I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

[Anonymous]

I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

[Anonymous]

You should both pick up and move to a saner place. There is no reason for you to live like this. Enjoy your kids, enjoy your life, enjoy each other somewhere with lower COL.

[Anonymous]

Did you marry him for his potential, OP?

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Did your husband force you into your high stress job? Is he forcing you to stay there? Or you just want him to be stressed, too?

You sound like one of those drivers who turns on their high beams if a car coming the opposite way has theirs on, like you’re really sticking it to ‘em. Except the reality is that now you BOTH can’t see, so the likelihood of a crash increases.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm a DW who makes more than my DH and who is still overall very happy and satisfied with my marriage.

DH completely picks up the childcare and household slack and does thoughtful things to support me when I'm under work stress. He also knows there is a high likelihood of me retiring before him and letting him carry the household with insurance once we've built our nest egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

Reverse the genders in this. Still true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

Reverse the genders in this. Still true?

Nope, not still true if genders are reversed for a large majority of men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

Reverse the genders in this. Still true?

I don’t think (straight) men expect to be married to a man with a primal urge to support the family, so…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

This is nuts. My SAHM DW dealt with a house full of rugrats (four under 7) while she was participating in major house renovations. Lots of stress. It ‘s not a reflection on the DH’s manhood that the DW is stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

This is nuts. My SAHM DW dealt with a house full of rugrats (four under 7) while she was participating in major house renovations. Lots of stress. It ‘s not a reflection on the DH’s manhood that the DW is stressed.

You must be dense. I am dealing with something similar AND working a demanding full time job.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, Op. I have been in your shoes. I divorced and married a traditional (aka hard working, high earning) man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW who makes more than my DH and who is still overall very happy and satisfied with my marriage.

DH completely picks up the childcare and household slack and does thoughtful things to support me when I'm under work stress. He also knows there is a high likelihood of me retiring before him and letting him carry the household with insurance once we've built our nest egg.

That’s nice. Doesn’t sound like op’s situation, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change.

This is nuts. My SAHM DW dealt with a house full of rugrats (four under 7) while she was participating in major house renovations. Lots of stress. It ‘s not a reflection on the DH’s manhood that the DW is stressed.

You must be dense. I am dealing with something similar AND working a demanding full time job.

Exactly. Dude, she is doing your SAHM’s job PLUS supporting the family. Seems quite different since you support the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, Op. I have been in your shoes. I divorced and married a traditional (aka hard working, high earning) man.

I’m guessing you were quite young and didn’t have kids when you divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Did your husband force you into your high stress job? Is he forcing you to stay there? Or you just want him to be stressed, too?

You sound like one of those drivers who turns on their high beams if a car coming the opposite way has theirs on, like you’re really sticking it to ‘em. Except the reality is that now you BOTH can’t see, so the likelihood of a crash increases.

Good luck.

This.