Contacted by bio dad’s wife to cut off contact with bio dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Agree she is probably worried about him changing his will, and/or otherwise jealous.
I would be honest with dad. Tell him you are going to reduce contact because you get the feeling it makes stepmom uncomfortable, and no one, not even an adult child, should come between two married people. Cut back on the in person visits, send birthday and father's day cards, send pictures, do a Zoom call quarterly, whatever you want. I wouldn't cut him out completely but I'd pull back.

Step mom is an evil witch but he married her.

This. She is jealous, because he said he never wanted kids with her. Also, she thinks you are a golddigger because you are just now contacting him at this late date. This second one, of course, is unfair, because many adoptees feel as you do that they aren't comfortable contacting their birth parents until their parents (the only ones they've ever known) die. Most of them simply want genetic information, or feel this strong pull to meet their bio parent, and are not looking for money.

At this point, you need to fade away. If he invites you, tell him that you know you make his wife uncomfortable and you don't want to come between them. Remember, you already had a loving dad in your life.

No, the OP indicated that both didn't want children.

They don't want the drama. This woman sounds pretty messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bio dad knocked up my mom but she ended up marrying another man and they raised me together. My bio dad lived across the country and I knew about him but there wasn’t a relationship. My stepdad passed last year and I reached out to my bio dad and visited him and his wife. I even stayed over at their place a few times but at the last visit, his wife sat me down to say she doesn’t think it’s healthy for me to continue contact with my bio dad especially as it seems I’m only doing so because the man who raised me passed and bio dad never had a relationship with me nor is he on my birth certificate (stepdad and my mom married before I was born). I think she feels threatened by our connection and she’ll make remarks about how my bio dad and her never wanted any children together when my bio dad wasn’t home. Bio dad doesn’t know any of this as none of this took place in front of him and I’m not supposed to share any of this with him. I’m upset and don’t know how to deal with this rejection. My mom says my relationship with my bio dad would have bothered her if my stepdad were still living but she says I’m old enough to figure things out on my own. Should I share with my bio dad what his wife said to me?

Your mom lied and put the wrong man on your birth certificate. He was not allowed to have a relationship because of your mom's choices. What do you want from these people beyond money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you left out some important details. You text and/ or call every day? You are moving to his city? I’d be nervous about you too. Do you think you might take things a little bit slower?

And you're staying with them for a month?!?

She's looking for a free ride. You don't invite yourself to move in with them and expect them to financially support you. Move to your mom. She didn't want you to have a relationship with Dad. Let her provide for you. As the wife I'd say no as well.

OP here again. I'm not looking for a free ride. I have been staying with them in the past while visiting. However, it was for a week at most each time. My bio dad's wife pretends to like me in front of him but she treats me coldly when he isn't around. Like she'll tell me "You know where everything is. Do it yourself." I was thinking of staying with them for a month while searching for my own place in the same city and interviewing for work. The wife can't prevent me from moving to their city or finding work there. She doesn't want me to take things slow. She doesn't want me to do anything except just disappear from their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bio dad knocked up my mom but she ended up marrying another man and they raised me together. My bio dad lived across the country and I knew about him but there wasn’t a relationship. My stepdad passed last year and I reached out to my bio dad and visited him and his wife. I even stayed over at their place a few times but at the last visit, his wife sat me down to say she doesn’t think it’s healthy for me to continue contact with my bio dad especially as it seems I’m only doing so because the man who raised me passed and bio dad never had a relationship with me nor is he on my birth certificate (stepdad and my mom married before I was born). I think she feels threatened by our connection and she’ll make remarks about how my bio dad and her never wanted any children together when my bio dad wasn’t home. Bio dad doesn’t know any of this as none of this took place in front of him and I’m not supposed to share any of this with him. I’m upset and don’t know how to deal with this rejection. My mom says my relationship with my bio dad would have bothered her if my stepdad were still living but she says I’m old enough to figure things out on my own. Should I share with my bio dad what his wife said to me?

Your mom lied and put the wrong man on your birth certificate. He was not allowed to have a relationship because of your mom's choices. What do you want from these people beyond money?

This is not necessarily true. In some states, the man who the woman is married to is the father written on the birth certifcate regardless of who actually fathered the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you left out some important details. You text and/ or call every day? You are moving to his city? I’d be nervous about you too. Do you think you might take things a little bit slower?

And you're staying with them for a month?!?

She's looking for a free ride. You don't invite yourself to move in with them and expect them to financially support you. Move to your mom. She didn't want you to have a relationship with Dad. Let her provide for you. As the wife I'd say no as well.

OP here again. I'm not looking for a free ride. I have been staying with them in the past while visiting. However, it was for a week at most each time. My bio dad's wife pretends to like me in front of him but she treats me coldly when he isn't around. Like she'll tell me "You know where everything is. Do it yourself." I was thinking of staying with them for a month while searching for my own place in the same city and interviewing for work. The wife can't prevent me from moving to their city or finding work there. She doesn't want me to take things slow. She doesn't want me to do anything except just disappear from their lives.

