Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

Who thinks that they’re going to stay at a place for $1800 and get $590 pp personal driver? That’s the cheaper. They don’t need those things for a bachelorette party.

Anyone who isn’t stupid? Where are you going to find a cheaper place to stay in Napa? And transportation is going to be pricey unless you want to go the designated driver route, which OP is turning up her nose at too. The was obviously going to be pricey at the first mention of “wine country,” which was before the formal RSVP.

Did you see that OP hasn’t even ever been to California? I have no idea what a 4 day extravaganza in wine country would cost and I’ve been to Sonoma!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between the destination wedding and destination bachelorette party, gifts etc. How much money do you think celebrating her wedding will cost? How much of your vacation time will be used up?

What would you rather be doing with your time and money?

+1 everyone can, of course, spend their money the way they choose. But, there’s zero chance I’d be spending $3k+ To attend these events if I wasn’t in the wedding. And, even if I was in the wedding, unless the destinations were in places I wanted to visit regardless of the event, I’d decline. My vacation budget is $10k a year - and no one is going to tell me how to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

No one is giving her the $800 back if she cancels.

You’re probably right. Nobody needs these ridiculously extravagant parties.

[Anonymous]

Your mistake was sending the money.

How are you going to get reimbursed? If you cannot get your money back, consider it your wedding gift to her and don't bother doing anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

Who thinks that they’re going to stay at a place for $1800 and get $590 pp personal driver? That’s the cheaper. They don’t need those things for a bachelorette party.

Anyone who isn’t stupid? Where are you going to find a cheaper place to stay in Napa? And transportation is going to be pricey unless you want to go the designated driver route, which OP is turning up her nose at too. The was obviously going to be pricey at the first mention of “wine country,” which was before the formal RSVP.

Did you see that OP hasn’t even ever been to California? I have no idea what a 4 day extravaganza in wine country would cost and I’ve been to Sonoma!

OP is a grown-up. When she got the formal invitation for California wine country, she should have done some research before saying yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

Who thinks that they’re going to stay at a place for $1800 and get $590 pp personal driver? That’s the cheaper. They don’t need those things for a bachelorette party.

Anyone who isn’t stupid? Where are you going to find a cheaper place to stay in Napa? And transportation is going to be pricey unless you want to go the designated driver route, which OP is turning up her nose at too. The was obviously going to be pricey at the first mention of “wine country,” which was before the formal RSVP.

Did you see that OP hasn’t even ever been to California? I have no idea what a 4 day extravaganza in wine country would cost and I’ve been to Sonoma!

OP is a grown-up. When she got the formal invitation for California wine country, she should have done some research before saying yes.

I’ve been to wine country and I have never stayed at a $1800 per night house nor has my group paid $590 per person for a private driver. This is not part of the research. You also seem to have forgotten from the time she was told about the trip to when the asked for the money was only a few days turn around. The organizer did this all wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between the destination wedding and destination bachelorette party, gifts etc. How much money do you think celebrating her wedding will cost? How much of your vacation time will be used up?

What would you rather be doing with your time and money?

Didn’t even think consider losing your vacation time for this pretentious crap. Her destination wedding is also around the holidays.

This is a big nope.

[Anonymous]

“This is out of hand, and I’m out.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

[Anonymous]

If Op’s cousin is nice - she would tell whoever planned this extravagant weekend to change the accommodations so Op gets her money back. Perhaps the organizer is Op’s other cousin, the bride’s sister if she is maid or matron of honor. I think it is perfectly acceptable for Op to say that she really wanted to come and accepted but once she added up the costs, she can’t do it. Especially with the trip for the wedding. Who has a destination bachelorette party and a destination wedding? During Covid. But I digress. I would definitely cancel, Op and hope that your cousin(s) find a way to get your money back to you. Please update us with what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

Yes, the air BnB is paid for - everyone sent the money a week ago according to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

There’s 10 people in total including the bride. So without me and having to pay for the bride they would just have to pay an extra $100 for the air bnb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

Many (probably the majority) of air bnb rentals have significant penalties for cancellations so it’s unlikely that they can just “easily” cancel the Airbnb and find an alternative…especially a month or less out in Napa valley. I’m baffled by the people who think that OP should be able to just back out of something that she has not only already committed to but actually paid for because she has had a change of heart and expect the remaining participants to just eat the higher resulting cost.