About to turn 54 and I'm having a wave of sadness and depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a "few masters degrees"??? What does that mean??

I have skills and education and I need to get it together to reach my goal of being n business for myself where I earn well. I'm allowing myself to be robbed by my employer.

You are not a victim. You may be underemployed but that's not your employers fault. If you have the skills to work for yourself then do it. I did it at 49 and it's worked out well. But you can't wallow in self pity or play victim. Make some changes.

What did you do to chsnge if you don't mind me asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about your age, suffering multiple health and weight issues, currently in a terrible job and dealing with a very troubled partner and a damaged relationship. It does get depressing and frustrating. I don't have energy to reach out to friends, so I've become very isolated.

Cut the refined carbs for a month. It's easier in summer when you can eat great fresh salads and grill meats. You will probably feel a bit better physically.

This is a rough time for women. We need to do more for ourselves at this point, because it all catches up with us.

What to do after they been cut for a month?

[Anonymous]

my guess?

You've been a caretaker on the sidelines. You can't be a caretaker w/o first taking care of yourself.

Talk to your doctor and find an exercise routine that meets your needs.

Change starts with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about your age, suffering multiple health and weight issues, currently in a terrible job and dealing with a very troubled partner and a damaged relationship. It does get depressing and frustrating. I don't have energy to reach out to friends, so I've become very isolated.

Cut the refined carbs for a month. It's easier in summer when you can eat great fresh salads and grill meats. You will probably feel a bit better physically.

This is a rough time for women. We need to do more for ourselves at this point, because it all catches up with us.

What to do after they been cut for a month?[/quote

I had gestational diabetes with my second pregnancy (delivered him at 42). Once I cut the carbs, I no longer craved them. I'm still not a big carb fan - and my son is now 7.

[Anonymous]

OP - sorry to hear this. I think you are on the right track identifying the areas that make you feel down and depressed.
Along with diet and exercise i would also recommend starting to reach out to friends you have lost touch with and rebuilding the emotional networks. All of life's knocks are easier to deal with when there is a supportive network.
Good luck and you are not alone

[Anonymous]

Regarding cutting out the carbs, do you mean don't have any;
sandwiches
cereal
potatoes
pasta
cookies

anything else? please advise, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Bread, white rice, sugary drinks, candy. You can have lentils/dried beans, cous cous, brown rice, quinoa but don't overdo - they pack a lot of carbs even though they are complex carbs.

Stick with Lean protein (fish, chicken, turkey, eggs, canned tuna, etc.) veggies mostly. Some fats - cheese, Eat close to nature. Drink water.

[Anonymous]

Hormonal Imbalance, get tested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hormonal Imbalance, get tested

Every time I get my hormones tested they are fine. May need a mood stabilizer. Considering it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to turn 54 and I suddenly feel very sad. My dh is at the end of the bed doing push ups and Dumbbells. He's lost weight such that his wedding band keeps flying off. I on the other hand have all sorts of health issues, keep gaining weight, have abandoned exercise (Heath concerns have interfered), am addicted to refined carbs and weigh 30 lbs too much. We have an adopted special needs child who is a lot of work although she's a sweet child. My parents are both deceased. My work is low pay and deadend. I have a few masters degrees. I don't have solid friendships They are more surface relationships. I'm in therapy. His and and I are in therapy. Feeling stuck. No family. Any advice from anyone whose been here? I know changing my diet and focusing on my we'll be my would help. Was supposed to celebrate tomorrow w dinner and a comedy club. Sitter just cancelled due to death in the family. Subs aren't available. Deep sigh. Thanks.

OP, I am thinking of you. I saw your post yesterday and it resonated with me but didn't have time to write until now. I've been through some similar issues, hitting middle age, addiction to refined carbs, career stagnation, only surface friendships, no family nearby, and giving so much of myself to my son that I became a shell of my former self. Unlike your situation, DH is less motivated than me in terms of diet and exercise, but he is more motivated when he sees me doing more. Several of the PPs gave good advice. Here are some things that worked for me.

Create a list of time obligations and cross as many off your list as possible so that you create bubbles of free time (sometimes we just have a Netflix show and pick up takeout instead of going out for an entire evening and having to get child care). If you are not getting enough sleep, keep adjusting your bedtime by going to bed 15 minutes earlier than the previous day. Keep doing this until you wake up without an alarm clock with 2 hours of extra time in the morning.

