Let Wife Pick Name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband picked the name from our short list bc there was one he really loved the meaning of. I decided I’d rather one of us feel very connected to the name (and the other one is fine with it) vs us both just agreeing on something that was nice enough but nothing particularly special to either of us

Funnily the name he picked was Connor which I’ve really grown to love now that it’s my Connor

Right, but that's the situation now - OP's wife feels very connected to the name and he said he was fine with it but it's not his first choice.

And he got his pick of middle name, after himself. And he gets to pass down the last name.

Honestly the idea that OP is fighting her on this is kind of hard to even comprehend. I think that the fact he's disappeared means he was either looking for validation or has realized how badly he was behaving, and either way he slunk off.

[Anonymous]

Why are people talking about the child getting OPs last name? This is super common. Almost all babies get their dads last name. This is not a new concept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about the child getting OPs last name? This is super common. Almost all babies get their dads last name. This is not a new concept.

+1. People are acting like it’s so strange to give the baby the dads last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would be bummed if my child was getting my husband’s last and middle names, if he had a lot of say in narrowing names down to three, and then thought that he, the person not giving birth, should get the edge in the final decision.

I disagree. Most babies get the dads last name. The mom usually has the dads last name too. It’s not a new concept. Yes the woman is birthing the child, but it’s not just her child. Both parents should like and agree on the name. Growing the baby and giving birth is not as hard as raising the child, and you shouldn’t get some special treatment because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about the child getting OPs last name? This is super common. Almost all babies get their dads last name. This is not a new concept.

So. This is an archaic tradition that should absolutely be questioned. I didn’t take my husband’s name, and would absolutely have had an issue if he had simply assumed that our child would have his last name. Just because it’s common doesn’t make it right. Honestly, some men truly treat their women like they’re just incubators. Have a little respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about the child getting OPs last name? This is super common. Almost all babies get their dads last name. This is not a new concept.

+1. People are acting like it’s so strange to give the baby the dads last name.

Not strange. It’s just a name Dh gives. I’m conservative and took dhs last name. Even he concedes that he already got to choose the last name.

I will say that I was in this spot with Dh except I hated his name. I caved because it was his #1 and he refused to even like any other name. I still resent it and it caused tons of arguments. He let me name #2 entirely because he saw that I cared more and he later hated the name he forced me to pick too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that OP came back to answer a few factual questions, but has not otherwise engaged on the opinions expressed here. I guess we’re not useful if we’re not agreeing with him.

OP here. I got distracted and have been able to check this the last couple of hours. It has nothing to do with not agreeing. I asked the question for this reason. I didn’t see it from the point of view of him getting my middle name or last name. My last name is hers too so he will be gettin our last name. She suggested we name use my middle name for his middle name because she likes it. I would be fine if she didn’t want to use my middle name. I will go ahead and go with her choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about the child getting OPs last name? This is super common. Almost all babies get their dads last name. This is not a new concept.

So. This is an archaic tradition that should absolutely be questioned. I didn’t take my husband’s name, and would absolutely have had an issue if he had simply assumed that our child would have his last name. Just because it’s common doesn’t make it right. Honestly, some men truly treat their women like they’re just incubators. Have a little respect.

It’s not disrespectful to take a mans name or give hour child his last name. Most people do not delete this way about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about the child getting OPs last name? This is super common. Almost all babies get their dads last name. This is not a new concept.

It’s irrelevant whether it’s common or not- it’s still one of many examples of how things are already skewed to the father’s benefit- hence why it makes it fair for the mother to at least get primary say in the first name to slightly even the balance out. (I’m sure if a father was willing/able to somehow gestate and deliver the baby, breastfeed and serve as the primary parent for the early years, and have the baby take the mother’s family name most mothers would happily hand over the privilege of selecting the first name).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking about the child getting OPs last name? This is super common. Almost all babies get their dads last name. This is not a new concept.

So. This is an archaic tradition that should absolutely be questioned. I didn’t take my husband’s name, and would absolutely have had an issue if he had simply assumed that our child would have his last name. Just because it’s common doesn’t make it right. Honestly, some men truly treat their women like they’re just incubators. Have a little respect.

It’s not disrespectful to take a mans name or give hour child his last name. Most people do not delete this way about it.

It’s disrespectful to blithely assume this is the way it will be. Man and woman are equals in the relationship, and there should be a discussion. It is not a given that the woman will give up her last name, or give the last name of the father to the baby. It doesn’t matter what “most” people feel about it. Each person and each relationship is unique.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would be bummed if my child was getting my husband’s last and middle names, if he had a lot of say in narrowing names down to three, and then thought that he, the person not giving birth, should get the edge in the final decision.

I disagree. Most babies get the dads last name. The mom usually has the dads last name too. It’s not a new concept. Yes the woman is birthing the child, but it’s not just her child. Both parents should like and agree on the name. Growing the baby and giving birth is not as hard as raising the child, and you shouldn’t get some special treatment because of it.

Actually the law gives her special treatment in naming the child. They won’t file the birth certificate without the mothers signature. Son in essence her giving her husband any say at all is a generous thing for her to do.

As for your “most babies get the dads last name” assertion, assuming this isn’t just weak trolling, that is true in the United States when the parents are married and if the wife changed her name. Many people posting have a broader experience than that.

[Anonymous]

Obviously it’s not weird for a child to get his father’s surname. It’s just that is one more way that the name of the child is impacted by the father. It shouldn’t matter much, but ask men how they feel about their child getting the mothers last name (or maiden name) instead of his, and a lot of men feel uncomfortable with the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are expecting our first child - a boy - very soon. My wife has fallen in love with one name and really wants it for our son. I don’t love it but I also don’t hate it. We had 5 names and then cut it down to 3. I prefer another name but she really wants one of the others on our list. He will have my middle name. Should I just let my wife name our son the name she likes?

Please excuse me if this not the correct section. I wasn’t sure where to post this.

Is your son getting your last name? If so, given you don't hate it than let your wife choose. Can you share what the name is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. What are the names? So many people are picking the ugliest and weirdest names. I feel bad for the kids.

OP here. This is a little rude. Names are Connor ( her pick), Owen, and Caleb ( my pick). Middle name will be Matthew.

Connor Matthew is nice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait to see what the baby looks like. I think it’s bad luck to name before meeting the baby. I had a list of 3-5 and my newborns seriously did not look like some of the names.

PP you are being ridiculous. Both kids we named them before we met them and both love their names! They fit them to a T. Stop being so superstitious.