My Wife Always Complains

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you married the wrong person. If get this right you are working and she is stay at home and yet you still do night duty? Bruh....

OP here. She had a hard time breastfeeding so she pumps. She gets up once a night to pump. I know she is tried too. I wanted to do it since she had a very hard pregnancy.

OP here. My responsibility to my child doesn’t go away because I work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you married the wrong person. If get this right you are working and she is stay at home and yet you still do night duty? Bruh....

OP here. She had a hard time breastfeeding so she pumps. She gets up once a night to pump. I know she is tried too. I wanted to do it since she had a very hard pregnancy.

You sound like a really good husband op. I hope she comes around soon!

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to tell you, but I am a SAHM to a 7 month old. She started sleeping through the night without "sleep training" around 4 months, I think because we did Taking Cara Babies. I EBF, but DH started giving a pumped bottle at night so I could get 4-5 hours around 4 weeks. We absolutely got lucky with personality, but I was also DETERMINED to almost never hold for naps (of course early on it happens!) and to get to independent sleep as soon as possible, because I can't be my best for the baby when she's awake and alert if I'm not rested. When she finally dropped the 4am feed (on her own), it was life changing.

I think you need to focus your efforts on your wife's health. She's done great for the baby, who is happy and healthy right? Your wife needs to prioritize herself here! It is way past time for the baby to learn to sleep independently so your wife can SLEEP. It's a skill your baby needs, and it's time. If your baby is not yet crawling at 12 months, you address it. You need to address the sleep, now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you married the wrong person. If get this right you are working and she is stay at home and yet you still do night duty? Bruh....

OP here. She had a hard time breastfeeding so she pumps. She gets up once a night to pump. I know she is tried too. I wanted to do it since she had a very hard pregnancy.

Prolonged sleep deprivation is the biggest factor in PPD/A. You might want to get her screened, especially for PPA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to tell you, but I am a SAHM to a 7 month old. She started sleeping through the night without "sleep training" around 4 months, I think because we did Taking Cara Babies. I EBF, but DH started giving a pumped bottle at night so I could get 4-5 hours around 4 weeks. We absolutely got lucky with personality, but I was also DETERMINED to almost never hold for naps (of course early on it happens!) and to get to independent sleep as soon as possible, because I can't be my best for the baby when she's awake and alert if I'm not rested. When she finally dropped the 4am feed (on her own), it was life changing.

I think you need to focus your efforts on your wife's health. She's done great for the baby, who is happy and healthy right? Your wife needs to prioritize herself here! It is way past time for the baby to learn to sleep independently so your wife can SLEEP. It's a skill your baby needs, and it's time. If your baby is not yet crawling at 12 months, you address it. You need to address the sleep, now.

Oh important note: by "sleep through the night" I mean with a dream feed, and I fed on demand in the wee hours until she stopped waking up for it. I'm not suggesting baby not get enough food. I still feed close to every 2 hours during the day, which I think helps with the night needing less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have an almost 6-month-old. She was adamant she would never do cry-it-out and believed in more of an attachment parenting based philosophy. I was on board with it. Now it’s becoming more of an issue. Our baby only naps when being held, can’t self-soothe, and sleeps terribly at night. Often times he can’t be put down for more than 5 minutes without crying to be picked back up. It’s really starting to create problems. I try to be involved as much possible, but I work. She has been complaining about the sleep deprivation, aching back and arms from holding baby, and the fact that she can’t ever put him down. I do the evening and night wakings and he is up multiple times a night. He does still eat 2-3 times a night, but he wakes up many other times and then cries because he can’t put himself back to sleep. I’m exhausted and we are both surviving on 3-5 hours a night. I’ve been suggesting sleep training and moving him to his own room but she has refused to do it. I don’t know what to do.

Op

It seems funny you complaining to us about how your wife complains! We can not offer you advice if your wife isn't going to accept it. She is sleep deprived and probably hormonal. It takes a lot out of a woman mentally and physically, even six months later. Probably worried about being judged too. The only advice I can give you is to let your wife catch up on sleep and then talk to her calmly about your problem. When my baby was little I thought they would remember how traumatic weaning was ( because it was then) But nope they have zero memory of it.

