Men - tell me if my career and income are negatives when it comes to dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

Man here: in general, men don’t view your career or income as a primary consideration when choosing who to date, it doesn’t affect that nearly as much as other things, including physical attractiveness, sexuality, and personality. It is a canard that men are somehow “threatened” by this. The major confusion, I think, is that many women expect it to be a positive and it isn’t, and they interpret that as it being a negative factor, which it really isn’t.

Several caveats: if your career is sufficiently intense and demanding, some men will wonder if you actually have sufficient time and energy for a relationship on top of that. Men are also aware that a great many women have a strong preference to date men with higher status than themselves, so may exercise some caution in light of that.

Last week I saw the profile of a smoking hot blonde who is a single mom and an MD and I thought do you really have time to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said she makes mid six figures. Some PPs took that as 150k, some took it as 500k. I'm curious which is correct.

Also, PP who looks down on beach homes...why?

Mid six figures means 450-600.

150 means 150.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 32, no kids, never been married. My BF (38) jokes with me that he could date a 1k/hour lawyer, however, he found women like that always compete with him. Men, to a certain extent, don't care about your job. Have a job that pays your bills and isn't embarrassing, beyond that if they also make money they just find it annoying.

Uh, your BF is a sexist douche. To your bolded, women like that do not "always compete with him". All women making over $150k a year are not competing with your BF as a core personality trait. Your BF is imaging that women ALL these women are competing with him because he has regressive ideas about women.

Hope you have fun being a mommy.

Interesting how you make an assumption about my salary. Also interesting how you make assumptions about the people he's dated.

You said your BF thinks ALL women making a lot of money are competing with him. Since he is with you, I'm assuming he does not think you are like this. Ergo, you don't make much money and he looks forward to you being a mommy. It's pretty straight forward. Check in with us in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

Man here: in general, men don’t view your career or income as a primary consideration when choosing who to date, it doesn’t affect that nearly as much as other things, including physical attractiveness, sexuality, and personality. It is a canard that men are somehow “threatened” by this. The major confusion, I think, is that many women expect it to be a positive and it isn’t, and they interpret that as it being a negative factor, which it really isn’t.

Several caveats: if your career is sufficiently intense and demanding, some men will wonder if you actually have sufficient time and energy for a relationship on top of that. Men are also aware that a great many women have a strong preference to date men with higher status than themselves, so may exercise some caution in light of that.

Agree with all of this. I’m a man.

As a 53yo divorced man I can say it is hard to find a woman with the spark and energy and commitment to want to be the “us against the world” mentality of our younger years/first marriages. I will only date women until I find one where we mutually feel the “all in” commitment that I went into my first marriage with. This doesn’t mean children come second. But it means I want to have a full on partner. I’m the one who asked about the “we” on the beach house. I don’t care what your career is and wouldn’t be intimidated by big income, but I want someone who is all in and I will be all in. I can have a FWB if I need lots of space and no true partner.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if you come off as too type A? I'm guessing that people who make $500K are very smart, very organized, very good at directing other people, very good at planning, etc.

I used to be in a singles sports club, and the woman who was in charge of it was very attractive and was in great shape. I was surprised that more guys were not trying to get together with her. But after being in the club for a few years, I learned that when new men to the club initially saw her, they were attracted to her but after they got to know her, they weren't interested.

Either she intimidated them or they weren't keen on her very strong, take charge personality. It was great for running a club but maybe not so great in a relationship. I looked her up recently (this club was 20+ years ago) and noticed that she was still single. That is just my take on it. I could be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

Man here: in general, men don’t view your career or income as a primary consideration when choosing who to date, it doesn’t affect that nearly as much as other things, including physical attractiveness, sexuality, and personality. It is a canard that men are somehow “threatened” by this. The major confusion, I think, is that many women expect it to be a positive and it isn’t, and they interpret that as it being a negative factor, which it really isn’t.

Several caveats: if your career is sufficiently intense and demanding, some men will wonder if you actually have sufficient time and energy for a relationship on top of that. Men are also aware that a great many women have a strong preference to date men with higher status than themselves, so may exercise some caution in light of that.

Last week I saw the profile of a smoking hot blonde who is a single mom and an MD and I thought do you really have time to date?

You mean does she have time to be at my beck and call and baby me? You would be correct that she doesn't. Men say they want all in, what they mean is she does ALL the work, and sleeps with him with a smile on her face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

Man here: in general, men don’t view your career or income as a primary consideration when choosing who to date, it doesn’t affect that nearly as much as other things, including physical attractiveness, sexuality, and personality. It is a canard that men are somehow “threatened” by this. The major confusion, I think, is that many women expect it to be a positive and it isn’t, and they interpret that as it being a negative factor, which it really isn’t.

Several caveats: if your career is sufficiently intense and demanding, some men will wonder if you actually have sufficient time and energy for a relationship on top of that. Men are also aware that a great many women have a strong preference to date men with higher status than themselves, so may exercise some caution in light of that.

Last week I saw the profile of a smoking hot blonde who is a single mom and an MD and I thought do you really have time to date?

