My Wife Always Complains

[Anonymous]

Op I’m so so sorry that sucks. Sleep training is amazing and don’t listen to anyone who says it doesn’t work. It does work but if your wife isn’t on board then not sure what to do unless you give an ultimatum and have her leave for a weekend to do it yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think this will pass. You can't force your wife into sleep training. It sounds like what she wants is recognition for how much effort she's putting into your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it’s possible that OP just has a very difficult baby, but they’ve never practiced or tried to get to independent sleep, so they don’t really know.

+1. OP, you’re the one doing nights by yourself, so you get to parent how you want. Read all the sleep stuff, make sure you’re keeping lights off, no play time at night, no rocking, give the baby exactly what they need (food/diaper/pat on the back), then back to bed. They need to learn that nights are for sleeping.

To all these posters, if this were the wife saying she was doing everything at night, husband wasn’t helping at all, but was dictating how she does it, you’d all call him a controlling ass and tell her to “leave him now, before it’s too late”.

I thought they are both doing nights? Either way, if she doesn't want to try to independent sleep, then she can do 100% of nights. She sounds bananas. Please tell me you are vaccinating your kid at least.

OP here. I do the evening routine, night wake ups, and morning with him. We are very pro vaccine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to have you child attend daycare in the future? It is very difficult for the younger ones to go from attachment parenting to a group care setting.

Practise the self soothing when the little one is fully awake and fed. If fussing, start stretching out how long before you scoop up. Sing and talk in calming voices saying you will be there soon and all is okay. This way the little one can start getting used to not being held all the time, and practise self soothing for short stretches to start.

OP here. We plan to have a nanny until he goes to school when she goes back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it’s possible that OP just has a very difficult baby, but they’ve never practiced or tried to get to independent sleep, so they don’t really know.

+1. OP, you’re the one doing nights by yourself, so you get to parent how you want. Read all the sleep stuff, make sure you’re keeping lights off, no play time at night, no rocking, give the baby exactly what they need (food/diaper/pat on the back), then back to bed. They need to learn that nights are for sleeping.

To all these posters, if this were the wife saying she was doing everything at night, husband wasn’t helping at all, but was dictating how she does it, you’d all call him a controlling ass and tell her to “leave him now, before it’s too late”.

I thought they are both doing nights? Either way, if she doesn't want to try to independent sleep, then she can do 100% of nights. She sounds bananas. Please tell me you are vaccinating your kid at least.

OP here. I do the evening routine, night wake ups, and morning with him. We are very pro vaccine.

No wonder your wife thinks her approach is working. Give her the night wake ups since you work.

[Anonymous]

Op I do agree that it is reasonable to go to your wife and ask for help at night. It is totally reasonable to split nights, she is working taking care of the baby during the day and you are working at your job, you both equally deserve some sleep and the type of nights you are doing on your own are not sustainable. You have to get some stretch of sleep, I’m amazed you’ve been doing it generally and then plus doing mornings, it honestly doesn’t seem fair or at all functional for you. Maybe you approach it like you understand how she feels and you want to be supportive but waking every 45 minutes at night is just not something you can continue and stay sane and safe. I think you all need to do shifts so you each get a stretch of sleep. So maybe you do the first stretch til 12-1am-ish and then she does the second. Research shows I think it’s a 4 or 5 hour stretch that can be incredibly good for your brain and generally staying functional.

It’s just not reasonable for her to say no to sleep training but not help during the night or mornings. You can’t survive like this.

[Anonymous]

I want to ask if perhaps the issue is reflux and not your wife not putting the baby down.
We all have lofty aspirations....prior to giving birth. I would look into your baby having reflux or something. It can be silent.
My dd did not sleep on her own for a year. Maybe it is not your wife but your baby?

[Anonymous]

I read some updates. It seems to me dw is competing with some insane friends who might not even do most of what they are preaching themselves!
Or they have babies that are great sleepers!
My ds slept 8 hours straight before he was 6 weeks old.
But, If I am being honest, I say 6 weeks bcs people judge me. He really slept that long at one stretch at night within a couple of weeks from being born.
I used to wake him up to feed him, but my supply was super low. After around 10 days of trying and trying I gave in and realized that I had no milk and was staring my baby. Yes, we did use formula to supplements, by some idiotic spoon delivery method so he won't refuse the breast after a bottle. Soon after that I threw away all the books, took no advice but from anyone and DS is perfectly fine and 22 years old about to graduate from college!
Other sanctimonious moms and women are the worst plague upon other moms and women!

