is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Horrified. No way I'd want my kid getting married so young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Horrified. No way I'd want my kid getting married so young.

Not marrying then - meeting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

Nescac seems harder because it’s such a small pool. If you don’t like any of the 3000 people, you’re out of luck.

Disagree because the 50/50 gender ratio makes dating more likely than just hooking up. So do smaller classes with conversation and debate. The guys I know who go to Bowdoin and Williams are terrific. From awesome, social families.

Also, if you find no one appealing, attractive or worth getting to know better in a place with a thousand (give or take, and a 25% turnover every year) possible peer matches, maybe it’s a you problem? I am a rather choosy sort, but even I know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

On our tour of SLACs in the NE, every fourth or fifth boy on campus we saw was wearing a dress. I am not exaggerating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

Nescac seems harder because it’s such a small pool. If you don’t like any of the 3000 people, you’re out of luck.

Disagree because the 50/50 gender ratio makes dating more likely than just hooking up. So do smaller classes with conversation and debate. The guys I know who go to Bowdoin and Williams are terrific. From awesome, social families.

Also, if you find no one appealing, attractive or worth getting to know better in a place with a thousand (give or take, and a 25% turnover every year) possible peer matches, maybe it’s a you problem? I am a rather choosy sort, but even I know that.

50/50 of 5000 isn’t better than 55/45 with 40000 people. Not worse but not better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college. Online porn addiction is real and online dating apps have displaced old-school flirtation and asking a girl out.

Women can approach in the workplace…

It’s only issue one direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

+1
My slightly nerdy husband and I have been in a solid marriage for 20+ years. The athletes I dated are on their 2nd+ marriages.

The athletes got you when you were not as ran thru, younger and then got married then upgraded.

Your slightly nerdy husband got a used car and stuck with it thru the depreciation curve

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

On our tour of SLACs in the NE, every fourth or fifth boy on campus we saw was wearing a dress. I am not exaggerating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

+1
My slightly nerdy husband and I have been in a solid marriage for 20+ years. The athletes I dated are on their 2nd+ marriages.

The athletes got you when you were not as ran thru, younger and then got married then upgraded.

Your slightly nerdy husband got a used car and stuck with it thru the depreciation curve

This would sound offensive in a previous decade.

But now it just identifies you as a certain type

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

NP. I think the bigger reason things do not tend to work out for these women is most of them struggle with mental illness, as studies have shown.

What are you saying? Please post links to these "studies."
I work with medical residents and many of the women resident physicians are single, attractive, brilliant, close to 30 and have a terrifically hard time meeting men and none of them are mentally ill. It's the same every year so isn't unique to one class of residents. If you gave me a piece of paper right now I could write down 30 names that fit this description.

It's very, very, very hard to meet men in 2025 if you are a highly educated woman in your later 20s or early 30s.

If there's one piece of advice I can give to college young women who are interested in marriage it's to not postpone dating until post college.
Sure, it works for some but it works for far fewer women in 2025 than it did when we (moms in our late 40s, early 50s) were in our youth.

I can confirm this. My wife and I were surgical residents together and are now practice in academic settings with residents. It's been wonderful to see extremely talented women go down the surgery path, and I love seeing photos of "all women cases" where everyone in the room is a woman. But its hard for many of them to pair up because their male counterparts are often already in relationships, more interested in dating nurses etc. No one blinks an eye at the latter, but there there is a double standard in the hospital if one of our female residents dates a male nurse or a radiology technician. Even dating non-surgeon medical residents has an odd dynamic (for some insecure guys), so not as common as one might think. Looking backwards, a striking number of female co-residents for my wife never got married, which is tragic because these women are truly amazing as people (not just as surgeons). My kids have a lot of aunts...

Medical community's biggest problem is obsession with inbreeding. They'll be better off being more open minded and expanding their lives. Self segregation isn't serving their majority.

Another observation is that, educated and well earning men (straight or gay) are more open to partners with less education or income but similar level women develop delusion of grandeur and only consider equal or higher. If they are with such partners, they get rid of them once finished with training and don't need support.

[Anonymous]

In every other field, it's considered unprofessional and unethical to have romantic relationships with colleagues. You don't $hit where you eat isn't practiced by medical community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

So are Asian students dating and finding potential mates


This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."

Asians have had to deal with their daughters bringing home white guys for a while now.

