Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

DP but it’s more accurate to frame it as people who view sex as their due vs. people who view sex as a something they’re both responsible for in a marriage.

I have always viewed sex as one of the essential parts of marriage, like love, kindness, companionship. No one dies without any of those, but it's not much of a marriage, at least to me. I understand no one is owed any of those things, and lots of people, apparently women in lesbian marriages, are content without sex.

I also know that no matter how much lecturing goes on in these threads that most people and men especially will end up cheating if they are denied at home. And as much as people love to blame porn, last I checked, cheating didn't start when the internet started.

My guess is these threads strike a nerve with betrayed wives who project their suffering on anonymous men. Understandable.

I'm not a betrayed wife. In fact, I never married --and have paid all of the social penalties as a single woman-- because I know that I am not suited to marriage. I know plenty of men who never married either, mostly artistic types who can't settle down and commit. Do you think none of them wanted children? Do you think none of them wouldn't like a stable home life to come back to when they're done touring? People make choices. Lots of men do nothing but sleep around and at some point decide to marry and start a family knowing full well that they're not going to be having as much sex anymore.

You guys just want it all and refuse to accept that almost no one has everything. You need to grow up and make some tough decisions.

Also not a betrayed wife, I’m a woman with a healthy sex life. No one wants to hear that it doesn’t just happen BECAUSE and has to be an outcome of a healthy happy and equitable relationship. Men just find it easier to cheat than do laundry for some reason.

I'm also not a betrayed wife and I think decision to cheat is your decision and a reflection on you and not on the family/marriage life at home. Also the bolded statement is right on target!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

your sexual wants > kids having an intact family

A marriage license isn’t a suicide pact. If the wife checks out of the marriage to the extent of giving up sex, things happen. Cause, effect.

Exactly. If you don’t want to married to someone who doesn’t want to have sex, you get a divorce. Cause, effect.

You stay honest and keep your integrity.

Imagine describing your desire to have sex as your life, so that not having it when you want is suicide. You can thank 24/7 porn access for the impotent men furiously masturbating to the fantasy that someone, someday will put out anytime they want and their kids will definitely be fine.

People have always loved sex and people have always cheated.
But this attitude that men have that they will literally die if they don't have sex is relatively new. No one spoke about sex this way 25 years ago.
We have young men wasting their lives jerking off to po-n, and even if they manage to find a willing partner, they have no idea how to have sex in real life, and their equipment no longer works.
This is a real problem, and it's pathetic to see middle aged men behaving this way.

It's interesting you are on a thread specifically for men in sexless marriages and comparing them to men who demand 24/7 access.

But anyway, these threads are generally useless because it is always a debate between those who consider sex an essential part of marriage and an important part of a healthy life and those who don't. We know which camp you are in. It's ok, you would be fine in a sexless marriage if everything else was fine. A lot of people feel that way, especially women, apparently.

DP but it’s more accurate to frame it as people who view sex as their due vs. people who view sex as a something they’re both responsible for in a marriage.

I have always viewed sex as one of the essential parts of marriage, like love, kindness, companionship. No one dies without any of those, but it's not much of a marriage, at least to me. I understand no one is owed any of those things, and lots of people, apparently women in lesbian marriages, are content without sex.

I also know that no matter how much lecturing goes on in these threads that most people and men especially will end up cheating if they are denied at home. And as much as people love to blame porn, last I checked, cheating didn't start when the internet started.

My guess is these threads strike a nerve with betrayed wives who project their suffering on anonymous men. Understandable.

I'm not a betrayed wife. In fact, I never married --and have paid all of the social penalties as a single woman-- because I know that I am not suited to marriage. I know plenty of men who never married either, mostly artistic types who can't settle down and commit. Do you think none of them wanted children? Do you think none of them wouldn't like a stable home life to come back to when they're done touring? People make choices. Lots of men do nothing but sleep around and at some point decide to marry and start a family knowing full well that they're not going to be having as much sex anymore.

You guys just want it all and refuse to accept that almost no one has everything. You need to grow up and make some tough decisions.

