I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is the poster mad at her computer programmer husband for only making 120k and being content in his job.

Either way, blaming your husband for your stress is not healthy. You need to take charge of your own choices, and make changes to your own situation. Resenting him for being happier is childish.

My husband is a government worker not a programmer.

So he does make in that range. Check yourself. Your striving isn’t healthy. Learn to live within the means you can make without working yourself to death.

My other option is to divorce my husband because life sucks with someone when you do not share core values. That’s what I am leaning towards.

You think high earning alpha males don’t have drawbacks, op? How would you feel about a workaholic dh who is never home or has work affairs or is selfishly driven? Grass is not always greener. One partner is rarely completely right or 100 % compatible, marriage will always be about compromising.

You sound like the one who is a little extreme here. That’s fine but just because you’ve discovered that about yourself doesn’t mean everyone has to change to suit you. That’s just immaturity.

Building wealth and security is much more about spending than earning, by the way.

I’ve made a lot, and I’ve made a little. And wealth building strides have come for me when I’ve made a lot.

[Anonymous]

Lol you're a morin. Ask your kids what they would prefer.... You to pay for their wedding and a house but you get divorced and are still miserable. OR you don't provide those things but get a less stressful job and don't completely ruin their lives with a divorce.

I'm with your DH. It seems like you guys could still have a nice life if you took a lower stress job. It's not like he's forcing you to stay in your job. I also don't get why you married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is the poster mad at her computer programmer husband for only making 120k and being content in his job.

Either way, blaming your husband for your stress is not healthy. You need to take charge of your own choices, and make changes to your own situation. Resenting him for being happier is childish.

My husband is a government worker not a programmer.

So he does make in that range. Check yourself. Your striving isn’t healthy. Learn to live within the means you can make without working yourself to death.

My other option is to divorce my husband because life sucks with someone when you do not share core values. That’s what I am leaning towards.

OP, I'm the PP who makes 3X what my DH does.

You need to reexamine the concept of "core values" and what those mean at a basic level. Also consider what your life (financial and otherwise) will look like, and what your kids' lives will look like if you divorce.

I strongly recommend that you get individual therapy before doing anything.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this, OP. You have a couple of options: Deal with it or divorce him.

His priorities will not change. You cannot force him to want to get a better job. And if he does, he’ll resent you for it. You cannot force him to consider your stress level because he won’t be able to put himself in your shoes. You can acknowledge that you got older and your priorities shifted and you want to take care of your family, but he does it in his own way, not your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

This is nuts. My SAHM DW dealt with a house full of rugrats (four under 7) while she was participating in major house renovations. Lots of stress. It ‘s not a reflection on the DH’s manhood that the DW is stressed.

No matter how stressful your job, four kids under 7 years old is WAY more stressful!!!

Exhausting or stressful?

Exactly. Most of them have no place they have to other than school where a bus comes to your door to whisk them away. No one is keeping you to a clock, you can plop them in front of a screen or playpen and read a book, take to a playground and watch them run around fences in, and get rotisserie chicken and steamed veggies for dinner, pb&j for lunch, cereal for breakfast.

This kind of day sounds like a dream to me, I love spending time with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is the poster mad at her computer programmer husband for only making 120k and being content in his job.

Either way, blaming your husband for your stress is not healthy. You need to take charge of your own choices, and make changes to your own situation. Resenting him for being happier is childish.

My husband is a government worker not a programmer.

So he does make in that range. Check yourself. Your striving isn’t healthy. Learn to live within the means you can make without working yourself to death.

My other option is to divorce my husband because life sucks with someone when you do not share core values. That’s what I am leaning towards.

You're a moron for marrying him then. What a selfish POS you are for what you're about to do to your kids lives because "wahhhh I chose a high stress career and dh didn't". Disgusting.

I already very clearly stated I made a huge mistake marrying him. That’s on me.

I am still in my 30’s. I really don’t not see how I can make it through another 50+ years with someone with whom I do not share fundamental values without massive, toxic resentment.

So get a divorce but realize YOU are the cause for what crap you're about to cause. He isn't even pressuring you to keep this job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is the poster mad at her computer programmer husband for only making 120k and being content in his job.

Either way, blaming your husband for your stress is not healthy. You need to take charge of your own choices, and make changes to your own situation. Resenting him for being happier is childish.

My husband is a government worker not a programmer.

So he does make in that range. Check yourself. Your striving isn’t healthy. Learn to live within the means you can make without working yourself to death.

My other option is to divorce my husband because life sucks with someone when you do not share core values. That’s what I am leaning towards.

