Friends find my husband undesirable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe stop all the gushing about him? That's kind of weird.

Why? I don't gush just randomly. I just tell my friends when he brings me breakfast in bed or brings me surprise flowers.

Well, try holding off on making those comments for a while. If they still knock him, then they are shallow and you should consider other friends.

Personally, I find it annoying when women sit around a bitch about their significant others. Hearing positive things would be great. Maybe these women are insecure in their own relationships and are a bit jealous.

But consider it from a different perspective, OP. If you knew someone who got a new car, nice jewelry, and told you this every time, you might think they were a little braggy. They probably see you as bragging vs. sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of sick of having to hear unflattering comments about my husband. He is sweet and gentle and erudite with boyish good looks. He's also a little dorky and not the most smooth person in the room in social situations. I absolutely adore him and gush about him to my friends. They always respond with, " oh yeah he's your dream guy but I would never date him!"

They also like to sort of make fun of him for his quirks. He has poor visibility driving in rain for example and cancels social obligations due to the weather. My friends make comments like " oh John! He's so funny!"

I don't like that condescending attitude and am beginning to resent it. Am I wrong to be upset?

Your friends are being incredibly disrespectful, but I think you're a little bit too concerned with your friends finding your husband attractive, based on the 2 threads you've posted about this so far. Get new friends and work on being more secure in your relationship.

Haha yes its me that started both threads! I'm kind of annoyed by it because I always say nice things about their SOs! When they brag about their husbands I smile and say," aw you must be so proud of him!" Or " wow he seems like a sweetheart"

I don't get why my husband elicits the snobby attitude from them. I get that he's shy and kinda dorky but he's a sweetheart.

OP, how old are you and your friends? Your language makes you sound really young. Also, stop complimenting other people's husbands. Even when you mean well, it's pretty clear that there is weird competition in your circle of friends about the associated men. Your compliments may be coming off as being "on the make" as someone told you in your other thread.

If you are secure in your relationship, stand up for that relationship to your friends. "Sarah, this is the 3rd time you've made a negative comment about Steve, and I do not appreciate it. Please be more respectful of my marriage." or "Jane, no one is asking you to date Patrick. What a weird thing to say!"

Also, get some new friends, seriously. There are hundreds if not thousands of women who have normal friendships that don't involve passive aggressive comments about their friends' spouses.

You're right. I a 100% need new friends! These two are not a healthy group of girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe stop all the gushing about him? That's kind of weird.

Why? I don't gush just randomly. I just tell my friends when he brings me breakfast in bed or brings me surprise flowers.

Well, try holding off on making those comments for a while. If they still knock him, then they are shallow and you should consider other friends.

Personally, I find it annoying when women sit around a bitch about their significant others. Hearing positive things would be great. Maybe these women are insecure in their own relationships and are a bit jealous.

But consider it from a different perspective, OP. If you knew someone who got a new car, nice jewelry, and told you this every time, you might think they were a little braggy. They probably see you as bragging vs. sharing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of sick of having to hear unflattering comments about my husband. He is sweet and gentle and erudite with boyish good looks. He's also a little dorky and not the most smooth person in the room in social situations. I absolutely adore him and gush about him to my friends. They always respond with, " oh yeah he's your dream guy but I would never date him!"

They also like to sort of make fun of him for his quirks. He has poor visibility driving in rain for example and cancels social obligations due to the weather. My friends make comments like " oh John! He's so funny!"

I don't like that condescending attitude and am beginning to resent it. Am I wrong to be upset?

Your friends are being incredibly disrespectful, but I think you're a little bit too concerned with your friends finding your husband attractive, based on the 2 threads you've posted about this so far. Get new friends and work on being more secure in your relationship.

Haha yes its me that started both threads! I'm kind of annoyed by it because I always say nice things about their SOs! When they brag about their husbands I smile and say," aw you must be so proud of him!" Or " wow he seems like a sweetheart"

I don't get why my husband elicits the snobby attitude from them. I get that he's shy and kinda dorky but he's a sweetheart.

OP, how old are you?

[Anonymous]

Stop gushing about your husband it is annoying. The no driving in the rain thing is weird. Why do you have to cancel plans, why can't you drive?

[Anonymous]

You friends are dickwads.

[Anonymous]

What are the previous threads?

[Anonymous]

OP, usually I would be on your side - it is always disrespectful to criticize another person's spouse (absent abuse, addition, etc!) But some of the examples you give seem to be your friends' response to your attempt to elicit approval and admiration from them. You're basically fishing for compliments - for your husband. In other words, it doesn't seem like they just blurt out of the blue that they "wouldn't date your husband" but that you have gushed about him, want them to gush back, and they are sort of saying whoa, enough there. I would find it extremely annoying and exhausting if you were repeatedly trying to elicit praise from me - or trying to one up me with stories of your husband.