Please be kind to your wife and yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to tell you, but I am a SAHM to a 7 month old. She started sleeping through the night without "sleep training" around 4 months, I think because we did Taking Cara Babies. I EBF, but DH started giving a pumped bottle at night so I could get 4-5 hours around 4 weeks. We absolutely got lucky with personality, but I was also DETERMINED to almost never hold for naps (of course early on it happens!) and to get to independent sleep as soon as possible, because I can't be my best for the baby when she's awake and alert if I'm not rested. When she finally dropped the 4am feed (on her own), it was life changing.

I think you need to focus your efforts on your wife's health. She's done great for the baby, who is happy and healthy right? Your wife needs to prioritize herself here! It is way past time for the baby to learn to sleep independently so your wife can SLEEP. It's a skill your baby needs, and it's time. If your baby is not yet crawling at 12 months, you address it. You need to address the sleep, now.

OP here. That is one of the courses recommended to us that my wife doesn’t want to take.

I know she needs to focus on herself. I tell her that all of the time but she always says “ I have the baby.”

My baby is thriving. The pediatrician actually said he is very advanced for his age and is a month ahead. He is already rolling over and on his way to sitting up. She has always been happy with things at his check-ups. He will play on the floor when someone is in the room, but doesn’t like when you leave him in the room alone. He does get plenty of playtime on the floor with a play gym and toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to tell you, but I am a SAHM to a 7 month old. She started sleeping through the night without "sleep training" around 4 months, I think because we did Taking Cara Babies. I EBF, but DH started giving a pumped bottle at night so I could get 4-5 hours around 4 weeks. We absolutely got lucky with personality, but I was also DETERMINED to almost never hold for naps (of course early on it happens!) and to get to independent sleep as soon as possible, because I can't be my best for the baby when she's awake and alert if I'm not rested. When she finally dropped the 4am feed (on her own), it was life changing.

I think you need to focus your efforts on your wife's health. She's done great for the baby, who is happy and healthy right? Your wife needs to prioritize herself here! It is way past time for the baby to learn to sleep independently so your wife can SLEEP. It's a skill your baby needs, and it's time. If your baby is not yet crawling at 12 months, you address it. You need to address the sleep, now.

OP here. That is one of the courses recommended to us that my wife doesn’t want to take.

I know she needs to focus on herself. I tell her that all of the time but she always says “ I have the baby.”

My baby is thriving. The pediatrician actually said he is very advanced for his age and is a month ahead. He is already rolling over and on his way to sitting up. She has always been happy with things at his check-ups. He will play on the floor when someone is in the room, but doesn’t like when you leave him in the room alone. He does get plenty of playtime on the floor with a play gym and toys.

The part about not liking when you leave the room is very normal, if that helps - even if your baby was sleep trained. Takes awhile for most babies to enjoy playing alone in a room. You can keep working on it in small increments and that’s great but normal to see some reaction right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your baby might not be neuro-typical (NT).

Your baby might be an HSP (highly sensitive person)--there are individuals who are HSP in every kind of social animal that has been studied about this; the group needs HSP individuals to survive (there are also Low SP individuals in every group as well). HSP indivduals have a fine-tuned or intensified senses. Pre-industrializtion, they helped the group because they are the first to detect the predator or prey, recognize changes in the weather, tell that the food is spoiled or poisoned etc. In modern life, it's hard for them because clothes can be itchy, sounds too loud, etc.

My now 18 y.o. is an HSP and a bit neuro-diverse (not NT, so SN--special needs) and is headed to a top 10 college in the fall (I'm trying to say, she's thriving). But raising her was really tough, and it started out this way. I aged so much that first year, from exhaustion.

I also have an NT kid and the difference between NT kid and SN kid is like raising a dog and a dolphin. To continue the analogy, the first step is recognizing you have a dolphin, not a dog, and treating accordingly. Also, fyi, not getting advice from dog parents. Dog parents will not understand why your little dolphin won't do what their dogs can do so easily, and will blame your parenting. But both types can perform--it's just recognizing what you have, and finding the right environment.

I'd reach out to your pediatrician and discuss it, OP. The issue isn't your wife complaining. The issue is that you have a high-maintenance baby and you both need some support and coping strategies.

This is what I think too. DCUM will tell you that all kids can be sleep trained etc but I have two very different kids and we did everything the same so I know they came out very different. Talk to the pediatrician. And go easy on your wife and yourself . You are both obviously trying to do the best for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your baby might not be neuro-typical (NT).