You're really going to love it when you have to pay him child support and possibly some spousal support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol you're a morin. Ask your kids what they would prefer.... You to pay for their wedding and a house but you get divorced and are still miserable. OR you don't provide those things but get a less stressful job and don't completely ruin their lives with a divorce.

I'm with your DH. It seems like you guys could still have a nice life if you took a lower stress job. It's not like he's forcing you to stay in your job. I also don't get why you married him.

Because he is handsome and funny, and when I expressed reservations to friends or family about his earning potential everyone called me shallow. The people calling me shallow are all married to high earners, btw. I was dumb not to level with myself about my values. Huge, life ruining mistake.

[Anonymous]

I think some of us are a little confused that you did not know at least some of this before you got married:
- Did you know that he was more of a settler rather than being ambitious before you were married?
- Did you talk about how you wanted to provide for your children both while they were young and older?
- Did you/your husband know that you wanted a more traditional marriage where the husband would be the breadwinner?

It does sound like you have differing ideas about family lifestyle and the husband/wife dynamic which are pretty major. You could try counseling or you could simply move on, but make sure you discuss these matters in your next relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol you're a morin. Ask your kids what they would prefer.... You to pay for their wedding and a house but you get divorced and are still miserable. OR you don't provide those things but get a less stressful job and don't completely ruin their lives with a divorce.

I'm with your DH. It seems like you guys could still have a nice life if you took a lower stress job. It's not like he's forcing you to stay in your job. I also don't get why you married him.

Because he is handsome and funny, and when I expressed reservations to friends or family about his earning potential everyone called me shallow. The people calling me shallow are all married to high earners, btw. I was dumb not to level with myself about my values. Huge, life ruining mistake.

You are shallow. Do your DH a favor and divorce him.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you are going to disrupt your kids lives with a divorce because you want to work a high stress job so you can buy them a house in 20 years. How does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol you're a morin. Ask your kids what they would prefer.... You to pay for their wedding and a house but you get divorced and are still miserable. OR you don't provide those things but get a less stressful job and don't completely ruin their lives with a divorce.

I'm with your DH. It seems like you guys could still have a nice life if you took a lower stress job. It's not like he's forcing you to stay in your job. I also don't get why you married him.

Because he is handsome and funny, and when I expressed reservations to friends or family about his earning potential everyone called me shallow. The people calling me shallow are all married to high earners, btw. I was dumb not to level with myself about my values. Huge, life ruining mistake.

I don't think you were being shallow then. You were thinking in the longterm while it sounds like they were caught up in the romance of your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol you're a morin. Ask your kids what they would prefer.... You to pay for their wedding and a house but you get divorced and are still miserable. OR you don't provide those things but get a less stressful job and don't completely ruin their lives with a divorce.

I'm with your DH. It seems like you guys could still have a nice life if you took a lower stress job. It's not like he's forcing you to stay in your job. I also don't get why you married him.

Because he is handsome and funny, and when I expressed reservations to friends or family about his earning potential everyone called me shallow. The people calling me shallow are all married to high earners, btw. I was dumb not to level with myself about my values. Huge, life ruining mistake.

Lol. God all your posts are so selfish and pity me. You're a horrible person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is the poster mad at her computer programmer husband for only making 120k and being content in his job.

Either way, blaming your husband for your stress is not healthy. You need to take charge of your own choices, and make changes to your own situation. Resenting him for being happier is childish.

My husband is a government worker not a programmer.

So he does make in that range. Check yourself. Your striving isn’t healthy. Learn to live within the means you can make without working yourself to death.

My other option is to divorce my husband because life sucks with someone when you do not share core values. That’s what I am leaning towards.

OP, I'm the PP who makes 3X what my DH does.

You need to reexamine the concept of "core values" and what those mean at a basic level. Also consider what your life (financial and otherwise) will look like, and what your kids' lives will look like if you divorce.

I strongly recommend that you get individual therapy before doing anything.

There's a lot of distasteful things about the OP, but chief among them is that apparently her overriding "core value" is "be wealthy." Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol you're a morin. Ask your kids what they would prefer.... You to pay for their wedding and a house but you get divorced and are still miserable. OR you don't provide those things but get a less stressful job and don't completely ruin their lives with a divorce.

I'm with your DH. It seems like you guys could still have a nice life if you took a lower stress job. It's not like he's forcing you to stay in your job. I also don't get why you married him.

Because he is handsome and funny, and when I expressed reservations to friends or family about his earning potential everyone called me shallow. The people calling me shallow are all married to high earners, btw. I was dumb not to level with myself about my values. Huge, life ruining mistake.

It was not the place of your family and friends to talk you out of this marriage. You need to own your choices.