Are single people in their thirties really the “undesirables”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do all the heathy well adjusted attractive people really just find themselves in marriages by their late twenties? All that are left are the weird losers?

Yes. It's literally natural selection. Single in 30s is almost always due to character flaws and mucho baggage -- and how could you not have tons of baggage after 15+ years of failed dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who marry before 25 are the real undesirables.

Yeah, they should have been mindless consumers, drunk brunches, traveled and hooked up with random people for another 10 years, then cry about their IVF issues. Dream big, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are strange question for a board that is dc focused. Almost all of my girlfriends including myself married either close to thirty or by mid-thirties. We are all lawyers with two doctors, a PhD, and a banker thrown in so lots of graduate school. For myself i was in many serious relationships but unready to marry And focused on getting my footing in my career. This was the case until I met DH at 30. We dated for 2 years, he proposed then we planned our wedding etc for another year before we married.

This right here. The people I knew who married in early-to-mid 20s were very religious, small town world outlook, believed marriage was a badge of adulthood, had the mentality in the first place that you need to meet your spouse in college, and also ... let's just say ... needed to lock in the first taker they found.

On the other hand, plenty of people I knew who waited until their 30s to settle down did so precisely because they had the looks and career to "wait" -- they enjoyed dating around in college and their 20s as much as possible, traveling, hooking up, etc., and knew they'd get snapped up fast in their early 30s when they were ready to tie the knot, and that's exactly what happened. Rather than being the ones who were running out of time, there is absolutely a group who can afford to have adventures and put off marriage until 30s because they are an attractive commodity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are strange question for a board that is dc focused. Almost all of my girlfriends including myself married either close to thirty or by mid-thirties. We are all lawyers with two doctors, a PhD, and a banker thrown in so lots of graduate school. For myself i was in many serious relationships but unready to marry And focused on getting my footing in my career. This was the case until I met DH at 30. We dated for 2 years, he proposed then we planned our wedding etc for another year before we married.

This right here. The people I knew who married in early-to-mid 20s were very religious, small town world outlook, believed marriage was a badge of adulthood, had the mentality in the first place that you need to meet your spouse in college, and also ... let's just say ... needed to lock in the first taker they found.

On the other hand, plenty of people I knew who waited until their 30s to settle down did so precisely because they had the looks and career to "wait" -- they enjoyed dating around in college and their 20s as much as possible, traveling, hooking up, etc., and knew they'd get snapped up fast in their early 30s when they were ready to tie the knot, and that's exactly what happened. Rather than being the ones who were running out of time, there is absolutely a group who can afford to have adventures and put off marriage until 30s because they are an attractive commodity.

You're projecting. Chastising happy and balanced peers who married young, then glorifying pissing your 20s and 30s away on consumerism, an extra promotion, brunches, and gross random hookups. Being a young bride and mother is the ideal, being the neurotic 35-yo IVF bride with a balding husband sure isn't.

[Anonymous]

The women are the undesirables. The men are very desired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think so. I'm 35 and many of my peers who are 35-37. The ones who aren't married are usually a bit off. Either weird personality or not attractive or both. Sure there's some people who've fallen through the cracks but that's more atypical and comes as a surprise.

I'm noticing a trend where the ones who are just now getting married are marrying less desirable men too. Balding, fat, divorced with older kids. Women don't choose these men unless there's no other options.

There's a few who aren't married but have been with their boyfriends 5+ years. I'm curious to see if those boyfriends will marry them or dump them and leave them out to dry at the end of their fertile years.

Why is balding again mentioned on here as less desirable? It's hereditary. Plus it should theoretically be more attractive because it means more testosterone.

Unless your name is Cory Booker or Vin Diesel, it's not generally an attractive look for men. It just isn't. Sorry. SO many of my old HS friends were much more attractive looking 10 years ago, before they started losing their hairline.

[Anonymous]

One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

10 years of bottomless mimosas and bellinis, traveling, shoes, hookups with random men, and those $10K and $20K salary bumps from promotions*, were *so* worth it! Kids during peak fertility? What am I, some Bible-thumping hick? As if!

