Just found out that husband is on Only Fans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time, emotionally. The only thing that you can do is completely
Voice your feelings and opinions. It may be time for a reset sort of conversation. Usually we have these conversations at the beginning of relationships to establish our expectations and boundaries for the relationship. In long-term relationships, it is critical to continue to have these conversations over time. It’s okay to have different relationship expectations than other people here on DCUM. Many are okay with porn, and many are not okay with porn. You should be honest and tell your husband that paying for access to specific acts is not something you are okay with. Maybe he doesn’t know you are not okay with since you were already okay with porn?

It's not just porn. It's paying women to perform specific sexual acts that their followers have requested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we assume OP that you are not having much sex with him these days due to your lack of interest? So I think you should appreciate the fact his alternative source is online and not IRL.

So she's supposed to be grateful that he wants this crap?

Wow. Great way to make excuses for trash behavior, PP. You know he's not going to switch off this stuff the second OP births that baby.

An actually mature, thinking human being with some control over himself and an imagination can manage while waiting for the person he supposedly respects and loves, and without the aid of porn or IRL outside-the-marriage sex. Don't trot out the idiotic "But men are visual creatures and just have to have images for stimulation!" lecture. That makes it sound as if poor little men are such brainless automatons that they just can't function without porn. They can. People like you enable it with your "pregnancy makes it all OK" excuses.

+1. Pregnancy is a temporary situation. Can you imagine if a woman whose husband had, say, cancer said "oh well, guess I gotta go hop on a dating app and flirt with random dudes online since you're too sick for anything! Sorry, but I need nice dates and vacations to get off! You should appreciate it since now you don't have to do it yourself!" She'd be ripped apart.

If you can't deal with setting aside your own needs temporarily due to health reasons, you shouldn't get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we assume OP that you are not having much sex with him these days due to your lack of interest? So I think you should appreciate the fact his alternative source is online and not IRL.

So she's supposed to be grateful that he wants this crap?

Wow. Great way to make excuses for trash behavior, PP. You know he's not going to switch off this stuff the second OP births that baby.

An actually mature, thinking human being with some control over himself and an imagination can manage while waiting for the person he supposedly respects and loves, and without the aid of porn or IRL outside-the-marriage sex. Don't trot out the idiotic "But men are visual creatures and just have to have images for stimulation!" lecture. That makes it sound as if poor little men are such brainless automatons that they just can't function without porn. They can. People like you enable it with your "pregnancy makes it all OK" excuses.

+1. Pregnancy is a temporary situation. Can you imagine if a woman whose husband had, say, cancer said "oh well, guess I gotta go hop on a dating app and flirt with random dudes online since you're too sick for anything! Sorry, but I need nice dates and vacations to get off! You should appreciate it since now you don't have to do it yourself!" She'd be ripped apart.

If you can't deal with setting aside your own needs temporarily due to health reasons, you shouldn't get married.

+1

Honestly, or have kids. Because let's be real, anyone that impulsive and selfish is going to make a really lousy, subpar, stunted parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time, emotionally. The only thing that you can do is completely
Voice your feelings and opinions. It may be time for a reset sort of conversation. Usually we have these conversations at the beginning of relationships to establish our expectations and boundaries for the relationship. In long-term relationships, it is critical to continue to have these conversations over time. It’s okay to have different relationship expectations than other people here on DCUM. Many are okay with porn, and many are not okay with porn. You should be honest and tell your husband that paying for access to specific acts is not something you are okay with. Maybe he doesn’t know you are not okay with since you were already okay with porn?

It's not just porn. It's paying women to perform specific sexual acts that their followers have requested.

Yeah, true. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that maybe he is truly unaware that she perceives this to be different. If she has always been okay with pornography in their marriage, his thought process could have totally been innocent and thought these things were similar. I say this as a wife who is completely against pornography in my marriage. I think the only thing she can do is voice her opinion and make it clear that this new app or whatever it is crosses her boundaries into what she finds acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d go nuclear on him.

I did something similar when my H was being a creep while I was pregnant. We were on vacation, so I packed up, went home, and moved out. Didn’t move back in until I made it very clear that if it ever happened again, he would lose half his money, half his time with his child, and would never see me again.

I know people will say it’s too extreme but I’ve learned that men don’t GAF unless there are severe consequences. Act like a dog, get treated like one.

FYSA-- your husband will just be more careful the next time he cheats. The only thing your explosive reaction taught him is to be more careful.

So what's the alternative? Say nothing and let it continue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

Well, and I would have two very different reactions if I found my husband looking at child porn, or found him engaged in a sex act with an actual child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

Well, and I would have two very different reactions if I found my husband looking at child porn, or found him engaged in a sex act with an actual child.