Your baby might be an HSP (highly sensitive person)--there are individuals who are HSP in every kind of social animal that has been studied about this; the group needs HSP individuals to survive (there are also Low SP individuals in every group as well). HSP indivduals have a fine-tuned or intensified senses. Pre-industrializtion, they helped the group because they are the first to detect the predator or prey, recognize changes in the weather, tell that the food is spoiled or poisoned etc. In modern life, it's hard for them because clothes can be itchy, sounds too loud, etc.

My now 18 y.o. is an HSP and a bit neuro-diverse (not NT, so SN--special needs) and is headed to a top 10 college in the fall (I'm trying to say, she's thriving). But raising her was really tough, and it started out this way. I aged so much that first year, from exhaustion.

I also have an NT kid and the difference between NT kid and SN kid is like raising a dog and a dolphin. To continue the analogy, the first step is recognizing you have a dolphin, not a dog, and treating accordingly. Also, fyi, not getting advice from dog parents. Dog parents will not understand why your little dolphin won't do what their dogs can do so easily, and will blame your parenting. But both types can perform--it's just recognizing what you have, and finding the right environment.

I'd reach out to your pediatrician and discuss it, OP. The issue isn't your wife complaining. The issue is that you have a high-maintenance baby and you both need some support and coping strategies.

This is what I think too. DCUM will tell you that all kids can be sleep trained etc but I have two very different kids and we did everything the same so I know they came out very different. Talk to the pediatrician. And go easy on your wife and yourself . You are both obviously trying to do the best for your child.

Dp. I wouldn't reach out to the pediatrician as most really can't offer advice. Your wife needs to realize that she has done a great job and eventually with sleep she will realize that her baby will sometimes be unhappy and that is ok. Nobody can be happy all the time. Your baby will also change and not mind being alone.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Co-sleeping is child abuse. Anyone who says otherwise is a child abuser or an ally of child abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Co-sleeping is child abuse. Anyone who says otherwise is a child abuser or an ally of child abuse.

be sure to let the authors of this romper article and all the scientific studies it cites showing benefits to the child know.

https://www.romper.com/p/9-ways-co-sleeping-affects-your-childs-personality-13775

In any case, I don’t see where OP said they were co-sleeping. AAP recommends sleeping in the same room with ones newborn until 6 months because it reduces SIDS risk

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-pros-and-cons-of-having-your-baby-sleep-in-your-room-2017060611855

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband strapped our kids onto his chest with a Baby Bjorn. Happy babies. Worked beautifully. I know there’s a lot out there about some slings/carriers not being good for legs. Our kids and their legs are fine.

OP here. We already use a carrier. He hasn’t helped for the baby pain.

Sorry, OP. It’s a hard time. It gets better. I know that doesn’t help a lot now, but it’s true. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Your wife sounds lazy. You do everything even though you work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to tell you, but I am a SAHM to a 7 month old. She started sleeping through the night without "sleep training" around 4 months, I think because we did Taking Cara Babies. I EBF, but DH started giving a pumped bottle at night so I could get 4-5 hours around 4 weeks. We absolutely got lucky with personality, but I was also DETERMINED to almost never hold for naps (of course early on it happens!) and to get to independent sleep as soon as possible, because I can't be my best for the baby when she's awake and alert if I'm not rested. When she finally dropped the 4am feed (on her own), it was life changing.

I think you need to focus your efforts on your wife's health. She's done great for the baby, who is happy and healthy right? Your wife needs to prioritize herself here! It is way past time for the baby to learn to sleep independently so your wife can SLEEP. It's a skill your baby needs, and it's time. If your baby is not yet crawling at 12 months, you address it. You need to address the sleep, now.

OP here. That is one of the courses recommended to us that my wife doesn’t want to take.

I know she needs to focus on herself. I tell her that all of the time but she always says “ I have the baby.”

My baby is thriving. The pediatrician actually said he is very advanced for his age and is a month ahead. He is already rolling over and on his way to sitting up. She has always been happy with things at his check-ups. He will play on the floor when someone is in the room, but doesn’t like when you leave him in the room alone. He does get plenty of playtime on the floor with a play gym and toys.

First, your baby isn’t “advanced”, OP. He’s normal. Lots of babies have been sitting up since five months and rolling at three.

But normal is good and he gets lots of playtime (you shouldn’t leave him alone) so the only issue is the baby’s sleep. Research no-cry sleep training options and start solids.