is it appropriate to ask people origin of their last name? should it be?

[Anonymous]

I don't ask people about their names because I can usually figure it out. It's kind of a fun game. You can also google last names to find out the origin. Also just listen when people pronounce their names and try to remember it.

[Anonymous]

"Oh, where is it from, how do you say it?"
"Are you from there?"
No my father was. You don't have to say that. You can just say my ancestors were from there.
"Do you speak X language"
No, he died when I was young. You don't have to say that. Just say no.

No one is expecting you to reveal super personal info you don't feel comfortable giving out. Say as little as you want. The conversation will end soon enough.

[Anonymous]

I have an unusual last name and people always guess wrong. I don't mind them asking...it's just making conversation. But I'm also white with no particular accent. I can see how it would be taken differently directed at others.

[Anonymous]

PP with love of names.

I grew up with an interesting, “descriptive” surname that was changed by my immigrant ancestors over 200 years ago. I kept my maiden name as my middle and took DH similarly Americanized (from German) surname. Invites fun conversation and smiles when people see my names!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I get it's not poorly intended. But even as a white person, it gets really really old having to represent this culture, my connection to it, continually answer questions.

I appreciate the suggestions to not get into it more than is necessary- with the caveat that I DO think people want to chat about it, so cutting that off also starts to feel rude or like it requires more creativity/evasiveness than I'd like.

Basically, at LEAST 90% of the time I have to engage in or actively disengage in some sort of dialog when I first meet people about my name, it's origin, my background, etc.., and many times these are people I will not know for long.

So I get the respect that people want to pay, but when I say "you can just call me Jane" and people really, really want me to give them lessons on my name (again, I get this is well intended, but i don't like having to do this, it's tiring and I don't care if they butcher it personally).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I get it's not poorly intended. But even as a white person, it gets really really old having to represent this culture, my connection to it, continually answer questions.

I appreciate the suggestions to not get into it more than is necessary- with the caveat that I DO think people want to chat about it, so cutting that off also starts to feel rude or like it requires more creativity/evasiveness than I'd like.

Basically, at LEAST 90% of the time I have to engage in or actively disengage in some sort of dialog when I first meet people about my name, it's origin, my background, etc.., and many times these are people I will not know for long.

So I get the respect that people want to pay, but when I say "you can just call me Jane" and people really, really want me to give them lessons on my name (again, I get this is well intended, but i don't like having to do this, it's tiring and I don't care if they butcher it personally).

Say, "I'd prefer it if you called me Jane" should make it clearer and less discussion-worthy without being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I get it's not poorly intended. But even as a white person, it gets really really old having to represent this culture, my connection to it, continually answer questions.

I appreciate the suggestions to not get into it more than is necessary- with the caveat that I DO think people want to chat about it, so cutting that off also starts to feel rude or like it requires more creativity/evasiveness than I'd like.

Basically, at LEAST 90% of the time I have to engage in or actively disengage in some sort of dialog when I first meet people about my name, it's origin, my background, etc.., and many times these are people I will not know for long.

So I get the respect that people want to pay, but when I say "you can just call me Jane" and people really, really want me to give them lessons on my name (again, I get this is well intended, but i don't like having to do this, it's tiring and I don't care if they butcher it personally).

There are some places where you have to give your real name - the DMV, doctor's office, school. But there are other places where you don't. Simply don't give that name where it's not necessary.

And, stop with all this "as a white person" nonsense. I'm mixed race and I get the questions all the time. It doesn't bother me but that's just me. It bothers you and that's sufficient.

[Anonymous]

PP with love of names.

I grew up with an interesting, “descriptive” surname that was changed by my immigrant ancestors over 200 years ago. I kept my maiden name as my middle and took DH similarly Americanized (from German) surname. Invites fun conversation and smiles when people see my names!

[Anonymous]

It is very racist.

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong with this - is polite conversation with person asking about something that is of interest. How silly to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with this - is polite conversation with person asking about something that is of interest. How silly to complain.

+1. I'm white with a very unusual ethnic surname. People ask me where it's from all the time. Because Americans are geographic idiots I then usually have to explain where the origin country is located. I actually appreciate that people think enough of me to ask in interest. It's not offensive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1. I'm white with a very unusual ethnic surname. People ask me where it's from all the time. Because Americans are geographic idiots I then usually have to explain where the origin country is located. I actually appreciate that people think enough of me to ask in interest. It's not offensive at all.

When I explain to people that my last name is from X country but my family for 3 generations is from Y country because my home country, much like the US, is a melting pot of immigrants, their mind is often blown. It's not the typical understanding people have of my country at all and it makes for interesting conversation. I don't think it's a burden and that those people are making little ol' exotic me do the work of educating them. If they had not met me and had that conversation they'd probably never know these things about my country. That is how people learn; through other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of like getting asked questions like this. For me it's so much more interesting than "I like your shirt. Where'd you get it?" Or "which sports are your kids signed up for?" Boring!

I do occasionally get people arguing with me that my name means my family is from X country, when we're actually from Y. But that's still more interesting than small talk.

I am with you. As I joke sometimes, I like to mess with people’s heads. I am white, speak with an accent, have an Eastern European sounding last name and a Spanish first name. Go figure ))

[Anonymous]

I have a Biblical first name and a (married) German surname.

I’m often assumed to be Jewish. I’m a former Catholic turned Protestant. I have gained an interest in and knowledge of Judaism and Judaic naming traditions and have met so many interesting people.

I’ve had some funny situations and conversations starting with my name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a form of racist micro aggression, when asked of a BIPOC by a white person.

Give me an F'ing break! Your are exhausting. It's this kind of pearl clutching, hyperbole, and over sensitivity that that narcissistic, POS ex-president was elected. This kind of inability to deal with a simple, innocent question just give ammunition to the all the true racists out there. Please grow a millimeter more of skin and stop being so self involved.

I work in a job where I am meeting new people everyday, and in many cases will continue to interact with them on some level. Why is it racist to want to know how to pronounce their name? I think its actually incredibly rude and maybe even racist to not give a crap what their name is and how they would like be addressed!!!! It basically says "I care so little about you that I can't even be bothered to know how to say your name." ASKING THE CORRECT PRONUNCIATION IS THE CORRECT THING TO DO!. Now, to continue to ask once a person has said it's "fine" or "close enough" starts to border on pushy or obstrusive.