S/O Why do you care if moms stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, if you guys are talking about husbands draining accounts, hiding assets etc.: first of all, know what your husband's paycheck amount is and where all the money is going. If you are middle class, it is truly unlikely that your husband will be able to siphon significant amount of money without a judge finding out easily based on your lifestyle expectations (in which case, your husband will also pay a large fine because that kind of behavior is illegal). If you are rich, okay, maybe your husband can drain off significant amounts of money into another account, buy a boat during your divorce, etc., without anyone noticing, BUT you are also rich, so while you may not get what you deserve in that divorce, that are you still going to get enough money that you won't be poor after the divorce by any means.

Instead of all of this paranoia why don't you and your dh sit down with a financial advisor and get all this stuff laid out and get a plan for your future in place.

Whether you are working or SAH, if your spouse is a dishonorable, untrustworthy type who you can see screwing you over big time when you hit retirement age then you might seriously want to talk to an attorney now because being married to a person like that is probably not in your best interests.

Hey kids. Mommy trusts daddy enough to sleep with him and to allow him to make medical decisions for me if I'm unable, but I don't trust him with my money.

To be clear, I don't actually dig the posts that tell SAHMs they need to work because of possible marriage issues.

But completely separate from that point, your post begs to be answered. Sweetheart, the vast majority of women who are now divorced were once in love with their husbands, slept with them, and trusted them. Stuff changes. Don't be naive. If you are lucky to have a great husband, I am truly happy for you, but don't be a douche-bag about it. Crowing is sooooooooooo unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have learned one thing from this thread. Rich SAHMs are easily triggered into arguing and will go on and on about their personal situation to prove their point.

Hello. You are a teeny tiny minority. Your situation likely does not apply to anyone else. Also, you just sound insecure. Just ignore the triggering posts. That will bug em more than you responding.

Y’all need to stop and either care for your kids or get back to work.

Rich or fairly well off SAHM are not a teeny tiny minority HERE. The women who stay at home in Vienna or Chevy Chase and post here are probably pretty well off, no? We are talking about DC and this area, not middle America or Florida or something.

I live in Florida and the majority of families need 2 incomes to live comfortably. A lot of parents stay home with the children for the first few years but they all go back to work eventually. A lot of people think Florida is cheap but that’s not necessarily true. If you live in a nice city in major city houses at at least 300-400k. We live in Miami but have lived in other cities. It’s harder to find higher paying jobs here. My husbands income is 105k. That’s not enough for me to be a sahm.

OMG This is expensive? Wow, glad a Florida person is posting here on DCUM. Seriously, we would be soooo unaware how the rest of America costs living in this area.

[Anonymous]

I care when women go to college and don't use their degrees. They got into a school and took away from a student who may have really wanted to go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I care when women go to college and don't use their degrees. They got into a school and took away from a student who may have really wanted to go there.

Ok troll, you're taking up electricity with your misogynist posts that someone else could be using right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody getting tired of these threads yet?

As someone who is strongly on one side of this debate I am still getting tired of all the mischaracterization of what those on both sides try to say.

I agree and I’m strongly on one side also.
Studies saying kids all turn out the same regardless (assuming similar family SES) are interesting as well.

You know what else is really bad about this thread and the other mommy-wars threads? People are so disingenuous on them.

All over this site, day after day, there are threads about the challenges of raising children. Moms and Dads of all different situations admitting that raising kids can be hard and looking for suggestions, recommendations, or just some recognition that others understand.

But you come on these stupid mommy-war threads and everybody is SO HAPPY with their choice! Everything is hunky-dory all the time and I'm so grateful...blah blah blah.

Everyone lies, essentially, because if they admit that they are fine with their choice but, yeah it is really hard sometimes, they know some jerk on the "other side" will take that admission and use it against them as proof of some inane generalization about the "other side".

The truth is that all of our kids are fine and will be fine as long as we are loving them, listening to them, and involved in their lives. The real impact of the decision to work in whatever form or not to work is on us, the parents. We make our choice and we hope it works best for us. But day to day, all of us face challenges and, at times, insecurities about our choices. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just try to help each other face those challenges instead of trying to build ourselves up by tearing each other down? There shouldn't be an "other side", just another mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have learned one thing from this thread. Rich SAHMs are easily triggered into arguing and will go on and on about their personal situation to prove their point.