Um, it’s whites having to deal with their sons bringing Asian girls

It's more like close minded parents of all races having to deal with their kids being more openminded and not using racists criteria to limit who they become friends with or have romantic relationships.

[Anonymous]

No matter which school or grad school or work company your kid is at, most dating happens through online apps now so everyone has access to everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

NP. I think the bigger reason things do not tend to work out for these women is most of them struggle with mental illness, as studies have shown.

What are you saying? Please post links to these "studies."
I work with medical residents and many of the women resident physicians are single, attractive, brilliant, close to 30 and have a terrifically hard time meeting men and none of them are mentally ill. It's the same every year so isn't unique to one class of residents. If you gave me a piece of paper right now I could write down 30 names that fit this description.

It's very, very, very hard to meet men in 2025 if you are a highly educated woman in your later 20s or early 30s.

If there's one piece of advice I can give to college young women who are interested in marriage it's to not postpone dating until post college.
Sure, it works for some but it works for far fewer women in 2025 than it did when we (moms in our late 40s, early 50s) were in our youth.

I can confirm this. My wife and I were surgical residents together and are now practice in academic settings with residents. It's been wonderful to see extremely talented women go down the surgery path, and I love seeing photos of "all women cases" where everyone in the room is a woman. But its hard for many of them to pair up because their male counterparts are often already in relationships, more interested in dating nurses etc. No one blinks an eye at the latter, but there there is a double standard in the hospital if one of our female residents dates a male nurse or a radiology technician. Even dating non-surgeon medical residents has an odd dynamic (for some insecure guys), so not as common as one might think. Looking backwards, a striking number of female co-residents for my wife never got married, which is tragic because these women are truly amazing as people (not just as surgeons). My kids have a lot of aunts...

Medical community's biggest problem is obsession with inbreeding. They'll be better off being more open minded and expanding their lives. Self segregation isn't serving their majority.

Another observation is that, educated and well earning men (straight or gay) are more open to partners with less education or income but similar level women develop delusion of grandeur and only consider equal or higher. If they are with such partners, they get rid of them once finished with training and don't need support.

Ha. I like how you blamed the women when you know many of those men are too insecure to be with a spouse who is higher earning and has a more prestigious job. That is a huge part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

NP. I think the bigger reason things do not tend to work out for these women is most of them struggle with mental illness, as studies have shown.

What are you saying? Please post links to these "studies."
I work with medical residents and many of the women resident physicians are single, attractive, brilliant, close to 30 and have a terrifically hard time meeting men and none of them are mentally ill. It's the same every year so isn't unique to one class of residents. If you gave me a piece of paper right now I could write down 30 names that fit this description.

It's very, very, very hard to meet men in 2025 if you are a highly educated woman in your later 20s or early 30s.

If there's one piece of advice I can give to college young women who are interested in marriage it's to not postpone dating until post college.
Sure, it works for some but it works for far fewer women in 2025 than it did when we (moms in our late 40s, early 50s) were in our youth.

I can confirm this. My wife and I were surgical residents together and are now practice in academic settings with residents. It's been wonderful to see extremely talented women go down the surgery path, and I love seeing photos of "all women cases" where everyone in the room is a woman. But its hard for many of them to pair up because their male counterparts are often already in relationships, more interested in dating nurses etc. No one blinks an eye at the latter, but there there is a double standard in the hospital if one of our female residents dates a male nurse or a radiology technician. Even dating non-surgeon medical residents has an odd dynamic (for some insecure guys), so not as common as one might think. Looking backwards, a striking number of female co-residents for my wife never got married, which is tragic because these women are truly amazing as people (not just as surgeons). My kids have a lot of aunts...

Medical community's biggest problem is obsession with inbreeding. They'll be better off being more open minded and expanding their lives. Self segregation isn't serving their majority.

Another observation is that, educated and well earning men (straight or gay) are more open to partners with less education or income but similar level women develop delusion of grandeur and only consider equal or higher. If they are with such partners, they get rid of them once finished with training and don't need support.

Ha. I like how you blamed the women when you know many of those men are too insecure to be with a spouse who is higher earning and has a more prestigious job. That is a huge part of it.

NP. I also think that if the wife is going to take on the majority of the domestic labor (spoiler alert: she will), it is more than reasonable to seek a husband who has strong earning potential.