Let Wife Pick Name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing he’s getting your last name too?

Seems like if his last name will be your family name, and he will have your middle name, that it would be fair to give home your wife’s first choice for first name, which has been pre-approved and vetted by you.

+1

Also, apologize to your wife for digging in on this. He’s getting 2/3 names of your selection and she’s doing all the work right now. Plus Connor is a nice name.

Most kids get the dads ( and moms last name) if they’re married and the mom took the dads last name. I don’t agree with you on the name thing. You have to like your kids name. I wouldn’t just give in if I didn’t like the name.

[Anonymous]

So of three names, you get two, and you're going to haggle over one, when you don't even actively dislike it?

Wow. She's going through a lot of discomfort, change and stress to essentially hand you a baby. You get two out of three names and still want yet more?

[Anonymous]

You seem like a very selfish person, OP. MY way or the high way. Concede.

Otherwise, if you have another child She gets to pick the entire name, that's your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing he’s getting your last name too?

Seems like if his last name will be your family name, and he will have your middle name, that it would be fair to give home your wife’s first choice for first name, which has been pre-approved and vetted by you.

OP here. He is getting my last name.

Well I think you have your answer then.

And agree with PP that you might want to apologize for arguing about it. My husband really dug in on his first choice name and outright rejected every other name I proposed. Even though I liked his first choice, I was unsure and felt frustrated that his opinions drove the process. He wound up getting his way, but after giving birth to our child I felt resentful about how he handled it and it actually became a thing in our marriage for a while. It’s still a sore spot for me.

Be kind to the woman who is using her own body to build a whole new member of your family. She deserves that kindness.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your argument for why you should “win” here? Hers is obvious - you’re getting the middle and last names, she should get to have a preference among acceptable names for the first name. You have to be willing to compromise somewhere, it can’t always be 100% your way all the time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe go with her pick for this one, but tell her if you two have another son down the road that you would like to nane it Caleb.

Personally, we kept going until we found a name we could both agree on. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Given that the baby is carrying your name as middle and last, I do think you should agree to go with Connor (great name, by the way). If your wife has fallen in love with it she may already feel like the baby IS Connor and really struggle with you demanding to call the baby by a different name. If you’re ok with the name, let this one be your wife’s final decision (you did weigh in on the short list so it’s not like you’ve had no say in the process).

[Anonymous]

Let her have it.

My husband vetoed the name I loved and I got tired of debating. A year later, he apologized for being pushy and admitted he regrets the name he insisted upon. My name would have been a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. What are the names? So many people are picking the ugliest and weirdest names. I feel bad for the kids.

OP here. This is a little rude. Names are Connor ( her pick), Owen, and Caleb ( my pick). Middle name will be Matthew.

Love the name Connor!

[Anonymous]

Connor Matthew is a wonderful name. Yes, make your wife happy.

I don't think PP was rude by the way, just really honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her have it.

My husband vetoed the name I loved and I got tired of debating. A year later, he apologized for being pushy and admitted he regrets the name he insisted upon. My name would have been a better fit.

This. My husband was hung up on giving our child a name he had picked. Like simply liking and agreeing with a name I picked felt too passive to him. We wound up giving her a name he proposed that I really liked, but his rigidity made the process a source of pain, not joy for me. I like our daughter’s name and feel it suits her, but when I think about how we named her, it still makes me a little frustrated.

Some men develop a concerning attitude when they are about to become fathers, it’s like... proprietary. I think it has to do with how little they have to do, compared to women, during pregnancy and childbirth. Mine thankfully chilled out once the baby arrived and he could develop a relationship with her directly. But that tendency is not great.

[Anonymous]

DH was a huge pita when it came to naming our son. Threw out all typical/normal names. We ended up with a weird group of names, two of which are more typically girls names (think Avery) and two of which were Italian names (neither of us is Italian, he just loved names like Guilio, Stephano, etc). I finally picked out of the group of finalists, but still am resentful that I presented more than 50 names that he rejected, perfercty normal, nice names. He is the party of no in so many things--he doesn't necessarily present a lod of options, just makes me do all the work and then vetoes. . He did this with buying a house too and we are living in a house that we paid too much for and that I dont like. trust me, this is not a recipe for happiness. You guys have come to a compromise already, with three names. Let her select the one she likes the most, esp given its your middle and last name!

[Anonymous]

Wait to see what the baby looks like. I think it’s bad luck to name before meeting the baby. I had a list of 3-5 and my newborns seriously did not look like some of the names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait to see what the baby looks like. I think it’s bad luck to name before meeting the baby. I had a list of 3-5 and my newborns seriously did not look like some of the names.

This is great advice. I think all 3 names are wonderful, OP. Your child will do well with any of them, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Of course your wife should get her pick for first name. As you already said, you like the name. She feels strongly about it. Give it to her. Why wouldn't you? Are you always this oppositional?

FWIW, Owen is terrible. A good name for an Owl, not a child.