*spent on IVF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are strange question for a board that is dc focused. Almost all of my girlfriends including myself married either close to thirty or by mid-thirties. We are all lawyers with two doctors, a PhD, and a banker thrown in so lots of graduate school. For myself i was in many serious relationships but unready to marry And focused on getting my footing in my career. This was the case until I met DH at 30. We dated for 2 years, he proposed then we planned our wedding etc for another year before we married.

This right here. The people I knew who married in early-to-mid 20s were very religious, small town world outlook, believed marriage was a badge of adulthood, had the mentality in the first place that you need to meet your spouse in college, and also ... let's just say ... needed to lock in the first taker they found.

On the other hand, plenty of people I knew who waited until their 30s to settle down did so precisely because they had the looks and career to "wait" -- they enjoyed dating around in college and their 20s as much as possible, traveling, hooking up, etc., and knew they'd get snapped up fast in their early 30s when they were ready to tie the knot, and that's exactly what happened. Rather than being the ones who were running out of time, there is absolutely a group who can afford to have adventures and put off marriage until 30s because they are an attractive commodity.

You're projecting. Chastising happy and balanced peers who married young, then glorifying pissing your 20s and 30s away on consumerism, an extra promotion, brunches, and gross random hookups. Being a young bride and mother is the ideal, being the neurotic 35-yo IVF bride with a balding husband sure isn't.

Actually there's a ton of data that shows marrying young leads to more unhappiness and a higher divorce rate.

I live in a city where it's normal to get married 18-25 and every woman I know who married that young is miserable. They weren't old and experienced enough to figure out what they wanted in a partner, and many ended up with deadbeat husbands. Now they're struggling to start a career while raising children with little help from dad.

I'm not totally sure why you equate being single in your 20s with consumerism and brunches. We do more brunches now as a family than I ever did single. And if you think consumerism is bad among 20-year-olds, it's a million times worse among parents. All those toys....

The extra time spent working in my 20s ensured I could land a job with flexibility after kids arrived. All my friends who had children in their early 20s are stressed out trying to do school, start a career, and pay a mortgage (if they're even lucky enough to have mortgage - most are just pissing money away on rent).

My hookups were never gross, mostly were pretty darn hot ☺️ Gives me something to fantasize about when I need to spice things up!

And I've never known any neurotic 35 year old IVF brides. The only neurotic one I knew was my sister, who desperately wanted to have kids young and freaked a lot of guys out.

Everyone should do what is best for them without feeling pressured. For many people, delaying marriage is the right choice. If you marry young and loved it, great, but not everyone needs to make the same choice as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

All those women going to brunches and making money. Next thing you know they'll be wearing deodorants and bras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

10 years of bottomless mimosas and bellinis, traveling, shoes, hookups with random men, and those $10K and $20K salary bumps from promotions*, were *so* worth it! Kids during peak fertility? What am I, some Bible-thumping hick? As if!

*spent on IVF

You seem very threatened by IVF.

I feel very sad for you. It sounds like your whole identity is wrapped up in the fact that you reproduced without it. That's a terrible way to live.

BTW, having children young isn't a guarantee. My best friend started having children in her early 20s, had an incompetent cervix, multiple stillbirths, multiple procedures, and needs to be on bedrest almost her entire pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

10 years of bottomless mimosas and bellinis, traveling, shoes, hookups with random men, and those $10K and $20K salary bumps from promotions*, were *so* worth it! Kids during peak fertility? What am I, some Bible-thumping hick? As if!

*spent on IVF

Most people seem pretty happy with their choices, except for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One poster here seems really freaked out by brunches.

All those women going to brunches and making money. Next thing you know they'll be wearing deodorants and bras.

Duh, everything women enjoy is dumb and they need to get married to serve a man and his kids. Money spent on herself? How silly, a man could use her salary for something useful, like beer.

[Anonymous]

So you can't go to brunches or travel once you're married? I married early-ish and went to many years of brunches and did tons traveling before I had kids in my 30s.

Of course I doubled down on my career and education, despite being married, so that stereotype also doesnt fit either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I think there’s a big spectrum. I do think some of the most eligible people get married at 25, but there’s another big push in the 30s too. 25-35 is very normal

Nearly all of the most eligible are married or engaged by 27.