About to turn 54 and I'm having a wave of sadness and depression

[Anonymous]

I'm about to turn 54 and I suddenly feel very sad. My dh is at the end of the bed doing push ups and Dumbbells. He's lost weight such that his wedding band keeps flying off. I on the other hand have all sorts of health issues, keep gaining weight, have abandoned exercise (Heath concerns have interfered), am addicted to refined carbs and weigh 30 lbs too much. We have an adopted special needs child who is a lot of work although she's a sweet child. My parents are both deceased. My work is low pay and deadend. I have a few masters degrees. I don't have solid friendships They are more surface relationships. I'm in therapy. His and and I are in therapy. Feeling stuck. No family. Any advice from anyone whose been here? I know changing my diet and focusing on my we'll be my would help. Was supposed to celebrate tomorrow w dinner and a comedy club. Sitter just cancelled due to death in the family. Subs aren't available. Deep sigh. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Crickets.

Feel better!

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you can't get another babysitter? Sounds like the comedy club is just what the doctor ordered.

Can you look at changing your work? That might go a long way to improving your outlook.

Good luck. You have a lot on your plate.

[Anonymous]

You've got a lot on your plate and you don't have a real solid support system. I think you just need to carve out some time somehow where you can be selfish for a change.

[Anonymous]

Just hugs. I understand. I'm a few years behind you, but dH is military so keeping in shape is part of his job. I've had two kids late in life, and now a whacked out thyroid and jacked up knee, and physically I'm a mess. I'm last on my own list, always. Sucks. I get it. Just hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you can't get another babysitter? Sounds like the comedy club is just what the doctor ordered.

Can you look at changing your work? That might go a long way to improving your outlook.

Good luck. You have a lot on your plate.

Thank you. Child has special medical needs. I contacted three other people who have watched her. Two aren't available. Havent heard from the third.

[Anonymous]

You have a "few masters degrees"??? What does that mean??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just hugs. I understand. I'm a few years behind you, but dH is military so keeping in shape is part of his job. I've had two kids late in life, and now a whacked out thyroid and jacked up knee, and physically I'm a mess. I'm last on my own list, always. Sucks. I get it. Just hugs to you.

Thank you. Feeling really alone at the moment. I have Graves' disease, joint hypermobility, vertigo, tinnitus, progressive hearing loss, chronic pain to name some of my assortment of ailments. Oh, and there is also menopause. None of this helps. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease at 60. Died at 72. I pray I don't get the same.

[Anonymous]

I'm about your age, suffering multiple health and weight issues, currently in a terrible job and dealing with a very troubled partner and a damaged relationship. It does get depressing and frustrating. I don't have energy to reach out to friends, so I've become very isolated.

Cut the refined carbs for a month. It's easier in summer when you can eat great fresh salads and grill meats. You will probably feel a bit better physically.

This is a rough time for women. We need to do more for ourselves at this point, because it all catches up with us.

[Anonymous]

You can definitely start by losing the weight. I am your age, almost exactly, and decided to change my diet a few years ago. Lost the extra 30 pounds, and 2 sizes, and feel much better. In fact its amazing what just that change did for overall self esteem and confidence. As pp said, drop the processed carbs and start eating fresh vegs and fruit. This is the best time of year to do it. I did it though diet, not exercise, so it should be something you can do without finding extra time in the day.

Not sure how old your child is but we are now empty nesters and it has been a pleasant surprise. Love having my kids home for the summer, but will also be fine when they go back to college. So that's something to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

For your overall physical and mental resilience, what about yoga and swimming, with a little daily walking?
You're not in a wheelchair, OP, you can chose to exercise gently and regularly.

For weight loss, please realize that it's all about nutrition, not exercise (although it helps to burn calories!). You have to limit portion control and eat less fat and sugar. Don't buy junk. Period. It takes a few months for your stomach to retract and feel full after a reduced (in reality, a normal) meal. So you have to stick with it for that long and then you'll results will come more easily because you won't feel that hungry.

I'm not saying any of these things are easy! But you will feel so much more in control of your life (and therefore happier) if you manage to do them.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a "few masters degrees"??? What does that mean??

