Men - tell me if my career and income are negatives when it comes to dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe this is actually an issue. I’m about your age with a second home, a decent career and a very high net worth and have never had any issues with men being turned off, intimidated or whatever about it. I don’t make a big deal out if it. I don’t wear it on my sleeve but I don’t hide it. I think it’s weird if anyone is actually ghosting you for that reason. There’s got to be a better reason.

On the flip side my XH is a huge gold digger and it was a big plus for him when the woman he was dating was wealthy. So if anything I think you’d be attracting more men, not repelling them. So it has to be something else.

Thanks. I don’t know what it is. I can’t seem to get past date 3 and about a month of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Wasn’t there a recent study showing that married men are happiest when they make more than their wives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will usually go something like. How was your weekend? Me: Great got to spend some time outdoors. Really? Where? Me: name of Beach Town. Wow! You go there a lot. Me: yeah, we actually have a place there. Where did you say you worked? Me: name of place. Next conversation. Hey- I looked you up you are the X at place of employment. Me: Yep. Then something like you must really do well for yourself? Me: I do okay. Then I am ghosted or told something like.. I don’t really see this working out. Your a nice person and have a lot going for you but I don’t see it working out.

Why are you just standing there allowing yourself to be interrogated? It sounds like you WANT to show off. Close up your social media and after someone asks you a question, ask them a question.

Him: How was your weekend?
You: Great, got to spend some time outdoors.
NEW YOU: What about YOU? / How did you spend YOUR weekend?

You don't have to show off that you have a beach house. You could have just said, "yeah I really ike that area. what about you - where do you like to go to unwind on weekends?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will usually go something like. How was your weekend? Me: Great got to spend some time outdoors. Really? Where? Me: name of Beach Town. Wow! You go there a lot. Me: yeah, we actually have a place there. Where did you say you worked? Me: name of place. Next conversation. Hey- I looked you up you are the X at place of employment. Me: Yep. Then something like you must really do well for yourself? Me: I do okay. Then I am ghosted or told something like.. I don’t really see this working out. Your a nice person and have a lot going for you but I don’t see it working out.

Why are you just standing there allowing yourself to be interrogated? It sounds like you WANT to show off. Close up your social media and after someone asks you a question, ask them a question.

Him: How was your weekend?
You: Great, got to spend some time outdoors.
NEW YOU: What about YOU? / How did you spend YOUR weekend?

You don't have to show off that you have a beach house. You could have just said, "yeah I really ike that area. what about you - where do you like to go to unwind on weekends?"

Please that is not showing off. Should she just hide her entire life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will usually go something like. How was your weekend? Me: Great got to spend some time outdoors. Really? Where? Me: name of Beach Town. Wow! You go there a lot. Me: yeah, we actually have a place there. Where did you say you worked? Me: name of place. Next conversation. Hey- I looked you up you are the X at place of employment. Me: Yep. Then something like you must really do well for yourself? Me: I do okay. Then I am ghosted or told something like.. I don’t really see this working out. Your a nice person and have a lot going for you but I don’t see it working out.

Why are you just standing there allowing yourself to be interrogated? It sounds like you WANT to show off. Close up your social media and after someone asks you a question, ask them a question.

Him: How was your weekend?
You: Great, got to spend some time outdoors.
NEW YOU: What about YOU? / How did you spend YOUR weekend?

You don't have to show off that you have a beach house. You could have just said, "yeah I really ike that area. what about you - where do you like to go to unwind on weekends?"

If i went on a date with someone who responded as you proposed above, i would think they were in witness protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 32, no kids, never been married. My BF (38) jokes with me that he could date a 1k/hour lawyer, however, he found women like that always compete with him. Men, to a certain extent, don't care about your job. Have a job that pays your bills and isn't embarrassing, beyond that if they also make money they just find it annoying.

Uh, your BF is a sexist douche. To your bolded, women like that do not "always compete with him". All women making over $150k a year are not competing with your BF as a core personality trait. Your BF is imaging that women ALL these women are competing with him because he has regressive ideas about women.

Hope you have fun being a mommy.

[Anonymous]

Why would you say “we” have a place there? Isn’t it your beach house? The “we” would be off putting to me. I’d feel you didn’t have time to date - you are taken by this “we” group. Kids? Ex?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you can’t win either way.

I am a lawyer but a low paid one. Have worked mainly in public service. Five figure income. I once had a guy break up with me after a few months of dating and one reason he gave was that he was in the nonprofit world too (but a director - I bet he made somewhere in the 125 to 300 range) and didn’t make a ton of money. He was divorced and had a couple kids about to enter college. I was surprised by that throwaway comment and while I wished I had pursued it I did not, but from what he said I think he was saying he didn’t like that I didn’t make more money?? I lived in a not very impressive apartment at the time, did not have a car, was not living large, etc.