If your wife is truly following some insane advice, she should go see her own mom!!! who will straightened her up pretty quick.

[Anonymous]

"she knows what her baby needs!"
LOL!
Honest to god, new moms have no idea what their babies need.
I was one of them once! I had no effing clue! It took me 10 months to figure out that my baby needed a morning and a noon nap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the baby sleep in bed with you. It will solve all your problems.

OP here. Neither of us sleep while in bed with him. Even then he wakes up multiple times. It has not solved any problems. Co-sleeping isn’t some magical cure.

Please look into reflux. Babies with reflux do not sleep. Or when they drift off it is while being held upright. Your wife surely put the baby down when newborn? Did you baby not sleep as a newborn? If the only way your baby slept as a newborn was on you, something is wrong with your boy. Something hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the baby sleep in bed with you. It will solve all your problems.

OP here. Neither of us sleep while in bed with him. Even then he wakes up multiple times. It has not solved any problems. Co-sleeping isn’t some magical cure.

Please look into reflux. Babies with reflux do not sleep. Or when they drift off it is while being held upright. Your wife surely put the baby down when newborn? Did you baby not sleep as a newborn? If the only way your baby slept as a newborn was on you, something is wrong with your boy. Something hurts.

OP here. Our baby doesn’t have reflux.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the baby sleep in bed with you. It will solve all your problems.

OP here. Neither of us sleep while in bed with him. Even then he wakes up multiple times. It has not solved any problems. Co-sleeping isn’t some magical cure.

Please look into reflux. Babies with reflux do not sleep. Or when they drift off it is while being held upright. Your wife surely put the baby down when newborn? Did you baby not sleep as a newborn? If the only way your baby slept as a newborn was on you, something is wrong with your boy. Something hurts.

Not all babies who don’t sleep have reflux. A large majority needs to taught how to sleep and they don’t have reflux. It sounds like the baby is used to being held and rocked to sleep that he can’t self-soothe. I doubt it has anything to do with reflux.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the baby sleep in bed with you. It will solve all your problems.

OP here. Neither of us sleep while in bed with him. Even then he wakes up multiple times. It has not solved any problems. Co-sleeping isn’t some magical cure.

Please look into reflux. Babies with reflux do not sleep. Or when they drift off it is while being held upright. Your wife surely put the baby down when newborn? Did you baby not sleep as a newborn? If the only way your baby slept as a newborn was on you, something is wrong with your boy. Something hurts.

Not all babies who don’t sleep have reflux. A large majority needs to taught how to sleep and they don’t have reflux. It sounds like the baby is used to being held and rocked to sleep that he can’t self-soothe. I doubt it has anything to do with reflux.

+1. Your baby is that way because your wife got him used to being held.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the baby sleep in bed with you. It will solve all your problems.

OP here. Neither of us sleep while in bed with him. Even then he wakes up multiple times. It has not solved any problems. Co-sleeping isn’t some magical cure.

Please look into reflux. Babies with reflux do not sleep. Or when they drift off it is while being held upright. Your wife surely put the baby down when newborn? Did you baby not sleep as a newborn? If the only way your baby slept as a newborn was on you, something is wrong with your boy. Something hurts.

This couldn’t be more wrong. Her baby was held from day one and is used to being held. Many babies who are held all day get used to it. It has nothing to do with reflux or the baby being in pain. I know many women who held their babies all day that has issues with putting the baby down. None had reflux nor any issues. Babies get used to being held and then don’t want to be put down.

Many newborns sleep on parents. That doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. This is such stupid advice. Many newborns miss being in the womb and like to be held.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the baby sleep in bed with you. It will solve all your problems.

OP here. Neither of us sleep while in bed with him. Even then he wakes up multiple times. It has not solved any problems. Co-sleeping isn’t some magical cure.

Please look into reflux. Babies with reflux do not sleep. Or when they drift off it is while being held upright. Your wife surely put the baby down when newborn? Did you baby not sleep as a newborn? If the only way your baby slept as a newborn was on you, something is wrong with your boy. Something hurts.

OP here. Our baby doesn’t have reflux.

How do you know? Reflux is often silent and not seen. It sounds like you have quite a muncher. Babies with it can overeat a ton and be fussy all the time. My reflux baby was skinny and refused to eat and threw up all the time.
My friends baby, also severe reflux, ate non stop, breastfed and demanded breast all the time for soothing purposes. Then screamed and wanted to be held all the time. Never spat up.