Men - tell me if my career and income are negatives when it comes to dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say “we” have a place there? Isn’t it your beach house? The “we” would be off putting to me. I’d feel you didn’t have time to date - you are taken by this “we” group. Kids? Ex?

I thought the same thing.

I agree. Plus you could have just left it at, “yeah I love it there!”

This is what I would say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

OP, unlike most of the other PPs, I am a man. Moreover, I am a divorced man age 55, and I am seeking out women just like you online (age 45-55 who have graduate degrees). I do see women like you who clearly earn more than me (I.e. women who have MDs or are law partners or VPs). I love my job as a contractor and am happy with how much I make (~$180k). My concern would be that you are looking for a similar high-earner type of man (another VP or law partner type) and would not be satisfied with a guy who makes “respectable money” but less than you.

So yes it is possible guys are ruling you out at an early stage. Call it insecurity if you like.

Don’t know what you can do about it though.

[Anonymous]

Given all your "stuff" I think what would put me off. In other words your life is very mapped out and it seems like it would be hard to fit in it as a man. There wouldn't be an "us" just your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

OP, unlike most of the other PPs, I am a man. Moreover, I am a divorced man age 55, and I am seeking out women just like you online (age 45-55 who have graduate degrees). I do see women like you who clearly earn more than me (I.e. women who have MDs or are law partners or VPs). I love my job as a contractor and am happy with how much I make (~$180k). My concern would be that you are looking for a similar high-earner type of man (another VP or law partner type) and would not be satisfied with a guy who makes “respectable money” but less than you.

So yes it is possible guys are ruling you out at an early stage. Call it insecurity if you like.

Don’t know what you can do about it though.

Thank you for this response. I will tell you that I don’t care if someone makes as much or more than me. Respectable money is just fine. My Ex made way more money than I did and look how that turned out.

[Anonymous]

OP said she makes mid six figures. Some PPs took that as 150k, some took it as 500k. I'm curious which is correct.

Also, PP who looks down on beach homes...why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

OP, unlike most of the other PPs, I am a man. Moreover, I am a divorced man age 55, and I am seeking out women just like you online (age 45-55 who have graduate degrees). I do see women like you who clearly earn more than me (I.e. women who have MDs or are law partners or VPs). I love my job as a contractor and am happy with how much I make (~$180k). My concern would be that you are looking for a similar high-earner type of man (another VP or law partner type) and would not be satisfied with a guy who makes “respectable money” but less than you.

So yes it is possible guys are ruling you out at an early stage. Call it insecurity if you like.

Don’t know what you can do about it though.

Thank you for this response. I will tell you that I don’t care if someone makes as much or more than me. Respectable money is just fine. My Ex made way more money than I did and look how that turned out.

To the man who posted....you are being silly. 180k is a perfectly fine salary. I actually think women who make more money than that might be MORE likely to date you than women who make, say, five figures, because the women who make five figures may care more about having their incomes supplemented more.

I am dating someone who makes around 100k. I will admit, that gives me pause a bit simply because he hasn’t saved much for retirement so I worry about having to spend my savings to care for him in old age. But 180k esp if you have saved reasonably well for retirement is fine.

That’s just me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

I'm 51 years old, attractive and in great shape. Very good job, no ego, hard worker and nice. Would love to meet you for a cup of coffee.
R

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who is in her 40s and has never been married. She's always very together, she is pretty, in shape, very smart. So much going for her. But she just is off putting much of the time and she doesn't see it. She sees herself as presenting professional, competent, kind. But it's like it's somehow practiced. I don't think it is, but she . . . she's just never relaxed, at ease, easy.

All of that makes her really good at her job, but no so good at being someone you just want to hang out with.

She starts dating someone, she's excited, then it never goes anywhere after a few dates. I can only think it's the easy thing. And I don't mean easy as in sex.

I have a similar friend. Good person, but comes off as unlikable. It causes her problems with dating, job interviews, you name it. She’s oblivious and doesn’t take feedback well.

She’s very insecure, so early on she will work into first date conversations about the expensive house she bought herself (not true, her parents and ex husband helped, but I digress), her masters, or anything else she thinks might make her sound impressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said she makes mid six figures. Some PPs took that as 150k, some took it as 500k. I'm curious which is correct.

Also, PP who looks down on beach homes...why?

I thought 400-600k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

OP, unlike most of the other PPs, I am a man. Moreover, I am a divorced man age 55, and I am seeking out women just like you online (age 45-55 who have graduate degrees). I do see women like you who clearly earn more than me (I.e. women who have MDs or are law partners or VPs). I love my job as a contractor and am happy with how much I make (~$180k). My concern would be that you are looking for a similar high-earner type of man (another VP or law partner type) and would not be satisfied with a guy who makes “respectable money” but less than you.

So yes it is possible guys are ruling you out at an early stage. Call it insecurity if you like.

Don’t know what you can do about it though.

Thank you for this response. I will tell you that I don’t care if someone makes as much or more than me. Respectable money is just fine. My Ex made way more money than I did and look how that turned out.

To the man who posted....you are being silly. 180k is a perfectly fine salary. I actually think women who make more money than that might be MORE likely to date you than women who make, say, five figures, because the women who make five figures may care more about having their incomes supplemented more.

I am dating someone who makes around 100k. I will admit, that gives me pause a bit simply because he hasn’t saved much for retirement so I worry about having to spend my savings to care for him in old age. But 180k esp if you have saved reasonably well for retirement is fine.

That’s just me though.

I think my salary is fine. Just not sure she would. The concern is she’d want “equal status” type guys.

My retirement is really solid. >$1 mill in retirement plans plus company pension and considerable home equity. So, don’t need anyone’s money.

I wonder if there’s a way for her to indicate the type of man she’s looking for - how to say “I don’t care what you make” but not in so many words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 32, no kids, never been married. My BF (38) jokes with me that he could date a 1k/hour lawyer, however, he found women like that always compete with him. Men, to a certain extent, don't care about your job. Have a job that pays your bills and isn't embarrassing, beyond that if they also make money they just find it annoying.

Aren’t you quite the progressive. How pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 32, no kids, never been married. My BF (38) jokes with me that he could date a 1k/hour lawyer, however, he found women like that always compete with him. Men, to a certain extent, don't care about your job. Have a job that pays your bills and isn't embarrassing, beyond that if they also make money they just find it annoying.

Aren’t you quite the progressive. How pathetic.

Yes, having a decent job is very pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need hobbies so that you can be more interesting as a person. They also might be looking for someone with a bit more culture. Read books you are interested in; attend lectures; go down rabbit holes where you learn more about Frida Kahlo. Be curious about the world. I also have a poor opinion of anyone who admits to having a beach house. This post made me realize I have stereotypes about the level of intelligence of those people. They are either old money in which case it isn't there fault a great someone bought a house. But if they bought a house, I give a side eye.

You're pretentious. Get a life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

Man here: in general, men don’t view your career or income as a primary consideration when choosing who to date, it doesn’t affect that nearly as much as other things, including physical attractiveness, sexuality, and personality. It is a canard that men are somehow “threatened” by this. The major confusion, I think, is that many women expect it to be a positive and it isn’t, and they interpret that as it being a negative factor, which it really isn’t.

Several caveats: if your career is sufficiently intense and demanding, some men will wonder if you actually have sufficient time and energy for a relationship on top of that. Men are also aware that a great many women have a strong preference to date men with higher status than themselves, so may exercise some caution in light of that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care but then again I am in a similar career so it wouldn't intimidate me. Neither a plus or a minus. If we had chemistry, then great!!