Hello. You are a teeny tiny minority. Your situation likely does not apply to anyone else. Also, you just sound insecure. Just ignore the triggering posts. That will bug em more than you responding.

Y’all need to stop and either care for your kids or get back to work.

Rich or fairly well off SAHM are not a teeny tiny minority HERE. The women who stay at home in Vienna or Chevy Chase and post here are probably pretty well off, no? We are talking about DC and this area, not middle America or Florida or something.

I live in Florida and the majority of families need 2 incomes to live comfortably. A lot of parents stay home with the children for the first few years but they all go back to work eventually. A lot of people think Florida is cheap but that’s not necessarily true. If you live in a nice city in major city houses at at least 300-400k. We live in Miami but have lived in other cities. It’s harder to find higher paying jobs here. My husbands income is 105k. That’s not enough for me to be a sahm.

OMG This is expensive? Wow, glad a Florida person is posting here on DCUM. Seriously, we would be soooo unaware how the rest of America costs living in this area.

Yes it is expensive compared to Georgia and Ohio. I have lived in those states as well. The point of my post is that if you live in Miami for example it’s more expensive than the rest of Florida. It takes 2 incomes to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. Florida is not cheap compared to the midwest or other southern states.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have learned one thing from this thread. Rich SAHMs are easily triggered into arguing and will go on and on about their personal situation to prove their point.

Hello. You are a teeny tiny minority. Your situation likely does not apply to anyone else. Also, you just sound insecure. Just ignore the triggering posts. That will bug em more than you responding.

Y’all need to stop and either care for your kids or get back to work.

Rich or fairly well off SAHM are not a teeny tiny minority HERE. The women who stay at home in Vienna or Chevy Chase and post here are probably pretty well off, no? We are talking about DC and this area, not middle America or Florida or something.

I live in Florida and the majority of families need 2 incomes to live comfortably. A lot of parents stay home with the children for the first few years but they all go back to work eventually. A lot of people think Florida is cheap but that’s not necessarily true. If you live in a nice city in major city houses at at least 300-400k. We live in Miami but have lived in other cities. It’s harder to find higher paying jobs here. My husbands income is 105k. That’s not enough for me to be a sahm.

OMG This is expensive? Wow, glad a Florida person is posting here on DCUM. Seriously, we would be soooo unaware how the rest of America costs living in this area.

Yes it is expensive compared to Georgia and Ohio. I have lived in those states as well. The point of my post is that if you live in Miami for example it’s more expensive than the rest of Florida. It takes 2 incomes to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. Florida is not cheap compared to the midwest or other southern states.

And don’t forget about the hurricane insurance. It’s very expensive. My parents sold their house in FL after retiring because they couldn’t afford the insurance anymore.

[Anonymous]

I'm in Orlando & it has housing price swings like most cities. I live in one of the most desirable areas with houses that start in the 400s up to 10 million. That's definitely not DC prices. We inherited a home in DC that has 1/3 of the square footage of our home, is 65 years old, and is worth 900,000. Not sure how anyone stays home in DC (& I am a SAHM/WAHM) I do wish we had Wegmans down here..maybe that is why the magic happens...Wegmans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody getting tired of these threads yet?

As someone who is strongly on one side of this debate I am still getting tired of all the mischaracterization of what those on both sides try to say.

I agree and I’m strongly on one side also.
Studies saying kids all turn out the same regardless (assuming similar family SES) are interesting as well.

You know what else is really bad about this thread and the other mommy-wars threads? People are so disingenuous on them.

All over this site, day after day, there are threads about the challenges of raising children. Moms and Dads of all different situations admitting that raising kids can be hard and looking for suggestions, recommendations, or just some recognition that others understand.

But you come on these stupid mommy-war threads and everybody is SO HAPPY with their choice! Everything is hunky-dory all the time and I'm so grateful...blah blah blah.

Everyone lies, essentially, because if they admit that they are fine with their choice but, yeah it is really hard sometimes, they know some jerk on the "other side" will take that admission and use it against them as proof of some inane generalization about the "other side".

The truth is that all of our kids are fine and will be fine as long as we are loving them, listening to them, and involved in their lives. The real impact of the decision to work in whatever form or not to work is on us, the parents. We make our choice and we hope it works best for us. But day to day, all of us face challenges and, at times, insecurities about our choices. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just try to help each other face those challenges instead of trying to build ourselves up by tearing each other down? There shouldn't be an "other side", just another mom.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care when women go to college and don't use their degrees. They got into a school and took away from a student who may have really wanted to go there.