What he didn’t know is that I actually have an inherited trust found worth around eight millions dollars.

But if he was dumping me because of my five figure income, and knowing that I had a large trust fund would have made him not dump me, then I don’t think he was a good guy anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you can’t win either way.

I am a lawyer but a low paid one. Have worked mainly in public service. Five figure income. I once had a guy break up with me after a few months of dating and one reason he gave was that he was in the nonprofit world too (but a director - I bet he made somewhere in the 125 to 300 range) and didn’t make a ton of money. He was divorced and had a couple kids about to enter college. I was surprised by that throwaway comment and while I wished I had pursued it I did not, but from what he said I think he was saying he didn’t like that I didn’t make more money?? I lived in a not very impressive apartment at the time, did not have a car, was not living large, etc.

What he didn’t know is that I actually have an inherited trust found worth around eight millions dollars.

But if he was dumping me because of my five figure income, and knowing that I had a large trust fund would have made him not dump me, then I don’t think he was a good guy anyway.

Can win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you can’t win either way.

I am a lawyer but a low paid one. Have worked mainly in public service. Five figure income. I once had a guy break up with me after a few months of dating and one reason he gave was that he was in the nonprofit world too (but a director - I bet he made somewhere in the 125 to 300 range) and didn’t make a ton of money. He was divorced and had a couple kids about to enter college. I was surprised by that throwaway comment and while I wished I had pursued it I did not, but from what he said I think he was saying he didn’t like that I didn’t make more money?? I lived in a not very impressive apartment at the time, did not have a car, was not living large, etc.

What he didn’t know is that I actually have an inherited trust found worth around eight millions dollars.

But if he was dumping me because of my five figure income, and knowing that I had a large trust fund would have made him not dump me, then I don’t think he was a good guy anyway.

Can win

Also, I’m actually a bit paranoid that my money might attract people for the wrong reasons. Not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 32, no kids, never been married. My BF (38) jokes with me that he could date a 1k/hour lawyer, however, he found women like that always compete with him. Men, to a certain extent, don't care about your job. Have a job that pays your bills and isn't embarrassing, beyond that if they also make money they just find it annoying.

Uh, your BF is a sexist douche. To your bolded, women like that do not "always compete with him". All women making over $150k a year are not competing with your BF as a core personality trait. Your BF is imaging that women ALL these women are competing with him because he has regressive ideas about women.

Hope you have fun being a mommy.

Interesting how you make an assumption about my salary. Also interesting how you make assumptions about the people he's dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say “we” have a place there? Isn’t it your beach house? The “we” would be off putting to me. I’d feel you didn’t have time to date - you are taken by this “we” group. Kids? Ex?

I meant me and the kids. But, I do take the posters observation that maybe I should give more of myself in early dates. Written up it sounds so robotic but in-person I am generally good with keeping up a conversation and engaging.

[Anonymous]

Neither helps nor hurts your dating chances with any man who has his own success going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you can’t win either way.

I am a lawyer but a low paid one. Have worked mainly in public service. Five figure income. I once had a guy break up with me after a few months of dating and one reason he gave was that he was in the nonprofit world too (but a director - I bet he made somewhere in the 125 to 300 range) and didn’t make a ton of money. He was divorced and had a couple kids about to enter college. I was surprised by that throwaway comment and while I wished I had pursued it I did not, but from what he said I think he was saying he didn’t like that I didn’t make more money?? I lived in a not very impressive apartment at the time, did not have a car, was not living large, etc.

What he didn’t know is that I actually have an inherited trust found worth around eight millions dollars.

But if he was dumping me because of my five figure income, and knowing that I had a large trust fund would have made him not dump me, then I don’t think he was a good guy anyway.

He definitely wasn't. My SIL has a trust fund and it's attracted all sorts of unsavory characters. Frankly I'm not even sure her husband would have been nearly as interested if not for the cushy life she was enabling...

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need hobbies so that you can be more interesting as a person. They also might be looking for someone with a bit more culture. Read books you are interested in; attend lectures; go down rabbit holes where you learn more about Frida Kahlo. Be curious about the world. I also have a poor opinion of anyone who admits to having a beach house. This post made me realize I have stereotypes about the level of intelligence of those people. They are either old money in which case it isn't there fault a great someone bought a house. But if they bought a house, I give a side eye.