50/50 split of assets with SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

Well, it’s not my husband. It’s my father and my work colleagues.

I mean, my friend who went back to work when her infant was in the NICU took time off when her infant came home. She isn’t a monster. She’s just very pragmatic.

I don’t know why you are saying that this isn’t true. Do you work with or live with anyone making a million a year?

DP. I’m sure there are plenty of people who consider themselves successful with good hours and flexibility. I don’t think they know what it takes to earn millions. There is a very big difference between earning 400k and $3m.

My DH has to be on top of his game to pull in the millions. His schedule is unpredictable. He is very hands on when he is home. We just don’t know when he will be home and even when he is home, we don’t know when he has to jump on a call or work in the office vs watch a movie with us or drive a kid to sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

DP. It absolutely is true, just by sheer dint of the number of hours they have to work. Banks and Big Law do not care if you just delivered a baby, buried your parent, or are falling-down ill yourself. You work for that kind of salary. These dudes will certainly pat themselves on the back for getting home at 8pm one night a week to put the kids to bed, or coaching one season of little league. But make no doubt, they are spending minimal time with their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

Well, it’s not my husband. It’s my father and my work colleagues.

I mean, my friend who went back to work when her infant was in the NICU took time off when her infant came home. She isn’t a monster. She’s just very pragmatic.

I don’t know why you are saying that this isn’t true. Do you work with or live with anyone making a million a year?

DP. I’m sure there are plenty of people who consider themselves successful with good hours and flexibility. I don’t think they know what it takes to earn millions. There is a very big difference between earning 400k and $3m.

My DH has to be on top of his game to pull in the millions. His schedule is unpredictable. He is very hands on when he is home. We just don’t know when he will be home and even when he is home, we don’t know when he has to jump on a call or work in the office vs watch a movie with us or drive a kid to sports.

thanks for being honest! I hope your DH appreciates you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

Well, it’s not my husband. It’s my father and my work colleagues.

I mean, my friend who went back to work when her infant was in the NICU took time off when her infant came home. She isn’t a monster. She’s just very pragmatic.

I don’t know why you are saying that this isn’t true. Do you work with or live with anyone making a million a year?

I agree with you. People who are in demanding high income jobs will even work when sick, they'll just work from home. They'll work from their hospital bed after giving birth and during vacations. Inconveniences are not suffered, regardless of others looking down on them for it. That's why they progress in their fields.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it? I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it? I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.

The group I see divorce most frequently is when the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is the default parent. The man seems emasculated and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it? I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.

I don’t know. Had a nice home life. Didn’t get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely.

Half the assets, but no alimony.

I’d rather pay alimony - 5k a month or something - than give her 5 million dollars!!!!

She did nothing to earn this money.

Troll post. Why would someone worth that amount of money be posting this stupid question here of all places? The answer they wouldn’t because they wouldn’t care to know your opinion.

Plus alimony on that sum would be more like 50k+ a month for life.

[Anonymous]

It is fair, maybe not 50/50 but he should maybe give 30 that’s generous. She took care of the children and raised them so that is work in itself that even any amount of money can’t be paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he pulled this shit I would hire a lawyer and take him to the cleaners.

HAHA! no you wouldn’t. You think that, but you wouldn’t get shit.

[Anonymous]

It’s obvious a lot of people in this thread have absolutely no idea how hard it is to be the default parent 100% of the time.

If my H and I got divorced I would absolutely expect to be fairly compensated. Because I do everything except the money part.
1.cook
2. Clean
3. Coordinate and am here for every service appointment/repair
4. Coordinate and take our kids to every single appointment/school function. Fun fact-my spouse doesn’t even know who our kids go to besides their pediatrician. And he only knows that because he came to the first appointment when our first child was born.
5. Do all the shopping. Food, supplies, kids clothes, toiletries (including my husbands) etc…
6. Keep the mental load of 100% of everything.
7. Take my kids to all activities/friend’s houses etc…
Although I work a little as well, My job has to be 100% flexible as I literally never know when I will get a call that one of my kids is sick etc…I am home for every day they have off from school/half days etc…if we were to divorce I would have lost years and years of career advancement when he didn’t. That’s a thing and it’s absolutely recognized by the legal system. So there is no “you won’t get shit” about it. That’s simply not how it works and for good reason. I’m thankful I have the kind of career that I can go back to and be successful but not every woman has that (they should always have a back up plan but they don’t).

Even on the weekends it’s me. It’s always me. And it’s exhausting. So save it. Default parenting is hard AF and it is a JOB.

One of my kid’s teachers thought I was a single mom for the entire year one year because she never saw my husband. Not once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a very high earner. He would absolutely be successful without me. It is just who he is. He is very smart and works really hard. What he could not have without me is a family that is relaxed and happy and gets to do lots of fun things. I am 100% in charge of the house, kids, bills, vacations, money, and everything else. He certainly contributes when he can, but I am the default and everyone is clear about it. I left biglaw to stay home with the kids because having 2 high level jobs was not sustainable once we had more than one child.

He would be successful *at work* but wouldn’t be successful in any other domain of life.

lol imagine your daughter says “I’m marrying a successful man”, and then it turns out he’s successful in every domain of life except work. Like, he’s poor and will stay poor. Would you call him successful? So, of course successful means successful at work! What other kind of success is there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a very high earner. He would absolutely be successful without me. It is just who he is. He is very smart and works really hard. What he could not have without me is a family that is relaxed and happy and gets to do lots of fun things. I am 100% in charge of the house, kids, bills, vacations, money, and everything else. He certainly contributes when he can, but I am the default and everyone is clear about it. I left biglaw to stay home with the kids because having 2 high level jobs was not sustainable once we had more than one child.

He would be successful *at work* but wouldn’t be successful in any other domain of life.

lol imagine your daughter says “I’m marrying a successful man”, and then it turns out he’s successful in every domain of life except work. Like, he’s poor and will stay poor. Would you call him successful? So, of course successful means successful at work! What other kind of success is there?

My daughter has a trust fund so if she’s happy, I’m happy. She can marry and artist or a surfer or whatever and have the life she wants. Not all types of fulfillment are financially lucrative. Honestly most are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a very high earner. He would absolutely be successful without me. It is just who he is. He is very smart and works really hard. What he could not have without me is a family that is relaxed and happy and gets to do lots of fun things. I am 100% in charge of the house, kids, bills, vacations, money, and everything else. He certainly contributes when he can, but I am the default and everyone is clear about it. I left biglaw to stay home with the kids because having 2 high level jobs was not sustainable once we had more than one child.

He would be successful *at work* but wouldn’t be successful in any other domain of life.

lol imagine your daughter says “I’m marrying a successful man”, and then it turns out he’s successful in every domain of life except work. Like, he’s poor and will stay poor. Would you call him successful? So, of course successful means successful at work! What other kind of success is there?

This is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

Well, it’s not my husband. It’s my father and my work colleagues.

I mean, my friend who went back to work when her infant was in the NICU took time off when her infant came home. She isn’t a monster. She’s just very pragmatic.

I don’t know why you are saying that this isn’t true. Do you work with or live with anyone making a million a year?

Yes, and more than that. Which is why I know that the excuse of salary is really just that, a way to check out of family life.