is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dcums are going to have to accept one of these things for their umc white kids…

…they either bring someone home of similar or higher ses, but is a diffent race

…or they bring someone home of a similar race but lower ses

…or they are going to stay single and not have grandkids for you

The # of high ses white kids that will stay high ses in the north east or west coast is not high enough in numbers for everyone to pair off.

Why are you just directing this at white families? Plenty of parents of ALL races and backgrounds will have to adjust to the same things. Their kids aren’t necessarily going to marry within their own race or SES. And many immigrants expect their kids to do just that.

I think because the Asian kids will have plenty of each other to pair off with, and generally do. That leaves the UMC white kids with a very small dating pool.

White guy Asian gal couples are super common

Sure, but it isn’t common to see white women dating Asian men. At least not with the same frequency as the other way around. If you are a white UMC woman looking to find a white UMC man at college, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dcums are going to have to accept one of these things for their umc white kids…

…they either bring someone home of similar or higher ses, but is a diffent race

…or they bring someone home of a similar race but lower ses

…or they are going to stay single and not have grandkids for you

The # of high ses white kids that will stay high ses in the north east or west coast is not high enough in numbers for everyone to pair off.

Why are you just directing this at white families? Plenty of parents of ALL races and backgrounds will have to adjust to the same things. Their kids aren’t necessarily going to marry within their own race or SES. And many immigrants expect their kids to do just that.

I think because the Asian kids will have plenty of each other to pair off with, and generally do. That leaves the UMC white kids with a very small dating pool.

White guy Asian gal couples are super common

Welcome to the 1990s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

Then by all means, have your daughter marry the confident Alabama guy….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

NP. I think the bigger reason things do not tend to work out for these women is most of them struggle with mental illness, as studies have shown.

What are you saying? Please post links to these "studies."
I work with medical residents and many of the women resident physicians are single, attractive, brilliant, close to 30 and have a terrifically hard time meeting men and none of them are mentally ill. It's the same every year so isn't unique to one class of residents. If you gave me a piece of paper right now I could write down 30 names that fit this description.

It's very, very, very hard to meet men in 2025 if you are a highly educated woman in your later 20s or early 30s.

If there's one piece of advice I can give to college young women who are interested in marriage it's to not postpone dating until post college.
Sure, it works for some but it works for far fewer women in 2025 than it did when we (moms in our late 40s, early 50s) were in our youth.

I can confirm this. My wife and I were surgical residents together and are now practice in academic settings with residents. It's been wonderful to see extremely talented women go down the surgery path, and I love seeing photos of "all women cases" where everyone in the room is a woman. But its hard for many of them to pair up because their male counterparts are often already in relationships, more interested in dating nurses etc. No one blinks an eye at the latter, but there there is a double standard in the hospital if one of our female residents dates a male nurse or a radiology technician. Even dating non-surgeon medical residents has an odd dynamic (for some insecure guys), so not as common as one might think. Looking backwards, a striking number of female co-residents for my wife never got married, which is tragic because these women are truly amazing as people (not just as surgeons). My kids have a lot of aunts...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone add NESCAC’s to their list instead of state schools?

Yes, my daughter's friends at NESCACs have been dating. No dating going on at the state schools at all (my child and many friends are at them) except for probably some drunk hook-ups but my kid not involved. Hasn't even been propositioned or anything for what it's worth.

Which schools? Does she regret her choice? Would she transfer?

[Anonymous]

How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

Nescac seems harder because it’s such a small pool. If you don’t like any of the 3000 people, you’re out of luck.

[Anonymous]

I am not a huge fan of greek life, but admit I had a great time with it in college. Went to a large midwest public. So many friends that dated in college, got married, and are still together. Is this not happening anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it possible there is no dating going on in these huge state schools with all kinds of people?

I don't get it.

Are the kids not dating in HS either?

No dating: UVA, Michigan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated

Accurate. Geeky boy Ivy types do just fine in their 30s. But they also tend to be nicer guys. Get them in college and they will be great husbands. These guys will ultimately do well either way. But for women, things often do not work out.

The popular Ivy type guys with early confidence are the ones who leave their wives in their 30s and 40s for younger women; they are the ones who develop midlife crises and seek the glory days. We have all seen this many times…

No, its a mixed bag and geeky types can develop midlife crises and divorce to date younger, while popular guys can be devoted for life. You really cant make that broad judgment when there are other things that correlate a lot more.

Sigh. Think of the shy, geeky smart boys you knew in your elite college.
Think of the confident male players.
Fast forward 20 years.
Which group, in general, made better husbands?
Not. Even. Close.
If this is not obvious to you, it is because these were not your circles.

I have to agree with this

I think the percentage of men at elite colleges that could be described as “confident male players” is extremely small

You think the rich, smart, networked, successful male cohort at elite colleges is small?

Mkay.

[Anonymous]

I hope my daughter dates/meets a great guy in college. She is a super smart girl with ambition and currently attends an ivy. She wants to date and have a committed relationship and I support that. I focused on my career and married/had kids later. Didn't plan to wait so long but dating in your mid/late 30's was hard and its more difficult today. I currently know too many beautiful, smart, and personable single women today who can't meet guys. Workplace frowns upon dating due to risks of harassment and online dating is awful. Older sons met their partners in college and they have healthy, stable relationships. i am hoping the same for our daughter. Have heard from other college moms that dating/meeting boys is tough in college. Online porn addiction is real and online dating apps have displaced old-school flirtation and asking a girl out.

[Anonymous]

My DD is super happy at state school, but my friend’s DD is more concerned and wants a more elite cozy atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

Where are the students attractive? We saw mostly bookish types in the top 10 campuses we visited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are the students attractive? We saw mostly bookish types in the top 10 campuses we visited.

Bookish can be attractive in certain people.

Now if you mean someone who has an active Insta page with lots of followers,.maybe look south