There is clearly more to this story. You are clearly overstaying your welcome or doing something to set her off. She cannot prevent you from moving but why would you move? What are you looking for? You mom doesn't want you to have a relationship with him and was clear when she LIED on the birth certificate. You need some mental health treatment. You don't need to move to have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you do a paternity test? Your mom lied once, how do you know she's not lying again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bio dad knocked up my mom but she ended up marrying another man and they raised me together. My bio dad lived across the country and I knew about him but there wasn’t a relationship. My stepdad passed last year and I reached out to my bio dad and visited him and his wife. I even stayed over at their place a few times but at the last visit, his wife sat me down to say she doesn’t think it’s healthy for me to continue contact with my bio dad especially as it seems I’m only doing so because the man who raised me passed and bio dad never had a relationship with me nor is he on my birth certificate (stepdad and my mom married before I was born). I think she feels threatened by our connection and she’ll make remarks about how my bio dad and her never wanted any children together when my bio dad wasn’t home. Bio dad doesn’t know any of this as none of this took place in front of him and I’m not supposed to share any of this with him. I’m upset and don’t know how to deal with this rejection. My mom says my relationship with my bio dad would have bothered her if my stepdad were still living but she says I’m old enough to figure things out on my own. Should I share with my bio dad what his wife said to me?

Your mom lied and put the wrong man on your birth certificate. He was not allowed to have a relationship because of your mom's choices. What do you want from these people beyond money?

This is not necessarily true. In some states, the man who the woman is married to is the father written on the birth certifcate regardless of who actually fathered the baby.

This is true. Mom lied on the birth certificate. Even if she was married she could put down the correct father or get it fixed but she choose not to. Whom ever is on the BC is this woman's father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you do a paternity test? Your mom lied once, how do you know she's not lying again?

OP here. My mom didn't lie to anyone. My stepdad was the one who married her and said "Put my name down". He told me this himself and my true paternity was never kept a secret from me. I don't have any siblings so it was just my mom, stepdad and me. My bio dad acknowledged that he fathered me and there's a resemblance between us. My mom and him weren't serious and while she did inform him about being pregnant with me, she made it clear that I was going to be raised by my stepdad and she didn't want to seek anything from my bio dad. My bio dad said okay and his wife knew of me when they married 20 years ago but neither met me until last year.

[Anonymous]

You need to take a DNA test like ancestry or 23 and me along with the man you think is your bio father. You cannot be certain he really is your bio father. In the course of only months your mom slept with 2 men, you have no idea if she slept with a third guy who is trally your bio father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to take a DNA test like ancestry or 23 and me along with the man you think is your bio father. You cannot be certain he really is your bio father. In the course of only months your mom slept with 2 men, you have no idea if she slept with a third guy who is trally your bio father.

NP but I don’t think this changes anything. If I were the wife, I wouldn’t want my husband to spend any more money on a child he doesn’t have any relationship with.

[Anonymous]

I’d flip it on both of them.

Since they never had kids, I guess they expect that nursing home to take damn good care of them when they’ll need someone from the outside to intervene.

Eff em both, they both sound like a real piece of work.

Concentrate on spending that extra time with your bio mom. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

NP. Why do you want to live in their city?

And be honest, if you knew your bio dad was penniless, would you still want a relationship with him? And would you still move to his city??

So far, you really do sound like a gold digger and I'm not surprised she doesn't want her husband spending more time (or money) with you. Hopefully he sees it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you do a paternity test? Your mom lied once, how do you know she's not lying again?

OP here. My mom didn't lie to anyone. My stepdad was the one who married her and said "Put my name down". He told me this himself and my true paternity was never kept a secret from me. I don't have any siblings so it was just my mom, stepdad and me. My bio dad acknowledged that he fathered me and there's a resemblance between us. My mom and him weren't serious and while she did inform him about being pregnant with me, she made it clear that I was going to be raised by my stepdad and she didn't want to seek anything from my bio dad. My bio dad said okay and his wife knew of me when they married 20 years ago but neither met me until last year.

You should do a paternity test. Both your mom and stepdad who is your dad as he's on your BC is your Dad. Your dad years ago had few rights as courts didn't care back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d flip it on both of them.

Since they never had kids, I guess they expect that nursing home to take damn good care of them when they’ll need someone from the outside to intervene.

Eff em both, they both sound like a real piece of work.

Concentrate on spending that extra time with your bio mom. Hugs!

OP is gold digging. There will be no money for a nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to take a DNA test like ancestry or 23 and me along with the man you think is your bio father. You cannot be certain he really is your bio father. In the course of only months your mom slept with 2 men, you have no idea if she slept with a third guy who is trally your bio father.

NP but I don’t think this changes anything. If I were the wife, I wouldn’t want my husband to spend any more money on a child he doesn’t have any relationship with.

I would want a paternity test. If Mom was sleeping around who knows who is the real father. Mom moved on to her Dad before she was born and they were married before she was born. There may have been more than two men.