50/50 split of assets with SAHM

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

DP. No, the high earners do not do this. They move their family to the burbs and are gone from 7am-8:30pm. Their version of being an “involved dad” is leaving the office at 7pm once a week to (barely) make it home for bedtime. It’s clear you don’t understand these lifestyles, which is totally fine. I wish I didn’t because it is actually very depressing to see up close.

The only exception I know of to this is one law partner who found a freakishly low-hours niche.

Nope.

They may leave at 6am work 7-4, home by 5… run kids around, coach, make dinner, do bedtime routine.

Back online from 9-11.

It’s really not all that hard/uncommon.

Builders often are off by 3pm… then do paperwork after bedtime.

Comm real estate is the high yield slacker job, lax dads.

Sales is not seeing clients after 4 since clients need to get home.

Lots of boomers and gen x have no idea how the world works today.

Finance… they never work late their analysts might
You sound like you only know big law.

Somehow I don’t think you actually know any IB/law partners.

The pp obviously has never worked or been around IB/big law or in high level real estate. Real estate development is not low key lax bros, not the guys doing the billion dollar developments earning millions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

Yeah. I think this is more about finding someone willing to do it than the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

DP. No, the high earners do not do this. They move their family to the burbs and are gone from 7am-8:30pm. Their version of being an “involved dad” is leaving the office at 7pm once a week to (barely) make it home for bedtime. It’s clear you don’t understand these lifestyles, which is totally fine. I wish I didn’t because it is actually very depressing to see up close.

The only exception I know of to this is one law partner who found a freakishly low-hours niche.

Nope.

They may leave at 6am work 7-4, home by 5… run kids around, coach, make dinner, do bedtime routine.

Back online from 9-11.

It’s really not all that hard/uncommon.

Builders often are off by 3pm… then do paperwork after bedtime.

Comm real estate is the high yield slacker job, lax dads.

Sales is not seeing clients after 4 since clients need to get home.

Lots of boomers and gen x have no idea how the world works today.

Finance… they never work late their analysts might
You sound like you only know big law.

Somehow I don’t think you actually know any IB/law partners.

The pp obviously has never worked or been around IB/big law or in high level real estate. Real estate development is not low key lax bros, not the guys doing the billion dollar developments earning millions.

You can’t go to a lax game without being tortured talking to a few.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is fair in cases where the husband made all the money and the wife stayed home with the kids? Net worth of around 10 million, 3 kids who are grown or teens, 20 year marriage.

Wife is fighting for a 50% split plus alimony. Hasn’t worked in over 17 years.

She’s not getting alimony but I don’t think she should get 50% of the money. Maybe 10-20% so she is not destitute but even that is generous.

Give her half and be done with it. It will save you time and money otherwise lawyers fees and court costs may leave you with a lot less $$ !

My uncle tried to give his ex wife half but she wanted more plus alimony. She lawyered up and by the time it ended they went through millions in costs to lawyers, etc. He had to move in with his mother and his ex got half of what was left, lawyers fees, and alimony!

Luckily, she remarried quickly so the alimony payments stopped. They were married 20 years and she was a SAHM for 18 of those years in a non community property state! She also allegedly cheated for years. If she had just taken half from the get-go they both would have had more money because by the time the split what was left and her alimony it was less due to lawyers costs.

Another friends husband tried to do this and hide the money. Her attorney put liens on his properties and businesses. She didn’t get half but still got millions and he ended up loosing tons to lawyers and his new side piece who he gave half of his businesses too.

She raised your kids and dealt the house, would you be as successful without her? No. How many ideas did you discuss with her? Was she your therapist?

My spouse is successful and travels a ton for work, so I had to cut down what I do career wise so I could be around for our kids. We don’t have family close by. If he pulled this shit I would hire a lawyer and take him to the cleaners.

Be decent and give her half. If you don’t want to give her half then give her 4.9 million or something.

[Anonymous]

DH is a very high earner. He would absolutely be successful without me. It is just who he is. He is very smart and works really hard. What he could not have without me is a family that is relaxed and happy and gets to do lots of fun things. I am 100% in charge of the house, kids, bills, vacations, money, and everything else. He certainly contributes when he can, but I am the default and everyone is clear about it. I left biglaw to stay home with the kids because having 2 high level jobs was not sustainable once we had more than one child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

Good luck finding someone who will do this. I have plenty of friends who have Au pair’s or full time nannies for their older kids in school because it’s nearly impossible to find someone reliable to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is fair in cases where the husband made all the money and the wife stayed home with the kids? Net worth of around 10 million, 3 kids who are grown or teens, 20 year marriage.

Wife is fighting for a 50% split plus alimony. Hasn’t worked in over 17 years.

She’s not getting alimony but I don’t think she should get 50% of the money. Maybe 10-20% so she is not destitute but even that is generous.

Give her half and be done with it. It will save you time and money otherwise lawyers fees and court costs may leave you with a lot less $$ !

My uncle tried to give his ex wife half but she wanted more plus alimony. She lawyered up and by the time it ended they went through millions in costs to lawyers, etc. He had to move in with his mother and his ex got half of what was left, lawyers fees, and alimony!

Luckily, she remarried quickly so the alimony payments stopped. They were married 20 years and she was a SAHM for 18 of those years in a non community property state! She also allegedly cheated for years. If she had just taken half from the get-go they both would have had more money because by the time the split what was left and her alimony it was less due to lawyers costs.

Another friends husband tried to do this and hide the money. Her attorney put liens on his properties and businesses. She didn’t get half but still got millions and he ended up loosing tons to lawyers and his new side piece who he gave half of his businesses too.

She raised your kids and dealt the house, would you be as successful without her? No. How many ideas did you discuss with her? Was she your therapist?

My spouse is successful and travels a ton for work, so I had to cut down what I do career wise so I could be around for our kids. We don’t have family close by. If he pulled this shit I would hire a lawyer and take him to the cleaners.

Be decent and give her half. If you don’t want to give her half then give her 4.9 million or something.

This is a great summary of the last 400 posts .

Bravo, pp.

[Anonymous]

At one point you loved this person and they are the mother of your kids. You were together a long time. Give her half, wish her well, and move on. Invest your $5 million and go live your life and if you need make more $. Life is short and you can’t take it with you when you die anyway.

Don’t waste your life fighting your ex over money she deserves. Because it could end up worse for you, you could have to pay half and attorney fees and alimony. Just saying.

Sitting here writing online isn’t helping anyone least of all you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is a very high earner. He would absolutely be successful without me. It is just who he is. He is very smart and works really hard. What he could not have without me is a family that is relaxed and happy and gets to do lots of fun things. I am 100% in charge of the house, kids, bills, vacations, money, and everything else. He certainly contributes when he can, but I am the default and everyone is clear about it. I left biglaw to stay home with the kids because having 2 high level jobs was not sustainable once we had more than one child.

He would be successful *at work* but wouldn’t be successful in any other domain of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

Well, it’s not my husband. It’s my father and my work colleagues.

I mean, my friend who went back to work when her infant was in the NICU took time off when her infant came home. She isn’t a monster. She’s just very pragmatic.

I don’t know why you are saying that this isn’t true. Do you work with or live with anyone making a million a year?