50/50 split of assets with SAHM

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

Well, it’s not my husband. It’s my father and my work colleagues.

I mean, my friend who went back to work when her infant was in the NICU took time off when her infant came home. She isn’t a monster. She’s just very pragmatic.

I don’t know why you are saying that this isn’t true. Do you work with or live with anyone making a million a year?

I agree with you. People who are in demanding high income jobs will even work when sick, they'll just work from home. They'll work from their hospital bed after giving birth and during vacations. Inconveniences are not suffered, regardless of others looking down on them for it. That's why they progress in their fields.

Some people are like that, but there are plenty of extremely high earners that are not. And those that are like that often have the most messed up kids because those kids know how low of a priority they are.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it? I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.

I don’t know. Had a nice home life. Didn’t get divorced.

This sounds amazing. Good for you op.

[Anonymous]

The people who actually think it's *always* fair for a SAHM to get 50% are insane. There are so many lazy, useless SAHMs who have screwed up kids and use their time to fulfill their own selfish ambitions/desires with no regard to helping with family finances or otherwise doing anything other than keep their kids alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

Quite the opposite. The man cold is real. Real good dads do take sick days for their kids. What is sad is because you don’t know any men like this (including your H) you think it’s normal, it’s not.

I know lots of men and women who take sick days for their kids. I’m not saying that it’s normal to never take a sick day. Normal men and women do this all of the time.

What I’m saying is that the people who are at the top of their profession and making a ton of money don’t do this. The woman making $800k/yr is the woman who comes back to work while her infant is in the NICU because there is no point in sitting around the hospital all day.
The guy making this amount doesn’t take off work because his kid is sick.

These people are married to partners who either SAH or work PT and pick up all of the slack with the kids.

I know you desperately want to believe this because you want to excuse your disinterested husband’s lack of concern for his kids, but it is simply not true.

Well, it’s not my husband. It’s my father and my work colleagues.

I mean, my friend who went back to work when her infant was in the NICU took time off when her infant came home. She isn’t a monster. She’s just very pragmatic.

I don’t know why you are saying that this isn’t true. Do you work with or live with anyone making a million a year?

I agree with you. People who are in demanding high income jobs will even work when sick, they'll just work from home. They'll work from their hospital bed after giving birth and during vacations. Inconveniences are not suffered, regardless of others looking down on them for it. That's why they progress in their fields.

Some people are like that, but there are plenty of extremely high earners that are not. And those that are like that often have the most messed up kids because those kids know how low of a priority they are.

I've never understood people who get to $10m+ net worth and continue grinding like their circumstances have not changed at all. At some point, workaholism becomes 100% mental illness and has nothing to do with materially affecting your lifestyle, aside from providing you with the false notion that satisfying vanity is somehow going to "progress" yourself in any meaningful way.

[Anonymous]

Look i think this is not one answer.
In a marriage where one partner is making many millions a year (and i say this as a woman who pulls in mid to high six figures), then yes - a stay at home partner is possibly a 'must' due to wild, out of control demands that the tippy top 0.1% of this country who pull that in may be subject to.
BUT - for most of us - even mid to high six figures - you are not at the 'whim' of some overlord or emergency situation that requires another partner - after the kids are in school - to be completely available at ALL TIMES. The VAST majority of stay at home partners CAN in theory go back to work once kids at school. So the question is fair.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it? I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.

The group I see divorce most frequently is when the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is the default parent. The man seems emasculated and unhappy.

This is changing a lot with younger generations, simply because women are more able to get higher earning jobs now, many have paid maternity leave and are being more highly educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should get 100k as seed money to start over and see what she can do with it.

Definitely not millions for being lazy and sitting on her ass for 17 years.

You obviously did not spend time at home raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think this is fair in cases where the husband made all the money and the wife stayed home with the kids? Net worth of around 10 million, 3 kids who are grown or teens, 20 year marriage.

Wife is fighting for a 50% split plus alimony. Hasn’t worked in over 17 years.

She’s not getting alimony but I don’t think she should get 50% of the money. Maybe 10-20% so she is not destitute but even that is generous.

Give her half and be done with it. It will save you time and money otherwise lawyers fees and court costs may leave you with a lot less $$ !

My uncle tried to give his ex wife half but she wanted more plus alimony. She lawyered up and by the time it ended they went through millions in costs to lawyers, etc. He had to move in with his mother and his ex got half of what was left, lawyers fees, and alimony!

Luckily, she remarried quickly so the alimony payments stopped. They were married 20 years and she was a SAHM for 18 of those years in a non community property state! She also allegedly cheated for years. If she had just taken half from the get-go they both would have had more money because by the time the split what was left and her alimony it was less due to lawyers costs.

Another friends husband tried to do this and hide the money. Her attorney put liens on his properties and businesses. She didn’t get half but still got millions and he ended up loosing tons to lawyers and his new side piece who he gave half of his businesses too.

She raised your kids and dealt the house, would you be as successful without her? No. How many ideas did you discuss with her? Was she your therapist?

My spouse is successful and travels a ton for work, so I had to cut down what I do career wise so I could be around for our kids. We don’t have family close by. If he pulled this shit I would hire a lawyer and take him to the cleaners.

Be decent and give her half. If you don’t want to give her half then give her 4.9 million or something.

News flash: the amount he will give isn’t up to him.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it? I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.

I don’t know. Had a nice home life. Didn’t get divorced.

This sounds amazing. Good for you op.

Thanks!
Those years when you are newly married and have little kids are so hard. I think a lot of people would benefit from help, paid or unpaid. My SAH husband wasn’t ashamed to ask for it and get it. I think it kept us from building up a lot of resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 million is still plenty to start over and be happy with someone else.

So is 1 million.

[Anonymous]

How nice of you to share your opinion with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who actually think it's *always* fair for a SAHM to get 50% are insane. There are so many lazy, useless SAHMs who have screwed up kids and use their time to fulfill their own selfish ambitions/desires with no regard to helping with family finances or otherwise doing anything other than keep their kids alive.

Actually both parents screwed up the kids and the high earner wasn't around much which is equally damaging. Something is seriously off with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should get 100k as seed money to start over and see what she can do with it.

Definitely not millions for being lazy and sitting on her ass for 17 years.

You obviously did not spend time at home raising kids.

Their nannies raised the kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes half. If she raised the kids. She should get 60/40. Her 60 you forty becayou will continue to make money and she needs something to live off of to maintain lifestyle you afforded her.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little.

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre. I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick. They still go to work.

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids.

It’s not an excuse. It’s just reality. People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life. It just is.

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids. Either their spouse is or the hired help. Lets be real. Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends. They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives. I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home.

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service. No one with that kind of job will be around much.

Whatever. When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.


Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home. Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week? How would you even afford that?

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey. A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.
I think I paid her like $70/day.

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr.

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH. I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home. No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.

I posted that DH had this when I worked. He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day. Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there. While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson. DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm. DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven. I got home at 5:30. We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good. There is no reason to make life completely insane.

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it? I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.

The group I see divorce most frequently is when the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is the default parent. The man seems emasculated and unhappy.

This is changing a lot with younger generations, simply because women are more able to get higher earning jobs now, many have paid maternity leave and are being more highly educated.

AI is also highly educated and so those are also the first workers AI will replace.