My Wife Always Complains

[Anonymous]

Actually op you are pretty obnoxious. All advice is met with nope, wife won't, baby doesn't have, doesn't need this or that.
You have been in charge of the blasted nights for a while now.
I doubt your wife is holding a gun to your head to hold the baby while she sleeps.
Do tell us where is your parenting skill? Since you are in charge of night and bed time, why did you not accomplish this miracle of having your baby be a better sleeper?
You get up with the baby at night, you put him to bed and you get him up in the morning.
Yet, this is your wife's fault?
I think not!
What is preventing your from implementing the sleeping cures that you are in favor of. Your wrote you wanted to try some soothing approaches. Why didn't you try them?

[Anonymous]

OP, I would agree with splitting duties at night. I was home with our baby and my husband worked. We split the nights like this: I'd go to bed at 9-930. He would care for the baby until whenever the baby woke up between 2-4am. Then he would go to sleep and I would be responsible. That way he got a solid 4-6 hours of sleep each night. Just because she's home all day with the baby does not mean she gets nights off. My H was working and it was important for him to get some good sleep too in order to function. 

Also, I could not sleep in the same room with my baby. Every little snort or noise kept me awake, and my baby was a loud sleeper. My H slept downstairs with the baby in a pack and play, and then brought him up to our room when it was time for him to sleep (my H can sleep through anything). At a minimum, ask for split shifts the nights before you go to work, I think that is reasonable. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually op you are pretty obnoxious. All advice is met with nope, wife won't, baby doesn't have, doesn't need this or that.
You have been in charge of the blasted nights for a while now.
I doubt your wife is holding a gun to your head to hold the baby while she sleeps.
Do tell us where is your parenting skill? Since you are in charge of night and bed time, why did you not accomplish this miracle of having your baby be a better sleeper?
You get up with the baby at night, you put him to bed and you get him up in the morning.
Yet, this is your wife's fault?
I think not!
What is preventing your from implementing the sleeping cures that you are in favor of. Your wrote you wanted to try some soothing approaches. Why didn't you try them?

OP sounds like he doesn’t want to sleep train because his wife doesn’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Are you saying that your wife held the baby since birth all night long?
For how long?
When did the baby sleep and how, in this holding scenario?
When did you decide to get the baby to sleep in some type of on his own*

[Anonymous]

Any plans for # 2? Any plans for how you will manage this no cry parenting approach with more than one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked with the pediatrician about these issues? Our ped always made us feel that we could ask her anything...and we did.

OP here. Yes. The pediatrician recommended we sleep train. My wife has refused to do it.

Why don't you do it if you are doing the night wakings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the baby sleep in bed with you. It will solve all your problems.

And create others. No, no, no to this.

OP your baby is not a newborn. At 6 months he should not still be eating during the night.

This. Unless he is under 13 pounds of so, he can go long stretches without needing to eat. Just because he wakes up at night doesn't mean he needs to be fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it’s possible that OP just has a very difficult baby, but they’ve never practiced or tried to get to independent sleep, so they don’t really know.

+1. OP, you’re the one doing nights by yourself, so you get to parent how you want. Read all the sleep stuff, make sure you’re keeping lights off, no play time at night, no rocking, give the baby exactly what they need (food/diaper/pat on the back), then back to bed. They need to learn that nights are for sleeping.

To all these posters, if this were the wife saying she was doing everything at night, husband wasn’t helping at all, but was dictating how she does it, you’d all call him a controlling ass and tell her to “leave him now, before it’s too late”.

I thought they are both doing nights? Either way, if she doesn't want to try to independent sleep, then she can do 100% of nights. She sounds bananas. Please tell me you are vaccinating your kid at least.

OP here. I do the evening routine, night wake ups, and morning with him. We are very pro vaccine.

That’s the problem. She isn’t waking up at night. She can do all the night waking. She is home with baby during the day and can nap when he naps. But that also means she needs to put him down in his crib. She has to figure that out—that holding him all day and waking up all night doesn’t work. You are enabling this craziness by going to the baby at night. Either she does to him or no one does, there, you just sleep trained

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you looking for from those of us trying to help you on this thread?

[Anonymous]

Hire a night nurse to sleep
Train. You are an idiot for putting up with her crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are on night duty, they you do as you please. Tell her that if she wants a specific routine at night then she is fully on duty. At the same time, do not tell her how to run the day time routine

THIS.
Don't micromanage her and she shouldn't micromanage you.
At 6 months, the kid recognizes you as different from her and will begin to adjust expectations accordingly.
-signed, mom of two kids who resorted t co-sleeping because now EX-dh refused to help out.

[Anonymous]

At the very least, you need to split the nights. Make a schedule like another poster said where you are each on duty for a five hour stretch so the other person gets a full five hours straight of sleep (plus whatever scraps of sleep they get in between wake ups during their shift). Give that a couple weeks and then try to have a more rational conversation when you are both better rested.

At some point, I think this may call for marital counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire a night nurse to sleep
Train. You are an idiot for putting up with her crap.

Yeah I really don’t understand why are you being so dumb about this OP. I suppose it is one thing if she is set on this, doing all the wake ups, and not complaining. But she IS complaining and YOU are the one waking up all night. WTF is wrong with you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Secure attachment is not broken because of 3 or 4 nights of cry it .

Failing to form a secure attachment as an infant is based on repeated having your needs met on a consistent basis for a long time. Secure attachment builds during each development cycle. It’s not a one and done thing.

Often we fail to recognize the signs of a budding anxious attachment and mistake it with secure. A child who can never be put down, always looks for mom, never or extremely hard to console by offers. They take it as a sign of how much the child needs them but it can be also an anxious attachment t bc the child doesn’t feel secure at certain development stages. Your DW needs to step away from Instagram and Tik Tok for attachment advice.

+1

I'd talk to the pediatrician about sleep training. He/she might be able to offer some gentler alternatives to just extinction/CIO. Ferber's method, for example, worked really well for us -- a few nights and the baby was sleeping much better -- and she was a securely attached, happy kid.

[Anonymous]

Have some sympathy for OP. It sounds like his wife controls 100% of everything about the baby and he can't do anything his way or try anything different if she doesn't approve. Even when he watches the baby he has to do it her way. Since she doesn't work I bet he is never alone with the baby either.