Friends find my husband undesirable

[Anonymous]

I'm kind of sick of having to hear unflattering comments about my husband. He is sweet and gentle and erudite with boyish good looks. He's also a little dorky and not the most smooth person in the room in social situations. I absolutely adore him and gush about him to my friends. They always respond with, " oh yeah he's your dream guy but I would never date him!"

They also like to sort of make fun of him for his quirks. He has poor visibility driving in rain for example and cancels social obligations due to the weather. My friends make comments like " oh John! He's so funny!"

I don't like that condescending attitude and am beginning to resent it. Am I wrong to be upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of sick of having to hear unflattering comments about my husband. He is sweet and gentle and erudite with boyish good looks. He's also a little dorky and not the most smooth person in the room in social situations. I absolutely adore him and gush about him to my friends. They always respond with, " oh yeah he's your dream guy but I would never date him!"

They also like to sort of make fun of him for his quirks. He has poor visibility driving in rain for example and cancels social obligations due to the weather. My friends make comments like " oh John! He's so funny!"

I don't like that condescending attitude and am beginning to resent it. Am I wrong to be upset?

Your friends are being incredibly disrespectful, but I think you're a little bit too concerned with your friends finding your husband attractive, based on the 2 threads you've posted about this so far. Get new friends and work on being more secure in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

do you gush all the time? Maybe they're trying to get you to tone it down. It's rude to poke fun at your BFs expense, but no one is obligated to like him. Consider what they're saying. Are they jerks? Or is he just not their type?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do you gush all the time? Maybe they're trying to get you to tone it down. It's rude to poke fun at your BFs expense, but no one is obligated to like him. Consider what they're saying. Are they jerks? Or is he just not their type?

Oops. Somehow missed husband. That changes it up a bit. That's pretty obnoxious and Id consider new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of sick of having to hear unflattering comments about my husband. He is sweet and gentle and erudite with boyish good looks. He's also a little dorky and not the most smooth person in the room in social situations. I absolutely adore him and gush about him to my friends. They always respond with, " oh yeah he's your dream guy but I would never date him!"

They also like to sort of make fun of him for his quirks. He has poor visibility driving in rain for example and cancels social obligations due to the weather. My friends make comments like " oh John! He's so funny!"

I don't like that condescending attitude and am beginning to resent it. Am I wrong to be upset?

Your friends are being incredibly disrespectful, but I think you're a little bit too concerned with your friends finding your husband attractive, based on the 2 threads you've posted about this so far. Get new friends and work on being more secure in your relationship.

Haha yes its me that started both threads! I'm kind of annoyed by it because I always say nice things about their SOs! When they brag about their husbands I smile and say," aw you must be so proud of him!" Or " wow he seems like a sweetheart"

I don't get why my husband elicits the snobby attitude from them. I get that he's shy and kinda dorky but he's a sweetheart.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you and your "friends" are insecure assholes who need something better to talk about than bragging up the men they are married to.

[Anonymous]

Your friends are assholes and so are you for listening to them.

[Anonymous]

Maybe stop all the gushing about him? That's kind of weird.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed if my friend cancelled at the last minute on dinner plans, etc. because of the rain. That's just weird. Also, maybe tone back the gushing all the time. It sounds like you're overcompensating.

Overall, though, try not to let it bother you and talk about something else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe stop all the gushing about him? That's kind of weird.

Why? I don't gush just randomly. I just tell my friends when he brings me breakfast in bed or brings me surprise flowers.

[Anonymous]

How many more threads are you going to start about this, OP? Move on already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe stop all the gushing about him? That's kind of weird.

Why? I don't gush just randomly. I just tell my friends when he brings me breakfast in bed or brings me surprise flowers.

Maybe your friends are jerks, maybe they just think those things are lame and predictable. I'm glad you love your husband, stop worrying about others

[Anonymous]

Why can't you drive in the rain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of sick of having to hear unflattering comments about my husband. He is sweet and gentle and erudite with boyish good looks. He's also a little dorky and not the most smooth person in the room in social situations. I absolutely adore him and gush about him to my friends. They always respond with, " oh yeah he's your dream guy but I would never date him!"

They also like to sort of make fun of him for his quirks. He has poor visibility driving in rain for example and cancels social obligations due to the weather. My friends make comments like " oh John! He's so funny!"

I don't like that condescending attitude and am beginning to resent it. Am I wrong to be upset?

Your friends are being incredibly disrespectful, but I think you're a little bit too concerned with your friends finding your husband attractive, based on the 2 threads you've posted about this so far. Get new friends and work on being more secure in your relationship.

Haha yes its me that started both threads! I'm kind of annoyed by it because I always say nice things about their SOs! When they brag about their husbands I smile and say," aw you must be so proud of him!" Or " wow he seems like a sweetheart"

I don't get why my husband elicits the snobby attitude from them. I get that he's shy and kinda dorky but he's a sweetheart.

OP, how old are you and your friends? Your language makes you sound really young. Also, stop complimenting other people's husbands. Even when you mean well, it's pretty clear that there is weird competition in your circle of friends about the associated men. Your compliments may be coming off as being "on the make" as someone told you in your other thread.

If you are secure in your relationship, stand up for that relationship to your friends. "Sarah, this is the 3rd time you've made a negative comment about Steve, and I do not appreciate it. Please be more respectful of my marriage." or "Jane, no one is asking you to date Patrick. What a weird thing to say!"

Also, get some new friends, seriously. There are hundreds if not thousands of women who have normal friendships that don't involve passive aggressive comments about their friends' spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe stop all the gushing about him? That's kind of weird.

Why? I don't gush just randomly. I just tell my friends when he brings me breakfast in bed or brings me surprise flowers.

OP, do these friends have a history of being nasty/condescending to you on other topics? Or does it seem to be limited to just this one? If it's the latter, they're just not good friends and it's probably time to move on. If it's the latter, I think you need to look at the broader dynamic to see what you might be contributing as well. It could be that they're irritated that you seem to always bring the conversation back to bragging about your husband, perhaps especially in comparison to theirs, and they're essentially responding in kind by comparing your husband disfavorably to theirs. "Eddie sent me the nicest flowers for our anniversary, I was so surprised because he's not usually one for sending flowers." "Oh, that's so sweet of him. My husband is constantly sending me flowers, he knows I like them so surprises me with them all the time." It's also possible that you're mis-perceiving the nature of their comments, and that they're just kind of ribbing your husband a bit the same way they do their own, and it's not actually meant to insult him any more than they mean to insult their own husbands by joking about their quirks.