Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

[Anonymous]

It's not just men. I have seen women on this board also say they are thinking of cheating or divorcing if their husbands stop having sex with them. Newsflash - marriage doesn't entitle you to sex and once you have kids, sex is no longer something you get in marriage. People need to learn to cope, you have kids now and that is your priority.

When you think about it, once you have the kids you want, there really is no point to sex anymore. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Free Childcare and Free Housekeeper Poster from a few weeks ago was correct! Don’t get divorced when you can well up the Family Guy, Great Home facade!

Another right on the money response. It's not about kids, it's about their ease of living and financial well being. Talking about kids makes it sound more palatable to both themselves and to others. If they really cared about their kids, they wouldn't chance them finding out about cheating and potentially losing a good relationship with them and also potentially losing their respect. All bs when they talk about kids: it's about free childcare, free housekeeper, keeping the money for themselves, and let's not forget keeping up the facade.

I am the one you are responding to. This isn't complicated.

What I want is a loving wife with whom I have at least a decent sexual connection. I had that for years but it slowly faded 10 years ago and we have been sexless for 3 years. I have brought it up repeatedly but nothing changes.

So my decisions are to divorce, split time with my kids, divide finances which will limit my ability to pay for college and limit my ability to retire earlier. Some of those are "selfish" but an equal amount is what's best for my kids.

Since I can't have that, yes, I risk cheating rather than proceeding straight to divorce so I can at least be somewhat sane. I understand there is a risk that the kids find out and are upset. I will do my best to mitigate the fallout, just as I would mitigate the fallout if we divorced.

I don't expect you to understand unless you tell me you were put into a sexless marriage for years, tried to fix it but were frozen out by a husband who refused to work with you. I wish you well.

1. Bringing it up repeatedly is not taking action to solve the problem.
2. If you think you cannot be “sane” without adulterous sex, have you been evaluated for a mental disorder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

DP but it’s more accurate to frame it as people who view sex as their due vs. people who view sex as a something they’re both responsible for in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

DP but it’s more accurate to frame it as people who view sex as their due vs. people who view sex as a something they’re both responsible for in a marriage.

I have always viewed sex as one of the essential parts of marriage, like love, kindness, companionship. No one dies without any of those, but it's not much of a marriage, at least to me. I understand no one is owed any of those things, and lots of people, apparently women in lesbian marriages, are content without sex.

I also know that no matter how much lecturing goes on in these threads that most people and men especially will end up cheating if they are denied at home. And as much as people love to blame porn, last I checked, cheating didn't start when the internet started.

My guess is these threads strike a nerve with betrayed wives who project their suffering on anonymous men. Understandable.

[Anonymous]

^ to be clear, I’m not a betrayed wife but still don’t understand why cheat. Ultimately, people cheat because of who they are, it’s not because of the situation they are in. It’s a false narrative that is perpetuated that the difference is between people who value sex vs. not, and not between people who value integrity and respect. In general, all you can do in life is control how you react to a situation after you’ve tried changing the situation as much as possible. How do you choose to react is your decision. Many choose not to cheat and so if you cheat, it’s because of who you are and your value system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just men. I have seen women on this board also say they are thinking of cheating or divorcing if their husbands stop having sex with them. Newsflash - marriage doesn't entitle you to sex and once you have kids, sex is no longer something you get in marriage. People need to learn to cope, you have kids now and that is your priority.

When you think about it, once you have the kids you want, there really is no point to sex anymore. Grow up!

More like when the H totally checks out from home, kid and spouse life. Then no holds bar!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

DP but it’s more accurate to frame it as people who view sex as their due vs. people who view sex as a something they’re both responsible for in a marriage.

Or those who feel sex is an frequent output of having a healthy and respectful marriage and partnership. That will lead to more of it, and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing at all these "but my kids!!!" guys.
You're thinking about your dick more than your children. No one believes you care about your kids.

This

They can’t even give three examples of something they did for their kids this week.
One guy counted merely seeing them in the house as his goal for not divorcing. What a dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just men. I have seen women on this board also say they are thinking of cheating or divorcing if their husbands stop having sex with them. Newsflash - marriage doesn't entitle you to sex and once you have kids, sex is no longer something you get in marriage. People need to learn to cope, you have kids now and that is your priority.