You mean does she have time to be at my beck and call and baby me? You would be correct that she doesn't. Men say they want all in, what they mean is she does ALL the work, and sleeps with him with a smile on her face.

No, I mean does she have time to see me at all, nitwit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

Man here: in general, men don’t view your career or income as a primary consideration when choosing who to date, it doesn’t affect that nearly as much as other things, including physical attractiveness, sexuality, and personality. It is a canard that men are somehow “threatened” by this. The major confusion, I think, is that many women expect it to be a positive and it isn’t, and they interpret that as it being a negative factor, which it really isn’t.

Several caveats: if your career is sufficiently intense and demanding, some men will wonder if you actually have sufficient time and energy for a relationship on top of that. Men are also aware that a great many women have a strong preference to date men with higher status than themselves, so may exercise some caution in light of that.

Last week I saw the profile of a smoking hot blonde who is a single mom and an MD and I thought do you really have time to date?

You mean does she have time to be at my beck and call and baby me? You would be correct that she doesn't. Men say they want all in, what they mean is she does ALL the work, and sleeps with him with a smile on her face.

No, I mean does she have time to see me at all, nitwit.

Yet she made time to make a dating profile so... I know all I neeed to know about you and how you treat and value women based on your name calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need hobbies so that you can be more interesting as a person. They also might be looking for someone with a bit more culture. Read books you are interested in; attend lectures; go down rabbit holes where you learn more about Frida Kahlo. Be curious about the world. I also have a poor opinion of anyone who admits to having a beach house. This post made me realize I have stereotypes about the level of intelligence of those people. They are either old money in which case it isn't there fault a great someone bought a house. But if they bought a house, I give a side eye.

Oh. I have hobbies. I enjoy travel very much (and often the beaten path). I also enjoy hiking, swimming, boogie boarding, gardening and baking. I am currently learning Italian and like to read biographies but my current book is Untamed. Before Covid I also enjoyed theater and have taken Improv classes. I didn’t mean to make it sound like my career and beach house was it.

You sound fine then. Maybe there is just something wrong with them. I would refrain from talking about houses or other assets and talk about your interests/hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Ruled out why? If you’re not batshit crazy, a drunk, smoke, nice to others, and keep yourself in shape, I’d say you’re a catch. I’d like to get to know you a little more. 🤷‍♂️

[Anonymous]

Yet she made time to make a dating profile so... I know all I neeed to know about you and how you treat and value women based on your name calling.

Because there’s no such thing as someone making a dating profile even though they have no business dating (e.g. they are married, separated, divorced a month ago, or still hung up on their ex).

I don’t value stupid people.

Like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

OP, unlike most of the other PPs, I am a man. Moreover, I am a divorced man age 55, and I am seeking out women just like you online (age 45-55 who have graduate degrees). I do see women like you who clearly earn more than me (I.e. women who have MDs or are law partners or VPs). I love my job as a contractor and am happy with how much I make (~$180k). My concern would be that you are looking for a similar high-earner type of man (another VP or law partner type) and would not be satisfied with a guy who makes “respectable money” but less than you.

So yes it is possible guys are ruling you out at an early stage. Call it insecurity if you like.

Don’t know what you can do about it though.

I agree with this post. I am in my early 50's and divorced with two adult kids. I have never dated a woman who makes significantly more than I do (about the same as PP), so I do not know if that would make me less desirable to the woman I was dating, or interested in dating. I certainly would not shy away from asking a woman of your means on a date. I don't see it affecting that at all, but understand why you would think it might.

[Anonymous]

Wait — they admit to looking you up? That’s the weirdest part of this whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional (think Finance/Law/CPA) and my salary varies but never less the mid-six figures. I am 45 and divorced with two teen sons (1 in college and 1 in high school). I have a beach house and a nice primary home, my DCs went/go to private school. I don’t bring up my career or my beach house or the private school but I sense some hesitancy from some guys when they figure it out. I know the answer is to find someone who doesn’t care but I wonder if I am being ruled out in the early stages before they get to know me because of it. Thanks

I would think this would depend on whom you're dating. If you are dating guys who make high 5 figures, no college degree, etc., they might feel they cannot keep up financially. If you're dating surgeons, investment bankers, other high earners etc. probably should not be as issue and maybe a plus. Those in between those two extremes it probably depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 32, no kids, never been married. My BF (38) jokes with me that he could date a 1k/hour lawyer, however, he found women like that always compete with him. Men, to a certain extent, don't care about your job. Have a job that pays your bills and isn't embarrassing, beyond that if they also make money they just find it annoying.

Uh, your BF is a sexist douche. To your bolded, women like that do not "always compete with him". All women making over $150k a year are not competing with your BF as a core personality trait. Your BF is imaging that women ALL these women are competing with him because he has regressive ideas about women.

Hope you have fun being a mommy.

Interesting how you make an assumption about my salary. Also interesting how you make assumptions about the people he's dated.

You said your BF thinks ALL women making a lot of money are competing with him. Since he is with you, I'm assuming he does not think you are like this. Ergo, you don't make much money and he looks forward to you being a mommy. It's pretty straight forward. Check in with us in 10 years.

No I did not.