is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

On our tour of SLACs in the NE, every fourth or fifth boy on campus we saw was wearing a dress. I am not exaggerating.

Which SLACs? We didn’t see any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

No dating: UVA, Michigan

My ds at a CA state school (who never dated in HS) has a girlfriend and I know a few of his friends are in relationships as well.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

On our tour of SLACs in the NE, every fourth or fifth boy on campus we saw was wearing a dress. I am not exaggerating.

Which SLACs? We didn’t see any.

Maybe it was a special event

[Anonymous]

toured ALL the northeast slacs and didn't that once.

did see it at Brown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or is that outdated now? it seems much less common than it was, say 30 years ago.
If you are, is it worth making sure their school is the right fit for it and if not, transfer?

Currently have a HS senior interested in big rah rah and greek life...

I'm definitely concerned about their spouse. Compared to marriage, where they go to college is peanuts.
But this might be one of those things you just have to hold on tight, keep your mouth shut and hope your kid learned something from you when you still had some influence.
But the himbos she brings around makes me nervous.

[Anonymous]

If you have a kid at an elite school, this is the best opportunity for them to find a like minded spouse…..once you hit 30….good luck….you will likely marry a loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college. Online porn addiction is real and online dating apps have displaced old-school flirtation and asking a girl out.

Women can approach in the workplace…

It’s only issue one direction.

+1. Men who approach women can (sometimes do; I have seen it happen) get accused of sexual harassment. Women safely can approach men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long, but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college.

Writing as a guy, the big problem is that the messaging to guys at college and in the workplace now stresses avoiding sexual harassment accusations. So at least some guys, probably many guys, tread very very carefully about asking a girl out. I am told it did not used to be this way.

Gals can ask a guy out with any risk of a sexual harassment accusation, by contrast, at college or in the workplace. Gals who pick their guys will have more guys to choose from than gals who wait to be asked. The early bird gets the worm.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the Midwest and many young people in my circle have met their spouse while in college. These couples are waiting for a few years after college to actually marry though. My own adult children have said meeting people at college is much easier than post college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

Unfortunately, porn fills the void for many young guys. So unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

On our tour of SLACs in the NE, every fourth or fifth boy on campus we saw was wearing a dress. I am not exaggerating.

Haha. Suure they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my wife at an elite college. We wanted to have a big family ASAP, so we got married immediately after graduation and had a bunch of kids over ten years. If your kid is at college and finds the person they know they want to have children with, it would be dumb not to seal the deal. But it’s not for everyone, just those who want to get right down to the business of raising a family. You should know your kid well enough to sense whether or not they are cut out for early parenthood. And yes, knowing that we were backstopped by a lot of family money — such that it was inconceivable that our kids would ever suffer deprivation — gave us confidence.

And how many college kids have that bubble of privilege?

[Anonymous]

My college freshman daughter has asked a few guys for coffee/breakfast this year and they have said no.
The latest was this week and they guy basically said he was busy and would be busy 'all month."

She's lovely, thin, smart, well dressed, etc.
I have no idea what's wrong. She has no trouble making female friends, has a great group who are also lovely.
She's about to give up entirely. I joke to myself that maybe she should date women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college freshman daughter has asked a few guys for coffee/breakfast this year and they have said no.
The latest was this week and they guy basically said he was busy and would be busy 'all month."

She's lovely, thin, smart, well dressed, etc.
I have no idea what's wrong. She has no trouble making female friends, has a great group who are also lovely.
She's about to give up entirely. I joke to myself that maybe she should date women.

I feel like there is more to this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college. Online porn addiction is real and online dating apps have displaced old-school flirtation and asking a girl out.

Women can approach in the workplace…

It’s only issue one direction.

+1. Men who approach women can (sometimes do; I have seen it happen) get accused of sexual harassment. Women safely can approach men.

Yeah. It's because men can and do kill women sometimes.