is it appropriate to ask people origin of their last name? should it be?

[Anonymous]

It is a sign of respect to treat someone with the dignity of calling them by their proper name. That’s why it was denied to African-Americans for so many years in this country, or whites referred to them by their first name or other nickname type words. I will ask how to pronounce it if I am not sure. I suspect those who would take offense or be bothered by this are very small number

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the issue. Dhs last name is Polish and no one can pronounce it. So I discuss it a lot. And then my favorite is when Polish people tell us it’s spelled wrong and pronounced wrong. Sigh. But I like talking about it! I had a very easy British last name before marriage and it was obvious that it was a British name.

[Anonymous]

Everyone should just realize that is boring and annoying to the person with the name. It’s like asking a tall person how tall they are. They are tired of the question. It will come up if you need to interact regularly. Otherwise, just let it go. It’s like if someone has an accent. They don’t necessarily want to discuss where they are from with you. Manners/respect are about making other people feel comfortable. Badgering them about their name is not respectful.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and yes.

[Anonymous]

I have a different problem. The way I have pronounced my sirname my whole life is not how people in the area I have moved to pronounce it. So I have to say it differently when I introduce myself.

Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

My maiden name was like that. It’s Italian and pretty unusual. A lot more common in New England where there are more Italians, but my dad’s side of the family had to settle in the rural Midwest for some bizarre reason where they were big weirdos for being Italian and Catholic. Yes, it feels micro-aggression-ish and “othering.” Can’t tell you how many times I had the “wow where are you from? No like, where are you FROMMMM???” Conversation as a kid and left it feeling like utter crap. There were lots of places back then (still places like that now but less common) where you’d get some heat for not being the “right kind” of white person.

[Anonymous]

Happens to me all the time. I'm white and it's annoying but it's not unique to people who aren't white or waspy. I shrug it off.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine, as long as you aren't assuming that they aren't American. (Don't say, "No, where are you *really* from? or anything like that.) But, "Is that an Italian last name?" is fine. If they don't seem interested in sharing more, then let it go -- as others have noted, they get tired of telling their family histories over and over again.

[Anonymous]

I kind of like getting asked questions like this. For me it's so much more interesting than "I like your shirt. Where'd you get it?" Or "which sports are your kids signed up for?" Boring!

I do occasionally get people arguing with me that my name means my family is from X country, when we're actually from Y. But that's still more interesting than small talk.

[Anonymous]

I’m mixed race AA and Latina with a Spanish first name. I often ask people the origins of their names. No one ever seems offended and we usually have a good conversation about both of our names. I think it’s fine to say “That’s a cool name. What’s the origin?”

[Anonymous]

Why are you so offended by this? Someone is taking interest and wants to be educated on the subject. I always find surnames interesting - particularly as someone with a multicultural background that studied languages. Why the offense in signs of respect?

And in this country, this will happen a lot because of the high percentage of immigrants, our history of immigration, and our lack of shared origin. It is more interesting than it is offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and yes.

No and no.

[Anonymous]

I have a surname that doesn't necessarily match my mixed-race face, so I've always been asked, all my life. I enjoy telling people where it's from, and where I'm from. People are interested.

I see it as outreach about international, mixed, families

[Anonymous]

I'm somewhat brown and have a "foreign" (what does that even mean in the US anyway) last name and people mispronounce it all the time. Sometimes they ask where it's from. I have no problem answering. The intent has never been insulting.

A friend of mine (white, since we're counting) has a very long and rare type of last name. He pronounces it for them and immediately follows up with "It's a XX name from XX" and smiles. It works really well for him and he doesn't get all wrapped around the axl about it.

[Anonymous]

White guy here and I don’t mind explaining the origin of my surname. It’s unusual and people often think it’s French, but it’s actually Dutch.

If people are interested in your background or heritage, I think that’s a plus.