grip. It's not the sister or a parent who's not coming. It's a 14-year old to whom your "big day" is as significant as his "high school career" is to you.

Not giving a shit apparently is the only thing that counts as lacking self-absorbtion. Or is it just self-absorbtion if the guest is a kid. You're a complete ass and bridezilla if you care if your mom or best friend or brother does not come too?

Somehow that wouldn't fly as the center of the show Bridezillas. I guess normal human feelings and reactions and care aren't television drama material. I can see the riveting show trailer: Next time on Bridezillas! Aunt learns last minute nephew is not coming to wedding for soccer game. Wonders about this choice….feels disappointment….lets it go. Don't miss this Saturday at 9!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reality check: A 14 year old who bails on a high school tournament, isn't going to see much playing time the rest of that year, unless he's a super star, which won't set him up with the skills to move up. For my kid, making it varsity is a huge goal of his high school career. He's not a star player, so he puts a lot of effort into that goal, and letting his team down on a major tournament would be a huge set back.

I know in this case, I'd let my kid choose, and be very surprised if he chose a wedding over his sport.

Is this really what modern parenting is?

I was raised that family was actually importent. Had I, a 14 year old, decided trying to go varsity was more importent then a reletive's wedding, my dad would whoop my ass.

OP: the fact your sister is letting her son bail shows just how much she cares about you and your wedding. Use it to decide whether her and family will be invited to other family events.

+1000

[Anonymous]

So wait, is this a boy or a girl OP is talking about? Original post talked about a boy. What's the deal?

[Anonymous]

OP started saying it was a boy instead of a girl at first because she wanted to be more anonymous but then clarified. Does it matter or are only 14 boys allowed to be bored at weddings? I mean they're only 14 right? Snarkiness meant for the posters who think it's natural and acceptable for a 14 year old to get out of a wedding because he's bored, not PP.