Ok troll, you're taking up electricity with your misogynist posts that someone else could be using right now.

So true. The ignorance is astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually don't care what people do. I just care how they talk about it. And I've found a lot of SAHMs talk about staying home as if I'm all but dooming my kids to prison by being a working mom.

"Do they even know you?"
"Do you die inside when they cry for the nanny instead of you?"
"You'll never get this time back."

Don't forget, "I could never let a stranger raise my child."

But I don't care if moms choose to sah either, except when they have too much time on their hands and get all overly involved in my kid's school and inflict obligations on me that I don't care about or have time for and then want to be appreciated for their "contributions."

So I’m currently a SAHM (although I have had bouts of working) and I totally agree with the last statement. I see all the time SAHM complain about the lack of volunteers for certain programs and I just don’t get it. I do choose to volunteer for a couple of different things I think are important and/or fun but I would never expect others to make that same choice. If they want to volunteer and bring a craft to a school party when I’m the room parent - great! If not, I’m happy to print out a bunch of activity sheets, bring those in w/ an indoor game and call it a day. They kids have fun even if it’s kept simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually don't care what people do. I just care how they talk about it. And I've found a lot of SAHMs talk about staying home as if I'm all but dooming my kids to prison by being a working mom.

"Do they even know you?"
"Do you die inside when they cry for the nanny instead of you?"
"You'll never get this time back."

Don't forget, "I could never let a stranger raise my child."

But I don't care if moms choose to sah either, except when they have too much time on their hands and get all overly involved in my kid's school and inflict obligations on me that I don't care about or have time for and then want to be appreciated for their "contributions."

So I’m currently a SAHM (although I have had bouts of working) and I totally agree with the last statement. I see all the time SAHM complain about the lack of volunteers for certain programs and I just don’t get it. I do choose to volunteer for a couple of different things I think are important and/or fun but I would never expect others to make that same choice. If they want to volunteer and bring a craft to a school party when I’m the room parent - great! If not, I’m happy to print out a bunch of activity sheets, bring those in w/ an indoor game and call it a day. They kids have fun even if it’s kept simple.

I had to laugh as I read this, remembering an experience I had when my kids were in preschool. A very peppy, energetic woman got a few other moms together in the hallway of the school and started suggesting all these ideas for a party she wanted to throw for the teachers. Food, drinks, games - she had it all planned out. We were all agreeing that it sounded like fun, and then she said, "Great! So you guys can take it from here, right? I've got a meeting to go to." Turned out, she was a WOHM who had no intention of doing any of this, she just wanted to come up with the idea and delegate it to the SAHMs. It was so shocking we actually laughed as she walked out. Such cluelessness!

Just pointing this out because there are annoyances on both "sides".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I care when women go to college and don't use their degrees. They got into a school and took away from a student who may have really wanted to go there.

I would pretty annoyed if I spent hundreds of thousands on a college education for my kid and they basically decided to never use their degree. And no you don’t need a degree at all to be a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care when women go to college and don't use their degrees. They got into a school and took away from a student who may have really wanted to go there.

I would pretty annoyed if I spent hundreds of thousands on a college education for my kid and they basically decided to never use their degree. And no you don’t need a degree at all to be a good parent.

I work and my mom worked and I am going to set my girls up for educational success in life so that they can hopefully have great jobs that they enjoy, but I wouldn't be mad about the money spend on their private tuition for PreK3-12 grades plus college tuition if they decided to be stay at home moms. College (and school in its entirety, for that matter), is not merely a means to an end. It's an experience in and of itself. I'm a lawyer, and nothing I learned in undergad has anything to do with what I do now. Frankly, not much I learned in law school has anything to do with what I do now. So luckily college and law school were experiences that I enjoyed beyond just means to land me where I am today. No, you don't need a degree to be a good parent, but I would never be annoyed at my daughter for staying home with her kids after I paid for her to go to college, because I'm not sending her to college in order to find a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care when women go to college and don't use their degrees. They got into a school and took away from a student who may have really wanted to go there.

I would pretty annoyed if I spent hundreds of thousands on a college education for my kid and they basically decided to never use their degree. And no you don’t need a degree at all to be a good parent.

If you think the sole purpose of higher education is to make money then you aren't very well educated.