If muscle and joint issues contribute to your difficulties exercising (for me it was the knees), try physical therapy. I went first thing in the morning on Saturdays for about 8 weeks. Previously I was not able to walk down stairs without leaning heavily on the bannister. The physical therapist got me doing knee exercises and taking a spin class at the gym. Over the next 18 months I lost 3 dress sizes and felt much better in all aspects of life and my work responsibilities have increased significantly. I am not too familiar with Graves and the other conditions you named, but hoping that you can find some type of gentle exercise that would work for you.

I am still working on the lack of family/close friendships part.

In terms of eating, I started using the My Fitness Pal app for all food and exercise. That made me gradually substitute away from things like pizza with extra cheese and sausage to gluten free pasta with black beans and marinara. I started baking a few gluten free vegan breakfast cookies from the Minimalist Baker site, and keeping extra in the freezer. I also substituted chick pea flour for regular wheat flour in those recipes.

I wish I could be your friend in real life and we could support each other, but I will come here and check on you from time to time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about your age, suffering multiple health and weight issues, currently in a terrible job and dealing with a very troubled partner and a damaged relationship. It does get depressing and frustrating. I don't have energy to reach out to friends, so I've become very isolated.

Cut the refined carbs for a month. It's easier in summer when you can eat great fresh salads and grill meats. You will probably feel a bit better physically.

This is a rough time for women. We need to do more for ourselves at this point, because it all catches up with us.

This is PP. I hope this PP will continue to visit this thread so we can support each other. I will keep you and OP in my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bread, white rice, sugary drinks, candy. You can have lentils/dried beans, cous cous, brown rice, quinoa but don't overdo - they pack a lot of carbs even though they are complex carbs.

Stick with Lean protein (fish, chicken, turkey, eggs, canned tuna, etc.) veggies mostly. Some fats - cheese, Eat close to nature. Drink water.

You should be trying to make her feel better, not depress her even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bread, white rice, sugary drinks, candy. You can have lentils/dried beans, cous cous, brown rice, quinoa but don't overdo - they pack a lot of carbs even though they are complex carbs.

Stick with Lean protein (fish, chicken, turkey, eggs, canned tuna, etc.) veggies mostly. Some fats - cheese, Eat close to nature. Drink water.

You should be trying to make her feel better, not depress her even more.

I eat those things and don't feel depressed about it. I feel more depressed when I eat the bread and sugary food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding cutting out the carbs, do you mean don't have any;
sandwiches
cereal
potatoes
pasta
cookies

anything else? please advise, thanks.

I've cut potatoes and cookies pretty much entirely. I eat whole wheat bread and pasta in moderation. I am not much for cereal anyway - I eat oatmeal, whole wheat English muffin with almond butter or a boiled egg for breakfast. I rarely have a two slices of bread sandwich - either open faced or a whole grain wrap. If I am eating out I just take off the top slice or bun.

I found it surprisingly easy to cut way back on processed carbs, although maybe that's because I do still eat whole grain stuff. The difference is that whole grains take longer to digest, so you feel full longer.

You don't need to completely overhaul your diet all at once. Start by cutting out potatoes, anything made with white flour, and junk food and I bet you will feel better and start to lose weight. Plus it sounds like your DH is already on a healthy kick so hopefully he will join you in a healthier diet. In our house we all eat fairly healthy - kids are even more focused on it than I am. So no excuses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about your age, suffering multiple health and weight issues, currently in a terrible job and dealing with a very troubled partner and a damaged relationship. It does get depressing and frustrating. I don't have energy to reach out to friends, so I've become very isolated.

Cut the refined carbs for a month. It's easier in summer when you can eat great fresh salads and grill meats. You will probably feel a bit better physically.

This is a rough time for women. We need to do more for ourselves at this point, because it all catches up with us.

I agree. I'm a 54yo mom of two teenage boys and this is the roughest time of life by far for me. My marriage isn't so hot, I'm 30 lbs overweight, I work too much, I'm depressed and anxious. Basically I'm just getting by, treading water. In the meantime, I spare no expense as far as my kids go - I take great care of them. But I neglect myself.

Recently I decided to take the bull by the horns and started therapy. My therapist suggested a complete physical, which I scheduled, and I saw my doctor and started an antidepressant (therapist thinks I am depressed and I agree). I scheduled a couple of other doctor appointments I have been putting off.

I am starting to eat better (cutting out sweets and carbs) and doing something in the evenings other than cruising the Internet.

OP, make one change at a time. Start with a complete physical and take it from there.