How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

How do people get married to someone that wouldn’t want to give the same to her child as he does for his own? As a parent your number one responsibility is to your kids and anyone who loves you would make them their first priority as well. Shouldn’t he want the best for her just like he does for his own kids? If he doesn’t then I really think that says something about his love for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He already pays for our house, utilities, food, I buy her clothes with his money, etc. etc."

He is providing the things that a parent usually provides. If her mother had remained single, she might have had difficulties providing these things. I am not sure that would have been a better outcome for the child.

If I was that kid I would have preferred wearing target hoodies in high school and qualifying for financial aid for college instead of wearing Patagonia in high school and being stuck with hundreds of thousands in debt for the rest of her life.

OR... you go to UMD with a bunch of other Patagonia wearing kids.

But that's not an option for OP's kid.

[Anonymous]

So her paternal half-siblings are treated much differently than she is? That hurts. That's on Dad but the DD is taking it on her mother. Op and DD's father should be willing to make some sacrifices or they will lose their daughter. DD's father sounds like he has other kids so he probably doesn't care (hence DD's anger) but Op, you should really rethink your position. This is so much bigger than just college and you need to start understanding this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He already pays for our house, utilities, food, I buy her clothes with his money, etc. etc."

He is providing the things that a parent usually provides. If her mother had remained single, she might have had difficulties providing these things. I am not sure that would have been a better outcome for the child.

If I was that kid I would have preferred wearing target hoodies in high school and qualifying for financial aid for college instead of wearing Patagonia in high school and being stuck with hundreds of thousands in debt for the rest of her life.

OR... you go to UMD with a bunch of other Patagonia wearing kids.

um, you clearly read just a first few pages and accepted OP's framing of the situation. in reality the DAUGHTER CAN'T GO DO UMD AND CAN'T TAKE LOANS TO GO TO UMD. and this is ENTIRELY due to her mother's new marriage. OP's daughter is essentially a case of extreme poverty. at this particular moment, she is residing with her mother, however, her mother is eager to kick her daughter to attend college that DAUGHTER CANNOT PAY FOR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So her paternal half-siblings are treated much differently than she is? That hurts. That's on Dad but the DD is taking it on her mother. Op and DD's father should be willing to make some sacrifices or they will lose their daughter. DD's father sounds like he has other kids so he probably doesn't care (hence DD's anger) but Op, you should really rethink your position. This is so much bigger than just college and you need to start understanding this.

actually this is fairly minor problem in this whole situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So her paternal half-siblings are treated much differently than she is? That hurts. That's on Dad but the DD is taking it on her mother. Op and DD's father should be willing to make some sacrifices or they will lose their daughter. DD's father sounds like he has other kids so he probably doesn't care (hence DD's anger) but Op, you should really rethink your position. This is so much bigger than just college and you need to start understanding this.

I think you misread. DD's father lives paycheck-to-paycheck and is not reliable. The new husband and his ex-wife make a lot of money are able to give their kids (DD's stepsiblings) the latest and greatest and also pay for them to attend fancy colleges. Mom's remarriage makes DD ineligible for need-based financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He already pays for our house, utilities, food, I buy her clothes with his money, etc. etc."

He is providing the things that a parent usually provides. If her mother had remained single, she might have had difficulties providing these things. I am not sure that would have been a better outcome for the child.

If I was that kid I would have preferred wearing target hoodies in high school and qualifying for financial aid for college instead of wearing Patagonia in high school and being stuck with hundreds of thousands in debt for the rest of her life.

OR... you go to UMD with a bunch of other Patagonia wearing kids.

What is so hard to understand about this situation? These responses show most people are very ignorant about how FAFSA works. Sure she could go to UMD but she would owe six figures of very high interest student loans to do it. She would not qualify for work study, she would not qualify for financial aid, nothing—because of her stepdad’s income. She is stuck with this financial reality until she turns 24. It does not matter if she’s claimed as a dependent on her parents taxes or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He already pays for our house, utilities, food, I buy her clothes with his money, etc. etc."

He is providing the things that a parent usually provides. If her mother had remained single, she might have had difficulties providing these things. I am not sure that would have been a better outcome for the child.

If I was that kid I would have preferred wearing target hoodies in high school and qualifying for financial aid for college instead of wearing Patagonia in high school and being stuck with hundreds of thousands in debt for the rest of her life.

OR... you go to UMD with a bunch of other Patagonia wearing kids.

But that's not an option for OP's kid.

Of course UMD is an option for OP's child, just like lots of other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He already pays for our house, utilities, food, I buy her clothes with his money, etc. etc."

He is providing the things that a parent usually provides. If her mother had remained single, she might have had difficulties providing these things. I am not sure that would have been a better outcome for the child.

If I was that kid I would have preferred wearing target hoodies in high school and qualifying for financial aid for college instead of wearing Patagonia in high school and being stuck with hundreds of thousands in debt for the rest of her life.

OR... you go to UMD with a bunch of other Patagonia wearing kids.