NP. I would hope so, but that's not the point... the point is sexual acts can take place with digital materials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

I mean, it might be a digital image, but it’s illegal/immoral because there is a real child being hurt somewhere. If it were just a cartoon of a child it would be creepy and gross, but not illegal.

What if it's someone just taking pictures of their own kids naked and selling them? The child isn't being "hurt", but it's still illegal and wrong. Still a sex act.

BTW I love how the bar for men is so low that "well it's not child porn!" is an acceptable excuse. If I flirted with men online, my DH would freak out (as would most husbands I know). Hell, my best friend gets screamed at by her DH if she happens to glance at another man, while he'll openly say he's sick of her postpartum body and would rather be sleeping with 18 year olds (all while demanding she sleep with him).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

Well, and I would have two very different reactions if I found my husband looking at child porn, or found him engaged in a sex act with an actual child.

If you would even consider shrugging child porn off as "just digital", you're seriously messed up. If I ever caught my DH looking at it, I'd immediately turn all evidence over to the police, divorce, and make sure he never saw our kids again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

Well, and I would have two very different reactions if I found my husband looking at child porn, or found him engaged in a sex act with an actual child.

This is bordering off-topic. But, How do you react differently to these situations? They are both equally immoral, illegal, and disgusting. I love my husband, but I would alert authorities immediately if I found either of these to be true and he was knowingly consuming this content or engaging in this behavior. We would be over in a heartbeat. Do you really find these two things completely different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

I mean, it might be a digital image, but it’s illegal/immoral because there is a real child being hurt somewhere. If it were just a cartoon of a child it would be creepy and gross, but not illegal.

What if it's someone just taking pictures of their own kids naked and selling them? The child isn't being "hurt", but it's still illegal and wrong. Still a sex act.

BTW I love how the bar for men is so low that "well it's not child porn!" is an acceptable excuse. If I flirted with men online, my DH would freak out (as would most husbands I know). Hell, my best friend gets screamed at by her DH if she happens to glance at another man, while he'll openly say he's sick of her postpartum body and would rather be sleeping with 18 year olds (all while demanding she sleep with him).

Right?! Some of these women, who will always crawl of the woodwork like cockroaches to defend the most low value men in the most incoherent ways, are just pathetic and embarrassing to see. Oh well. Usually they end up hurting themselves by making a fool of themselves by tolerating horrible behavior

[Anonymous]

STDs/stis can cause serious harm to a fetus and/or newborn.

Depending on the STD, blindness, deafness, brain retardation, etc.

It is no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

Well, and I would have two very different reactions if I found my husband looking at child porn, or found him engaged in a sex act with an actual child.

If you would even consider shrugging child porn off as "just digital", you're seriously messed up. If I ever caught my DH looking at it, I'd immediately turn all evidence over to the police, divorce, and make sure he never saw our kids again.

Omfg. Yes. He’s a pedophile if he’s looking at child porn to get turned on. It won’t just be digital. It’s in his f@cking brain. They are the one group that cannot be rehabilitated...which is why chemical castration is on the table for the egregious ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

Well, and I would have two very different reactions if I found my husband looking at child porn, or found him engaged in a sex act with an actual child.

NP. I would hope so, but that's not the point... the point is sexual acts can take place with digital materials.

I'm sorry, I posted this comment without reading the whole thing and I assumed the PP was saying she would have different reactions if she found CP vs an OnlyFans sub. I had no idea and cant even fathom that the PP appears to be shrugging off CP.

The mind boggles at how many dangerously stupid and also just straight up evil people there are out there in the world. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a dealbreaker for me. It's amazing to me how low the bar is for men- apparently now women are okay with them literally paying for sex acts. Pathetic society

He's not "paying for sex acts". It's all digital.

Digital doesn’t mean it’s not sexual or immoral. Child porn is digital.

Well, and I would have two very different reactions if I found my husband looking at child porn, or found him engaged in a sex act with an actual child.

If you would even consider shrugging child porn off as "just digital", you're seriously messed up. If I ever caught my DH looking at it, I'd immediately turn all evidence over to the police, divorce, and make sure he never saw our kids again.

Omfg. Yes. He’s a pedophile if he’s looking at child porn to get turned on. It won’t just be digital. It’s in his f@cking brain. They are the one group that cannot be rehabilitated...which is why chemical castration is on the table for the egregious ones.

A family member is LEO and has worked many pedophilia cases. Even the ones that are “just child porn” are extremely disturbing. It’s never just porn, they always escalate. And the things people do to produce child porn are absolutely horrifying and will keep you up at night. It doesn’t matter if a guy isn’t actively doing it, either he has, he will, or he has no problem with other people doing it.