Would you be concerned if your DD planned to marry her high school or college sweetheart

[Anonymous]

16:46 edited to add, I'd be fine with my DD marrying her high school sweetheart. Current boyfriend is totally adorable about her. They are both very much alike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it depends entirely on the people involved and their ability to grow, evolve and compromise with each other. Some of the happiest and strongest marriages I know are from people who married their college sweethearts (HS more iffy). The most problematic marriages I have seen are from women who decided in their mid to late 20s and early 30s to "settle" and marryguys who had lots of red flags just because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted to have a child. Better to freeze ones eggs than to have to co-parent with a dysfunctional ExH. I know I will get flamed for this, but based upon all of my friends, I will say that I think the biggest predictor for marital longevity is whether your own parents stayed married (and were relatively happy together over the long run).

I'm fairly certain that data supports this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it depends entirely on the people involved and their ability to grow, evolve and compromise with each other. Some of the happiest and strongest marriages I know are from people who married their college sweethearts (HS more iffy). The most problematic marriages I have seen are from women who decided in their mid to late 20s and early 30s to "settle" and marryguys who had lots of red flags just because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted to have a child. Better to freeze ones eggs than to have to co-parent with a dysfunctional ExH. I know I will get flamed for this, but based upon all of my friends, I will say that I think the biggest predictor for marital longevity is whether your own parents stayed married (and were relatively happy together over the long run).

I'm fairly certain that data supports this

Please cite the data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it depends entirely on the people involved and their ability to grow, evolve and compromise with each other. Some of the happiest and strongest marriages I know are from people who married their college sweethearts (HS more iffy). The most problematic marriages I have seen are from women who decided in their mid to late 20s and early 30s to "settle" and marryguys who had lots of red flags just because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted to have a child. Better to freeze ones eggs than to have to co-parent with a dysfunctional ExH. I know I will get flamed for this, but based upon all of my friends, I will say that I think the biggest predictor for marital longevity is whether your own parents stayed married (and were relatively happy together over the long run).

I'm fairly certain that data supports this

The data definitely does. And I say this as the kid of divorced parents and two sets of divorced grandparents. I definitely struggle with my relationships, expression of my feelings, etc. I'm married now, but it's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it depends entirely on the people involved and their ability to grow, evolve and compromise with each other. Some of the happiest and strongest marriages I know are from people who married their college sweethearts (HS more iffy). The most problematic marriages I have seen are from women who decided in their mid to late 20s and early 30s to "settle" and marryguys who had lots of red flags just because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted to have a child. Better to freeze ones eggs than to have to co-parent with a dysfunctional ExH. I know I will get flamed for this, but based upon all of my friends, I will say that I think the biggest predictor for marital longevity is whether your own parents stayed married (and were relatively happy together over the long run).

I'm fairly certain that data supports this

Please cite the data.

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/05/divorced-parents-marriage/590425/

Despite these challenges, the likelihood that children of divorce will go on to get a divorce themselves has diminished greatly over time. According to Wolfinger, in the early 1970s, married people with divorced parents were about twice as likely as married people from intact families to get a divorce; now, the former group is only about 1.2 times as likely to get a divorce as the latter group.

20% more likely to get divorced is still a statistically significant amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it depends entirely on the people involved and their ability to grow, evolve and compromise with each other. Some of the happiest and strongest marriages I know are from people who married their college sweethearts (HS more iffy). The most problematic marriages I have seen are from women who decided in their mid to late 20s and early 30s to "settle" and marryguys who had lots of red flags just because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted to have a child. Better to freeze ones eggs than to have to co-parent with a dysfunctional ExH. I know I will get flamed for this, but based upon all of my friends, I will say that I think the biggest predictor for marital longevity is whether your own parents stayed married (and were relatively happy together over the long run).

I'm fairly certain that data supports this

Please cite the data.

there is more, but the abstract for this one is pretty blunt and direct

"Although it is well established that the children of divorce are disproportionately likely to end their own marriages, relatively little is known about their marriage formation behavior. This paper uses data from the National Survey of Families and Households to examine the effects of parental family structure on spouse selection and marriage duration. People from divorced families often marry other children of divorce. This phenomenon, which I call family structure homogamy, persists across a variety of sociodemographic boundaries. In addition, I replicate earlier research by demonstrating that marriages between two children of divorce are especially likely to fail. These findings shed new light on the intergenerational transmission of divorce by showing that people from divorced families often marry under conditions that bode poorly for marital stability."