When you think about it, once you have the kids you want, there really is no point to sex anymore. Grow up!

More like when the H totally checks out from home, kid and spouse life. Then no holds bar!

Either way, divorcing or separating is the way to go. Not cheating. Cheating is on you. If you want an open marriage at least separate for goodness sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just men. I have seen women on this board also say they are thinking of cheating or divorcing if their husbands stop having sex with them. Newsflash - marriage doesn't entitle you to sex and once you have kids, sex is no longer something you get in marriage. People need to learn to cope, you have kids now and that is your priority.

When you think about it, once you have the kids you want, there really is no point to sex anymore. Grow up!

More like when the H totally checks out from home, kid and spouse life. Then no holds bar!

Either way, divorcing or separating is the way to go. Not cheating. Cheating is on you. If you want an open marriage at least separate for goodness sake.

Agree. We need to encourage divorce more. Society would be way more healthy if the divorce rate was 80% if it meant the cheating rate was low to zero. Kids can handle divorce and step-parents, even multiple divorces. Kids can never handle the thought that a parent cheated. EVIL!!

[Anonymous]

If sex is part of a healthy marriage, which I'm sure it is, as a society we need to be more open about exploring sexuality. Women need to be more in touch with what they want. A lot of mismatched marriages could be prevented if we paid more attention to what actually makes a happy marriage and put less emphasis on popping out kids by X age or achieving a socially recognized arrangement.

We also need to get better about having conversations BEFORE marriage about what kind of set up is going to make both partners happy longterm. Too many women enter into traditional gender roles and later discovered they feel burnt out and empty.

There's a lot we could do to make matches more efficient and lasting. If we really care about stable families for the purpose of raising children, we need to put the work in up front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

DP but it’s more accurate to frame it as people who view sex as their due vs. people who view sex as a something they’re both responsible for in a marriage.

I have always viewed sex as one of the essential parts of marriage, like love, kindness, companionship. No one dies without any of those, but it's not much of a marriage, at least to me. I understand no one is owed any of those things, and lots of people, apparently women in lesbian marriages, are content without sex.

I also know that no matter how much lecturing goes on in these threads that most people and men especially will end up cheating if they are denied at home. And as much as people love to blame porn, last I checked, cheating didn't start when the internet started.

My guess is these threads strike a nerve with betrayed wives who project their suffering on anonymous men. Understandable.

I'm not a betrayed wife. In fact, I never married --and have paid all of the social penalties as a single woman-- because I know that I am not suited to marriage. I know plenty of men who never married either, mostly artistic types who can't settle down and commit. Do you think none of them wanted children? Do you think none of them wouldn't like a stable home life to come back to when they're done touring? People make choices. Lots of men do nothing but sleep around and at some point decide to marry and start a family knowing full well that they're not going to be having as much sex anymore.

You guys just want it all and refuse to accept that almost no one has everything. You need to grow up and make some tough decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

DP but it’s more accurate to frame it as people who view sex as their due vs. people who view sex as a something they’re both responsible for in a marriage.

I have always viewed sex as one of the essential parts of marriage, like love, kindness, companionship. No one dies without any of those, but it's not much of a marriage, at least to me. I understand no one is owed any of those things, and lots of people, apparently women in lesbian marriages, are content without sex.

I also know that no matter how much lecturing goes on in these threads that most people and men especially will end up cheating if they are denied at home. And as much as people love to blame porn, last I checked, cheating didn't start when the internet started.

My guess is these threads strike a nerve with betrayed wives who project their suffering on anonymous men. Understandable.

I'm not a betrayed wife. In fact, I never married --and have paid all of the social penalties as a single woman-- because I know that I am not suited to marriage. I know plenty of men who never married either, mostly artistic types who can't settle down and commit. Do you think none of them wanted children? Do you think none of them wouldn't like a stable home life to come back to when they're done touring? People make choices. Lots of men do nothing but sleep around and at some point decide to marry and start a family knowing full well that they're not going to be having as much sex anymore.

You guys just want it all and refuse to accept that almost no one has everything. You need to grow up and make some tough decisions.

Also not a betrayed wife, I’m a woman with a healthy sex life. No one wants to hear that it doesn’t just happen BECAUSE and has to be an outcome of a healthy happy and equitable relationship. Men just find it easier to cheat than do laundry for some reason.