I have skills and education and I need to get it together to reach my goal of being n business for myself where I earn well. I'm allowing myself to be robbed by my employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a "few masters degrees"??? What does that mean??

I have skills and education and I need to get it together to reach my goal of being n business for myself where I earn well. I'm allowing myself to be robbed by my employer.

You are not a victim. You may be underemployed but that's not your employers fault. If you have the skills to work for yourself then do it. I did it at 49 and it's worked out well. But you can't wallow in self pity or play victim. Make some changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to turn 54 and I suddenly feel very sad. My dh is at the end of the bed doing push ups and Dumbbells. He's lost weight such that his wedding band keeps flying off. I on the other hand have all sorts of health issues, keep gaining weight, have abandoned exercise (Heath concerns have interfered), am addicted to refined carbs and weigh 30 lbs too much. We have an adopted special needs child who is a lot of work although she's a sweet child. My parents are both deceased. My work is low pay and deadend. I have a few masters degrees. I don't have solid friendships They are more surface relationships. I'm in therapy. His and and I are in therapy. Feeling stuck. No family. Any advice from anyone whose been here? I know changing my diet and focusing on my we'll be my would help. Was supposed to celebrate tomorrow w dinner and a comedy club. Sitter just cancelled due to death in the family. Subs aren't available. Deep sigh. Thanks.

I got some great advice on DCUM. Really changed my life. It was DCUMers recommending this website, Mark's Daily Apple or MDA, which is about changing your lifestyle to adhere more closely to what your body was designed for--how your ancestors lived; and how that affects your health and sense of wellbeing. For example, advocating getting enough sleep, and science-backed suggestions for how to bring this about (like, no green or blue artificial light in the room because that adversely affects your brain's release of melatonin).
Here is the philosophy (his words) :

Our ancestors evolved over millions of years under certain environmental conditions. These conditions (the foods they ate, the amount of sun they got, the sort of movement that was required of them to survive, etc.) shaped their genome. While the world has changed in innumerable ways in the last 10,000 years (for better and worse), the human genome has changed very little and thus only thrives under similar conditions. Simply put, if you want a good future you better listen to the past. And that’s where The Primal Blueprint and Mark’s Daily Apple come in. Showing you how to direct gene expression toward fat burning, muscle building, longevity and wellness, and away from fat storing, muscle wasting, disease and illness.

and I bookmarked the following link, and read it each day (the topic rotates through the week, so you have to do a full 7 day cycle. Saturday is my least favorite day--recipe day--but Sunday is interesting)
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/#axzz339kbwAql

and the best of all is on Fridays--reader's success stories! Here's a link to some past ones:
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/category/success-story-summaries/#axzz3gDg9CsiQ

Look I know it sounds a little flip given your situation, but I'm just saying it helped me and a lot of what is discussed in this website I believe can help you, too. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a "few masters degrees"??? What does that mean??

I have skills and education and I need to get it together to reach my goal of being n business for myself where I earn well. I'm allowing myself to be robbed by my employer.

You are not a victim. You may be underemployed but that's not your employers fault. If you have the skills to work for yourself then do it. I did it at 49 and it's worked out well. But you can't wallow in self pity or play victim. Make some changes.

I don't believe I'm being a victim. I said I am allowing this situation to happen. I have a plan and I am working toward departure. Need to pass a professional exam which I'm studying for. No one is doing anything to me that I'm not responsible for. I'm seeing my life. I don't want it this way. I know that eating better will help me feel better. I used to exercise very strenuously to manage weight but I burnt out. I find comfort in food that only makes me feel worse. When I have given up gluten and sugar my outlook improved tremendously. I've just been unable to sustain it. One bite and I'm off to the races. Not sure how to sustain it. My DC is 8 so I've got a long way to go to empty nest time. DH told me tonight that I've been negative and hard to live with for the last few years. He said he's here til the end. I also see him getting fit, after being told he's pré diabetic with high blood presure and cholesterol and I feel I'm going the other way. That he's a nice looking trim 50 yo and I'm bloated and in extra physical pain because I'm carrying around 190 lbs on a 5 fr 7 frame. I'm exhausted and in pain daily. Just needed to share her because there is no where else to share at the moment. Thanks for your responses and suggestions. I'm praying for the willingness to do what I've got to do.
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