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2003-02361-002

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are all of the posters from who married their HS and College sweethearts? I'm genuinely curious. I live in DC proper (have for over 20 years) and I know no one who married their HS sweetheart (not even from my HS days!) and I know no one who married their college sweetheart. I know one friend who married at 24 and her husband is a loser. Everyone else married late 20s, but mostly early 30s. And a good handful in late 30s/early 40s!!

1/3 of American couples meet in college and another 1/3 in the next couple of years after (usually in first jobs or grad school). In my UMC circle, most of the guys that are conventionally considered a catch, were off the market by mid 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are all of the posters from who married their HS and College sweethearts? I'm genuinely curious. I live in DC proper (have for over 20 years) and I know no one who married their HS sweetheart (not even from my HS days!) and I know no one who married their college sweetheart. I know one friend who married at 24 and her husband is a loser. Everyone else married late 20s, but mostly early 30s. And a good handful in late 30s/early 40s!!

1/3 of American couples meet in college and another 1/3 in the next couple of years after (usually in first jobs or grad school). In my UMC circle, most of the guys that are conventionally considered a catch, were off the market by mid 20s.

+1 This is what I see too. OP, I would be happy and I will encourage my daughter to do the same. I don't think the same guy is available 5 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are all of the posters from who married their HS and College sweethearts? I'm genuinely curious. I live in DC proper (have for over 20 years) and I know no one who married their HS sweetheart (not even from my HS days!) and I know no one who married their college sweetheart. I know one friend who married at 24 and her husband is a loser. Everyone else married late 20s, but mostly early 30s. And a good handful in late 30s/early 40s!!

1/3 of American couples meet in college and another 1/3 in the next couple of years after (usually in first jobs or grad school). In my UMC circle, most of the guys that are conventionally considered a catch, were off the market by mid 20s.

I went to GW law and had a friend group comprised almost entirely of married or engaged students (I was engaged at the time). Maybe DC proper has something to do with it because most of us lived in Virginia

[Anonymous]

Not at 23 and having been to college. I'd be concerned if she was talking this way at 16 to 19. I be concerned if she was giving up on what SHE wanted to keep him around.

My mom did this and her advice to us was just to make sure you are able to take care of yourself.

People have different paths in life.

He's a good guy so that's great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are all of the posters from who married their HS and College sweethearts? I'm genuinely curious. I live in DC proper (have for over 20 years) and I know no one who married their HS sweetheart (not even from my HS days!) and I know no one who married their college sweetheart. I know one friend who married at 24 and her husband is a loser. Everyone else married late 20s, but mostly early 30s. And a good handful in late 30s/early 40s!!

1/3 of American couples meet in college and another 1/3 in the next couple of years after (usually in first jobs or grad school). In my UMC circle, most of the guys that are conventionally considered a catch, were off the market by mid 20s.

Median age of first marriage for women is 28 & for men it's 29.8 in US (from 2019).

[Anonymous]

Your “self” is not hidden behind your cervix and only dislodged by vigorous application of a variety of men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are all of the posters from who married their HS and College sweethearts? I'm genuinely curious. I live in DC proper (have for over 20 years) and I know no one who married their HS sweetheart (not even from my HS days!) and I know no one who married their college sweetheart. I know one friend who married at 24 and her husband is a loser. Everyone else married late 20s, but mostly early 30s. And a good handful in late 30s/early 40s!!

1/3 of American couples meet in college and another 1/3 in the next couple of years after (usually in first jobs or grad school). In my UMC circle, most of the guys that are conventionally considered a catch, were off the market by mid 20s.

Median age of first marriage for women is 28 & for men it's 29.8 in US (from 2019).

met and off the market don't mean married. You can meet someone in college and be engaged at 26 and married at 28

[Anonymous]

Concerned if your DD planned to marry her high school or college sweetheart -- of course not

Not likely to happen
But of course, it would be fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your “self” is not hidden behind your cervix and only dislodged by vigorous application of a variety of men.

Yikes, woman shaming at its best! Please crawl back into the evangelical hole you came out of.