What is so hard to understand about this situation? These responses show most people are very ignorant about how FAFSA works. Sure she could go to UMD but she would owe six figures of very high interest student loans to do it. She would not qualify for work study, she would not qualify for financial aid, nothing—because of her stepdad’s income. She is stuck with this financial reality until she turns 24. It does not matter if she’s claimed as a dependent on her parents taxes or not.

Guess, what? Her mom is paying for Year 1. DD gets a job, this summer, next summer and during the school year. Mom and Deadbeat Dad contribute what they can. DD takes out the max (which has a low limit for the good of the kids) subsidized loan. Now, if there is a gap, Mom or Dad will be forced to sign PLUS loans (which will come to no where near the total that you are saying.) If the girl wants no personal loans, she can go to CC and do well and get a merit scholarship for her final two years at UMD.

I put myself through undergrad and four years of professional school and ended up with $120,000 in loans by 1993 with MUCH higher interest rates (try inflating that to see what it looks like). I have two kids in college right now, so I am very familiar with the options for financing college. This girl's life is not ruined and the people on this thread are delusional to caste so much shade at Mom.

[Anonymous]

OP should get a job to help pay for her DD’s tuition. Even a pretty low-paying job would help a lot considering Step-DH is covering her daily expenses so she could spend it all on her DD. She should have told her husband a few years ago that she needed to get a job (or 2nd job) since DD needed to cover tuition. Maybe he would have decided he liked having her at home and offered to throw some tuition money in so she wouldn’t have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He already pays for our house, utilities, food, I buy her clothes with his money, etc. etc."

He is providing the things that a parent usually provides. If her mother had remained single, she might have had difficulties providing these things. I am not sure that would have been a better outcome for the child.

If I was that kid I would have preferred wearing target hoodies in high school and qualifying for financial aid for college instead of wearing Patagonia in high school and being stuck with hundreds of thousands in debt for the rest of her life.

OR... you go to UMD with a bunch of other Patagonia wearing kids.

But that's not an option for OP's kid.

Of course UMD is an option for OP's child, just like lots of other kids.

no, it's not an option, unless her mother and stepfather help. she is not eligible for loans the way "poorer" kids are. did you not notice the topic is 30+ pages long? all that has already been explained in great detail multiple times already. these things just do not work the way you think they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do people get married to someone that wouldn’t want to give the same to her child as he does for his own? As a parent your number one responsibility is to your kids and anyone who loves you would make them their first priority as well. Shouldn’t he want the best for her just like he does for his own kids? If he doesn’t then I really think that says something about his love for you OP.

Because it is not his kids and THeIR father should be contributing. This should have been a red flag to DH that his dw ex is and he married a loser.

[Anonymous]

DD takes out the max (which has a low limit for the good of the kids) subsidized loan.

For the millionth time...DD is not eligible for subsidized loans because of her stepfather's income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He already pays for our house, utilities, food, I buy her clothes with his money, etc. etc."

He is providing the things that a parent usually provides. If her mother had remained single, she might have had difficulties providing these things. I am not sure that would have been a better outcome for the child.

If I was that kid I would have preferred wearing target hoodies in high school and qualifying for financial aid for college instead of wearing Patagonia in high school and being stuck with hundreds of thousands in debt for the rest of her life.

OR... you go to UMD with a bunch of other Patagonia wearing kids.

What is so hard to understand about this situation? These responses show most people are very ignorant about how FAFSA works. Sure she could go to UMD but she would owe six figures of very high interest student loans to do it. She would not qualify for work study, she would not qualify for financial aid, nothing—because of her stepdad’s income. She is stuck with this financial reality until she turns 24. It does not matter if she’s claimed as a dependent on her parents taxes or not.

Guess, what? Her mom is paying for Year 1. DD gets a job, this summer, next summer and during the school year. Mom and Deadbeat Dad contribute what they can. DD takes out the max (which has a low limit for the good of the kids) subsidized loan. Now, if there is a gap, Mom or Dad will be forced to sign PLUS loans (which will come to no where near the total that you are saying.) If the girl wants no personal loans, she can go to CC and do well and get a merit scholarship for her final two years at UMD.

I put myself through undergrad and four years of professional school and ended up with $120,000 in loans by 1993 with MUCH higher interest rates (try inflating that to see what it looks like). I have two kids in college right now, so I am very familiar with the options for financing college. This girl's life is not ruined and the people on this thread are delusional to caste so much shade at Mom.

There has been no evidence that "Mom and Deadbeat Dad" will "contribute what they can" or that they will take out any loans themselves. That is part of why people are angry. OP has said she expects DD to foot the bill entirely outside of the 30K...which rules out UMD, due to the low limit on kids' loans that you mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her the truth!

That you're currently engaged in a temporary legal situation where you entertain the genitals of some rich dude. His kids get whatever they want. Your kid gets the scraps, and nothing is expected from her deadbeat father. And tell her any money you make, if at all, just goes for your own pleasure, not for anything your only child needs or wants.

What's the problem?