So why are you commenting on a thread about sexless marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If sex is part of a healthy marriage, which I'm sure it is, as a society we need to be more open about exploring sexuality. Women need to be more in touch with what they want. A lot of mismatched marriages could be prevented if we paid more attention to what actually makes a happy marriage and put less emphasis on popping out kids by X age or achieving a socially recognized arrangement.

We also need to get better about having conversations BEFORE marriage about what kind of set up is going to make both partners happy longterm. Too many women enter into traditional gender roles and later discovered they feel burnt out and empty.

There's a lot we could do to make matches more efficient and lasting. If we really care about stable families for the purpose of raising children, we need to put the work in up front.

Many, many people are extremely sexually compatible and into sex .... until the body fails one of them, usually due to age. Sometime it can be fixed over time; sometimes it can't. A real marriage accepts this as a part of the circle of life together, and the end of PIV does not mean the end of intimacy. Intimacy is not always sexual either. We need to work on the commitment part of marriage and stop thinking nothing will ever change. Something always changes. People need to learn BEFORE marriage what "for better or worse" can really mean.

[Anonymous]

I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

This thread is depressing. I’m going to start cheating now to save my sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

As opposed to trying NOT to be an unf-able loser…? Maybe change yourself in some way to make yourself more attractive to your wife…?

No, no, you’re right. Just cheat. Waaaaay easier for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

If you’re an unf-able loser to your wife, what makes you think anyone else will want you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

If you’re an unf-able loser to your wife, what makes you think anyone else will want you?

Are you being serious? I have an AP so she does.

Honestly, part of the reason men like me cheat is because it's an ego boost

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

How have you tried to fix the situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I try to do more chores.

That's my love language right there -- acts of service.

I don't want massages, jewelry, going to dinners or vacation, but if you're carpooling the kids, vacuuming the dog hair or doing the dishes, I'll be all over you line a cheap suit!

Lucky my husband realizes this and can't help out enough, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

If you’re an unf-able loser to your wife, what makes you think anyone else will want you?

Are you being serious? I have an AP so she does.

Honestly, part of the reason men like me cheat is because it's an ego boost

I don’t see what’s so exciting about being desired by a damaged or deeply insecure woman, but okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

If you’re an unf-able loser to your wife, what makes you think anyone else will want you?

Are you being serious? I have an AP so she does.

Honestly, part of the reason men like me cheat is because it's an ego boost

I don’t see what’s so exciting about being desired by a damaged or deeply insecure woman, but okay.

Not really uncommon for a wife to get bored with her husband and another woman (no need for her to be damaged or insecure) to think he's f**kable. Goes to show that the wife's lack of interest isn't necessarily a reflection on the husband. It's not that the wife is being malicious either. She didn't chose to become less interested. Lack of novelty just works that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

If you’re an unf-able loser to your wife, what makes you think anyone else will want you?

Are you being serious? I have an AP so she does.

Honestly, part of the reason men like me cheat is because it's an ego boost

I don’t see what’s so exciting about being desired by a damaged or deeply insecure woman, but okay.

Name-calling aside, sometimes people in similar situations just fine each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are a lot less forgiving when their partner's body hasn't failed them. Just their brain. These discussions are less about medical issues of the body than they are about mental health issues.

Yep, if my wife had a medical reason, it's understandable. As it is, I am just an unf-able loser in her eyes.

This is what makes men cheat.

If you’re an unf-able loser to your wife, what makes you think anyone else will want you?

Are you being serious? I have an AP so she does.

Honestly, part of the reason men like me cheat is because it's an ego boost

I don’t see what’s so exciting about being desired by a damaged or deeply insecure woman, but okay.

Not really uncommon for a wife to get bored with her husband and another woman (no need for her to be damaged or insecure) to think he's f**kable. Goes to show that the wife's lack of interest isn't necessarily a reflection on the husband. It's not that the wife is being malicious either. She didn't chose to become less interested. Lack of novelty just works that way.

Exactly my situation. It's just some people aren't wired for monogamy but you don't know it until year 15 of marriage