That said, if your friends truly do criticize your husband out of the blue and/or are critical of other aspects of your life (your job, your house, how you dress) then the problem is definitely them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of sick of having to hear unflattering comments about my husband. He is sweet and gentle and erudite with boyish good looks. He's also a little dorky and not the most smooth person in the room in social situations. I absolutely adore him and gush about him to my friends. They always respond with, " oh yeah he's your dream guy but I would never date him!"

They also like to sort of make fun of him for his quirks. He has poor visibility driving in rain for example and cancels social obligations due to the weather. My friends make comments like " oh John! He's so funny!"

I don't like that condescending attitude and am beginning to resent it. Am I wrong to be upset?

Your friends are being incredibly disrespectful, but I think you're a little bit too concerned with your friends finding your husband attractive, based on the 2 threads you've posted about this so far. Get new friends and work on being more secure in your relationship.

Haha yes its me that started both threads! I'm kind of annoyed by it because I always say nice things about their SOs! When they brag about their husbands I smile and say," aw you must be so proud of him!" Or " wow he seems like a sweetheart"

I don't get why my husband elicits the snobby attitude from them. I get that he's shy and kinda dorky but he's a sweetheart.

OP, how old are you and your friends? Your language makes you sound really young. Also, stop complimenting other people's husbands. Even when you mean well, it's pretty clear that there is weird competition in your circle of friends about the associated men. Your compliments may be coming off as being "on the make" as someone told you in your other thread.

If you are secure in your relationship, stand up for that relationship to your friends. "Sarah, this is the 3rd time you've made a negative comment about Steve, and I do not appreciate it. Please be more respectful of my marriage." or "Jane, no one is asking you to date Patrick. What a weird thing to say!"

Also, get some new friends, seriously. There are hundreds if not thousands of women who have normal friendships that don't involve passive aggressive comments about their friends' spouses.

You're right. I a 100% need new friends! These two are not a healthy group of girls.

Good luck with that. Your pathological need to brag about your relationship and your need for reassurance are sure to be attractive qualities that make you some new besties right away!

[Anonymous]

I think the title on your thread is really interesting. This is ostensibly about your friends saying negative things, but I strongly suspect your thread title is more on point -- you're upset that they aren't as enamored of your husband as you are. Would you be okay if they thought these things but just didn't vocalize them?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you having second thoughts about your relationship?

That's the only reason why I can figure out why you may start multiple threads about wha tryout friends think.

Th problem is not what your friends say about John, it's that you care about what your friends say about him (aka: the problem is you)...or,you think it yourself(aka the problem is you).

If John And his quirks are perfect for you, then say so, and believe so. Stand up for so. You're a grownup and really, only have to answer to you and your happiness.

If you're having doubts, don't put it on your friends. That's up to you to decide.

[Anonymous]

My friend says this about her OWN husband, in front of him. All the time. Like, he's not the best looking, he's soft, he's dorky. It's the worst. I think your situation isn't so bad.

[Anonymous]

Make new friends.

[Anonymous]

A few things:

1. If your husband has an "unusual" personality, you'll probably hear comments about it throughout your life. They should not be disrespectful comments, just that they are what they are. Stand firm, shrug them off, or make a quick (not nasty) decisive comment that you are firmly on your husband's side of awesomeness. Personally, I like dorky, and once I hit my 30s, I couldn't care less what anyone else thought about my preferences. Same for you!

2. If your friends are truly jerks, drop them. You don't have to be mean about it either. Just stop inviting them to so many things, don't hang on their every (or every other) word, and go about your business socializing with whomever else is at the party. The expectation of frequent and close companionship with them will eventually fade as you all find new people to fit into your lives. It is okay to let friendships go... It's a normal part of life. (I "broke up" with a friend who was so politically and theoretically polar to my own values that I found I grit my teeth every time I thought of hanging out with her. I wans't mean about it, I just had to move on for my own happiness. What does that say about me? Who knows. But I am glad I did it. She probably is, too.)

3. Don't try to change your husband. You know this, of course. He is who he is (so long as he's not disrespectful or hurting you). And you married him because you love his great qualities which are steadfast and constant. You found the right person for you. In the end, he's the one with whom you'll have the "best friendship" until you are very, very old. That's the one to invest in!

[Anonymous]

Say, "Yeah, but he has a ten inch tool." and smile. That will shut them up.